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Thread: To all you married couples... what is it like?

  1. #1

    Default To all you married couples... what is it like?

    Well... lots of thinking and what not got me to this point now. I have done nothing with no one and will be doing nothing with no one. I thank everyone for their sound advice. It truly did help me. It ensured my future... as it stands I've worked out what was going on and it was severer case of cold feet... as it stands it looks like I"m getting married in may. Best decision for me... I should have never listened to my family members putting thoughts into my head.

    So I"ve been doing research on how to make a marriage work and what to do and what not. Apparently my relationship works like a marriage already, I'm with my fiancee for a greater portion of the day and there is little separation within us, we share finances for the most part yet have our own separate accounts and what not. Currently we are like a marriage without the sex and sleeping together parts.

    So I ask...What is your marriage truly like? Did you plan on what it would be like before getting married? Did your relationship change when you got married? Where you a married couple before marriage? As it stands I truly hold no secrets from my fiancee.... I freaked out essentially because I would be giving up my "freedom" to do what I like... for example have a wild sex party, or threesome, or random making out and what not.

    But then I realized.... non of that is worth risking my fiancee. I chose to marry her in the end of it all because while those can be nice experiences.... it's not investing into my future. Oddly enough my fiancee told me if I ever needed to have them we could discuss them and see where it goes from there... On top of it all she told me that if I really wanted a threesome or really needed it or what ever... she would try to fulfill that fantasy for me. Hell she even said she'd have lesbian sex if that's what I desired. She's truly unique in all of this... She told me how she envisioned our marriage and it sounds like fun... completely opposite of what I envisioned or had pictured. It's actually more liberating then I had pictured.

    To put it simply... she wants things in married life that I wanted from a single life. For example we have plans to "meet up" and pick each other up at a bar... XD roleplay but it can be fun. Maybe go to BDSM conventions, or infantilism meets, she told me she'll fulfill any fantasy that I have that involves just us with no real problems. These are things... I never pictured a marriage to be like.... I just pictured a marriage as an extension of our boring relationship. Always staying in, bleh blah blah. Isn't that what a traditional marriage is like? I guess she wants to be far from it... and I"m absolutely in love with that... I truly have a special woman in front of me... my worries and doubts truly blinded me to that... how many women will diaper me every single night of our marriage anyway? XD

    So I ask of you... married couples or people who know married couples...was marriage "liberating" or was it something akin to a prison...death sentence of sorts?

    Oh and to give you on idea of how willing she is to make me happy... she literally said "if I'm never enough for you sexually...or have desires for another woman that you need to fulfill, I could.. in the event that it's some type of physiological need" After that she told me... it's not like I want you fucking every girl... and I hope you never need anyone else but me. Just knowing she'll go to that extent to make me happy.... makes me willing to sacrifice anything for her... I was just afraid unexpected desires would... ruin my marriage but she understands that we biologically cannot be monogamous... it's not in our DNA. She won't ask me to be something I"m not... be above humanity in essence.... but honestly I"m quit happy with how things are and cannot possibly imagine ever needing anyone else then her.... aside from a thressome but that's just some fantasy that can stay like that...

    So... I probably rambled to much

    tl:dr

    Whats it like to be married?

  2. #2

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    Being married is wonderful. The biggest concern is the need to communicate. If you don't talk about all the little issues before they become big issues then you can get crushed under the weight of the problems. A good thing to try, is to work through the book, The Hard Questions. The book asks a lot of the questions most couples never think to ask but have a pretty big bearing on the success of the relationship. Communication and going over those questions started my marriage on the right foot and we have been doing awesome since.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilbabyheather View Post
    Being married is wonderful. The biggest concern is the need to communicate. If you don't talk about all the little issues before they become big issues then you can get crushed under the weight of the problems. A good thing to try, is to work through the book, The Hard Questions. The book asks a lot of the questions most couples never think to ask but have a pretty big bearing on the success of the relationship. Communication and going over those questions started my marriage on the right foot and we have been doing awesome since.
    The book? You mean bible? And that's whats Been going on and we went trough premarital counselling and what not before this happened. Things are looking up.

  4. #4

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    Being married is just having someone else living with you except you two are married. You get a tax break and when your partner dies, you can decide what you want to do with their stuff or with their body. If they are sick in the hospital and they have family only policy, you can go and see them.

    Our relationship stayed the same after we got married. We were already living together and having sex occasionally. He was also babying me and diapering me.

  5. #5

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    Communication and compromise is the biggest things to remember. My wife and I have been married for 18 years now and those two things have been the things we try to remember every day. Have you ever seen the movie fireproof ? If not see it the movie has done wonders for our marrage. And the workbook from the movie is great also..

  6. #6

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    Being married for my wife and I was not a lot different from being single (but together and dating). We already spent almost all our time together, we still had fun together, we still did all the things that we used to do before marriage, it was just that now there was a piece of paper saying that we were together.

    I think that is one of the best ways to try and look at marriage--what are you planning to do different once that piece of paper is there? Were you and your fiancee thinking that life suddenly changes because of some ceremony? It sounds like the two of you already have a lot of this figured out, and you are getting married for the right reasons. My wife and I are closing in on twenty years together now, and while we have had our ups and downs (anybody who says they don't is either lying or delusional), we still enjoy being with each other and doing things together.

    The problem comes when you can see yourself not being with this person for whatever reason. Then is when you examine whether or not you should stay with it and why. Personally, I can't see a reason why I wouldn't be with my wife right now.

    So, marriage is not a death sentence, or a ball and chain, or any of the other cliches that people come up with, especially if you and your fiancee do not let it become such.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by dragsnick View Post
    The book? You mean bible? And that's whats Been going on and we went trough premarital counselling and what not before this happened. Things are looking up.
    Not the bible, the book is called The Hard Questions. Premarital counseling would certainly help matters but the book had questions that most premarital counselors don't raise.

  8. #8
    Butterfly Mage

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    I am very, very happy to be married. It was not until last year that my partner and I were finally able to legally wed. But we have been in a committed relationship for the past 15 years. For me, the knowledge of us being married adds an additional layer of permanency that I find reassuring. It is also a legal recognition of our commitment to each other.

  9. #9

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    Marriage is like boxing, you have to bob, weave, know when to jab, and when to back off... and that alone makes the sex more fun

  10. #10

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    I hate to be the one who puts a downer on this otherwise very positive thread, but there's one thing that's bothering me with what you said in your OP.



    To put it simply... she wants things in married life that I wanted from a single life. For example we have plans to "meet up" and pick each other up at a bar... XD roleplay but it can be fun. Maybe go to BDSM conventions, or infantilism meets, she told me she'll fulfill any fantasy that I have that involves just us with no real problems. These are things... I never pictured a marriage to be like.... I just pictured a marriage as an extension of our boring relationship. Always staying in, bleh blah blah. Isn't that what a traditional marriage is like? I guess she wants to be far from it... and I"m absolutely in love with that...
    If you find your relationship boring now, how will that change once you're married? If you guys aren't making an effort to keep it fun and interesting now, what will happen 10 years down the line? Will it not surely be excruciatingly boring? I just see why you guys need to wait until you're married to start having fun in your relationships. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if you guys aren't having fun in your relationship then you're probably not ready to get married.

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