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Thread: Coming out to my Dad.

  1. #1

    Default Coming out to my Dad.

    Oh, hi there neighbor. So Iím in a bit of a predicament. Iím mulling over the idea that maybe; just maybe, I should tell my father that I am gay. Now, itís not so much that I want to tell him as much as it is that Iím tired of hiding it. I mean I canít hide it forever right? Well I guess I could, if I tried hard enough :P. Okay yeah, so basically I would very much appreciate some advice on how I should come out to my dad. Personally, I was thinking of shooting him a text along the lines of, ďHey, Iím gay! Whatís for dinner tonight?Ē Hahaha, okay but seriously, despite my humorous take on the situation, I need help. D:

  2. #2

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    Without knowing your dad's opinions on gays I don't think we can really give you much advice. If you don't know how he'll react you can test the waters by talking about a news story, like gay marriages allowed in New York and gauging his reaction.

    I did this once to see what would happen if my parents ever stumbled on my BDSM. I got them to admit they they thought things like sadomasochism and other fetishes are wrong, sick or creepy. Now I know that I can never let them catch me.

    Remember you can never make your dad forget and it could ruin your relationship so it's best to make sure he will react well.

  3. #3

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    Hoodie, I think my big question is: Why is it bothering you that your dad doesn't know you like guys?

    My dad has always wanted to talk to me about chicks/girls/women/teh ladies. I didn't have a whole lot to tell him, because I didn't date a whole lot, and now I'm married and telling him any details would now be just creepy. But he seemed to make an effort to let me know that he'd talk to me about whatever guy/girl issues I might have. Is your dad doing the same thing?

    Are you concerned because:

    - He keeps making you uncomfortable trying to talk about girls and you don't want to talk about that?

    - You want to talk to him about guy/guy issues? He might be afraid that he'll do exceptionally poorly due to lack of experience.

    - You have a boyfriend that you're hiding because you're scared to be forthcoming?

    - You have any stereotypically homosexual mannerisms that your dad picks up on, and you want to tell him you're gay so it all just fits together and you can stop worrying about him noticing?

    I don't have any experience with the above, but I can imagine those circumstances. In any case, you might be able to guess at your dad's reaction by considering what he has said about people in the past. If you decide to go forward, I'm interested in hearing your plan :-) And/or how it went after the fact, of course. Be safe, be strong!

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by whisko View Post
    Are you concerned because:

    - He keeps making you uncomfortable trying to talk about girls and you don't want to talk about that?

    - You want to talk to him about guy/guy issues? He might be afraid that he'll do exceptionally poorly due to lack of experience.

    - You have a boyfriend that you're hiding because you're scared to be forthcoming?

    - You have any stereotypically homosexual mannerisms that your dad picks up on, and you want to tell him you're gay so it all just fits together and you can stop worrying about him noticing?
    I choose all of the above. He keeps talking to me about how he can't wait for me to have a wife and some kids. Which, you know, I be all for if I wasn't gay. I just feel like that I need to tell him. Like what if, for example, I get a boyfriend, which will never happen HARHAR, I don't want to have to hide him the entire time.

    Thank you for the support.

  5. #5

    Default

    Though I probably have no (good) advice for you, Hoodie, I can genuinely relate to what you're going through.

    At 16, I was kicked out of home and went to stay with a couple of friends (a gay couple) and during my month there, they threw a party and invited mutual online friends - most of whom were gay. That party weekend changed my whole life in that I had my first kiss there, and met a guy I got on with better than anyone I ever had before.

    I eventually went home, happy that we'd agreed to stay close and "be boyfriends"... That was the catalyst for me. It took all of three days for me to burst at the seams with this secret I'd been keeping for four or five years, and I did the whole clichť: "Mum, Dad... Can we sit down, 'cause I have something to tell you..." thing. I really regret that, though for the life of me I cannot think of a better way.

    Like others have said, it all depends on his views on homosexuality - which you should know better than us. In the best case scenario, he's OK with it and I'd say do it similarly to how I did it, but be direct, straightforward and confident about it. I kind of led my parents to the answer, and they ended up saying the words for me... In the worst case scenario, though, and he's not that accepting of it, I'd begin by considering your escape route/support network before telling him in whichever way you do.

    Like I say... Little advice there, I'm sorry. But I feel your frustration wholeheartedly and cannot judge you for it without being a total hypocrite. It is only natural to find it hard to keep such a massive part of you secret from those closest to you.

    Good luck - PM if you ever want to talk x

  6. #6

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    Your the one who has to make the decision in the end but you have to ask yourself "Why does he need to know?". I would think the best thing to do is to just sit down with him and say "I know its not what you wanted but I am gay. I am sorry if this is disappointing to you but I cant deny who I am and I want to be happy with my life and I hope you want me to be happy as well. I hope this does not change our relationship."

  7. #7

    Default

    Unfortunately, I can't really offer any advice, I still haven't come out to my parents either. But I'd really like to hear how this goes, and wish you good luck! ^^

  8. #8

    Default

    I might be going off topic but I am sitting here thinking about how odd it would be if you came out to your dad and than your dad came out to you. That would be an odd situation.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Hoodie View Post
    Oh, hi there neighbor. So I’m in a bit of a predicament. I’m mulling over the idea that maybe; just maybe, I should tell my father that I am gay. Now, it’s not so much that I want to tell him as much as it is that I’m tired of hiding it. I mean I can’t hide it forever right? Well I guess I could, if I tried hard enough :P. Okay yeah, so basically I would very much appreciate some advice on how I should come out to my dad. Personally, I was thinking of shooting him a text along the lines of, “Hey, I’m gay! What’s for dinner tonight?” Hahaha, okay but seriously, despite my humorous take on the situation, I need help. D:
    Don't do the text message thing. If you are going to come out to him, you should definately do it in person. Do you know what he thinks of gays though? I know that it is hard to come out and my experience wasn't exactly positive, but I'm still glad I did it. The best advice I can give is to remember that you don't have to come out unless you want to. I would reccomend finding out about what he thinks about gays first, and if it is positive, think long and hard about it before telling him. If he has negative views, I would recomend holding off for a while as the situation can get ugly really fast.

  10. #10
    goodnitesboy1986

    Default

    I'm in a similar situation, and I have to ask: what if I'm not geographically co-located? I'm a big boy now, comfortably living over 600 miles from home on my own dime, and I feel that it's time (or near time) to be honest with my dad. He has a negative opinion of gays, but he's also disclosed to me in the distant past that he loves me unconditionally, even if I were gay. It's a tough situation, where I have an acceptable relationship with my father and don't want to ruin it, but I'm tired of hiding, dealing with the prodding about grand-children and the dodging the near-constant questions about my love life.

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