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Thread: My Life is in Shambles

  1. #1

    Default My Life is in Shambles

    My life is in shambles and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I have nowhere to go and I don't know what to do. I guess I'm asking for advice, but I don't know how to. It's all just too complicated to explain at the moment and I can't seem to make any sense of it all. If you're interested in at least trying to help, PM me.

    Thank you.

  2. #2

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    My best advice is to ask any family and/or friends you have for help. Until you give us more information on whatever situation your going trough there's really nothing more I can personally offer. If you don't want to have the info public, you can post in the EC forums so only people with +1 rep and multitudes of other things will be the only ones to see it.

    Also I have never seen any person in a situation that can't improve, so don't do anything drastic.

  3. #3

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    I would really appreciate an objective opinion on my problems that those close to me aren't able to provide. I don't plan to do anything drastic.

    My problems stem from the fact that I feel as though I have no direction in life. There are plenty of things I know I would like to do but the universe at large never seems to point me in any one direction. I feel like I spend so much time floundering around trying to figure everything out that when I actually do make a decision that will progress my life forward, the plan never comes to fruition. It's like the universe is against my happiness and only wants to see me suffer in the long run, which I find to be true seeing as despite the fact that I almost always win the battles, I practically never win the war. I want things to get better but seeing as the avenues I'm taking to make them so aren't working and the lack of cosmic intervention I feel as if I have nowhere to go.

  4. #4

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    I know people have differing opinoins on psychology but based on what you've said you could benefit from therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of self doubt and possibly learned helplessness which leads you to feeling like the entire world is out to get you. I would suggest you find a psychotherapist (also called a depth psychologist) to help you.

    If I have misread or misinterpreted anything you've said here I apologize but you were quite vague so this is the best advice I have with the information you've given.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by FoxyFox View Post
    I would really appreciate an objective opinion on my problems that those close to me aren't able to provide. I don't plan to do anything drastic.

    My problems stem from the fact that I feel as though I have no direction in life. There are plenty of things I know I would like to do but the universe at large never seems to point me in any one direction. I feel like I spend so much time floundering around trying to figure everything out that when I actually do make a decision that will progress my life forward, the plan never comes to fruition. It's like the universe is against my happiness and only wants to see me suffer in the long run, which I find to be true seeing as despite the fact that I almost always win the battles, I practically never win the war. I want things to get better but seeing as the avenues I'm taking to make them so aren't working and the lack of cosmic intervention I feel as if I have nowhere to go.
    If it's any consolation at all, you're not alone in feeling like this - you've described the last year of my life, and in a better way than I have been able to. So thank you.

    For me, things haven't improved much yet, but my route has been the therapy route, followed eventually by tablets. I'm hoping they will lift the negativity just enough for me to see the right answers and paths to take.

    I wish you luck, man. Please PM me if you ever want to talk, but let us know how you get on.

    Dan x

  6. #6

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    The best way to make any plan succeed is to divide that plan into sizable, manageable chunks. That way each time you complete a task you feel like your winning because you are. Plus with each task you complete your a step closer to completing the overall goal. As humans we can only do so much, even olympic runners will get tired and collapse at some point.

  7. #7

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    I must second the opinion that you should seek a psychological assessment.

  8. #8

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    Honestly, for most of us, this is the human condition. When I was your age, I wanted to go to a music conservatory and learn my craft. I did, graduated and went to the largest Methodist church in Ohio as it's organist, accompanist and assistant director. Eventually I became the back up accompanist to Cleveland Orchestra Chorus, summer choir which sang at Blossom Music Center.

    I moved and went to a church as it's full time music director, and my career slowly went down hill because it was a small venue with no opportunity for growth. Now at the end of my career, I am a part time music director for a failing church, and an Instructional Assistant at a junior high school. Mind you, I'm a graduate of Westminster Choir College, Princeton.

    I have felt terrible about this, feeling like I never reached my potential. I feel like I'm cursed, and the things I touch are cursed.

    You, on the other hand, are young. You have your entire college career ahead of you. Choose wisely grasshopper, because what you do there will determine your future. That said, most people work in a different field than their major, but they're usually smart enough to not go into church music which is a life killer. Education teaches us how to learn. The things we learn today are merely building blocks for a future. Nothing is really wasted, but we can waste our time worrying about things which are out of our control.

    Beyond career, however, is happiness and fulfillment. My happiness and fulfillment comes from my family, my individual accomplishments, the great pieces I have played in performance, my writing, and the lives I have touched and hopefully, have made a little better. When it's all done and over, the winner is not the one with the most toys, but rather, the one who was loved and will be missed because they were a good person.

  9. #9

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    I have considered and have been referred to therapy many times but I just don't see the purpose of spending millions of dollars just to talk about my problems. I've talked about them enough for one lifetime, I actually want to solve them for once. Who knows, that might be just what I need, but I don't want to be considered a lunatic for inquiring about it.

    I feel like I can never make a plan work because I'm so distracted by other aspects of my life. I can't stay on one tangent long enough to get anything accomplished before I'm roped into another. And most times, my goals are set for me and I could care less about them. I don't spend enough time doing the right things and I feel like I'm powerless to change that because the things that I deem important, no one else does. I don't feel like I'm living my life, I feel like I'm just tolerating it.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by FoxyFox View Post
    I have considered and have been referred to therapy many times but I just don't see the purpose of spending millions of dollars just to talk about my problems. I've talked about them enough for one lifetime, I actually want to solve them for once. Who knows, that might be just what I need, but I don't want to be considered a lunatic for inquiring about it.

    I feel like I can never make a plan work because I'm so distracted by other aspects of my life. I can't stay on one tangent long enough to get anything accomplished before I'm roped into another. And most times, my goals are set for me and I could care less about them. I don't spend enough time doing the right things and I feel like I'm powerless to change that because the things that I deem important, no one else does. I don't feel like I'm living my life, I feel like I'm just tolerating it.
    Therapy is not just talking about your problems, but more so, developing tools to cope with your thoughts and feelings. A psychologist I saw helped me realize patterns of thought that did not help. He helped me understand that previous viewpoints I had were severely limited and outdated. I was thinking the same as I did when I was younger, and those thought patterns did not apply to my adult self.

    Does that make sense?

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