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Thread: Boyfriend isn't very understanding..

  1. #1

    Default Boyfriend isn't very understanding..

    So before I get into this I should preface by saying that my boyfriend is wonderful and puts up with a lot of crazy stuff. We've gone through so many fetishes in the year or so that I've known him it's ridiculous, and he's generally very supportive. That said, he's having a very hard time adjusting to my fondness (as well as need) for diapers.

    I've gotten him to participate in some ageplay with me, but even that sometimes makes him uncomfortable, especially anything involving an implied incestuous role. When I asked him why he hates diapers so much, he told me it's because he can't associate them with anything but real babies, and even though he knows it's roleplay, he feels like a pedophile. He said this fear is exaggerated by the fact that he's over a foot taller than me, 2 years older, and has a beard, while I still get mistaken for an extremely young teenager and people on the street ask if I'm his little sister.

    The unfortunate thing is that I don't just like diapers, I need to wear them at night, and probably should during the day due to small accidents. I avoid wearing as much as possible, but when he tells me that diapers are disgusting it makes me feel like he thinks I'm disgusting. He told me that if I wore one around him he wouldn't come near me. I've tried explaining the extent of my incontinence issues to him but he generally avoids the subject. He said maybe someday he'd baby me in diapers but to me that essentially means "Never, please stop talking about it."

    I'm going to try to address it with him later tonight. Hopefully I can explain both the psychological and physical reasons behind my wearing and why it means so much to me that he try to accept it. I have a bad feeling it will just be awkward.

    Does anyone have any advice? Have you had similar experiences? Sorry for the long post, I just kind of needed to get this out and I don't have anyone else to tell. Any comments would be appreciated.

  2. #2

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    He may not be the guy for you because if he cannot get that thought out of his head, your relationship with him may go downhill. It's a shame he is down on incontinence. He reminds me of my ex and I have been very critical about people like him ever since. If I were you, I would run but that is just be due to my experience.

    My experience was with my slight autism and my quirks embarrassed him and I tend to be childish and I have childish interests (not to do with my condition there) and he acted like I was retarded. He felt like he was with a child than with an adult and no matter what I told him, he wouldn't get it out of his head. Your post struck a nerve with me but not your fault. But my husband sees me as an AB when it comes to children shows but at least he doesn't act like I am retarded and he still feels like he is with an adult so that is different there. And lot of people like children shows but it's just taboo to even watch them and like them as adults.

    If he doesn't want to baby you, don't force it on him. If you want it that badly, then you need to find another guy. I was naive tho think with my ex that once I educated him and kept telling him about it, he would understand but nope, I have to remember not everyone thinks like me so therefore people with be closed minded and not listen and stay ignorant. No matter what you tell them and no matter how wrong they are. They will not listen. People like to be wrong because they want to be right.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    He may not be the guy for you because if he cannot get that thought out of his head, your relationship with him may go downhill. It's a shame he is down on incontinence. He reminds me of my ex and I have been very critical about people like him ever since. If I were you, I would run but that is just be due to my experience.

    My experience was with my slight autism and my quirks embarrassed him and I tend to be childish and I have childish interests (not to do with my condition there) and he acted like I was retarded. He felt like he was with a child than with an adult and no matter what I told him, he wouldn't get it out of his head. Your post struck a nerve with me but not your fault. But my husband sees me as an AB when it comes to children shows but at least he doesn't act like I am retarded and he still feels like he is with an adult so that is different there. And lot of people like children shows but it's just taboo to even watch them and like them as adults.

    If he doesn't want to baby you, don't force it on him. If you want it that badly, then you need to find another guy. I was naive tho think with my ex that once I educated him and kept telling him about it, he would understand but nope, I have to remember not everyone thinks like me so therefore people with be closed minded and not listen and stay ignorant. No matter what you tell them and no matter how wrong they are. They will not listen. People like to be wrong because they want to be right.
    What you said makes sense to me. I was actually diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome a long time ago, and though I'm not sure if that was an accurate diagnosis, I also have a lot of childish traits and some definite quirks. I'm too in love with him to just let go, but I do feel like maybe this could be the source of our problems. He does occasionally call me crazy and then claim it's a compliment, but I sometimes get the sense that maybe my whole child self is just too much for him to handle.

  4. #4

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    That's unfortunate. You sound like a really nice person.

    I look at it like this: If i meet a girl that can't accept my DL side, then we have no business being together.

    If things don't work out, don't worry, you'll find the right guy.

  5. #5
    Cherub

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    I agree with AbenaLeaf here. If you are still in the 'dating' stage of your relationship, and you already know your BF is having difficulties with accepting ALL of you,, and that includes you AB/DL side or interests. Perhaps it is time you rethink this situation. Ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who likely will never accept you as you are? Or would you like to be with someone who accepts you the way you are? I know you have deep feelings for this guy, but try to think long term, where do you really see this relationship going?

  6. #6

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    yeah...you really need to decide how much you like this guy. Once you do you can make a decision. you cant ignore who you are and you cant force him to change his thoughts about diapers or adults acting like kids. these are deeply ingrained beliefs that a majority of society tends to carry and its nearly impossible to change some one when they believe some thing in a certain way. Think about it this way...even for people like me who depend on diapers to be a part of society...many many people still find it disgusting even though i dont really have a choice...i mean like i want to smell like poop and pee around people who dont care too...lol....whats funny is how people view babies and diapers as part of the neccessary chore of raising kids, many associate babies and diapers as being cute...past the age of innocense its nearly impossible for an adult to imagine another adult cute in diapers, whether they need it or not, its hard enough just to be seen as human when you have to wear them, its like us incontinent folks are intruding or something.....i guess what im trying to say is you face an uphill battle with this guy if you stay with him. especially in today's society where innocent guys are accused of being a pedophile every day and so we are always on the defensive...he may learn to accept the fact you have to wear but not that you like to wear and be little and he will likely always see the fact you have to wear as being digusting, something he will put up with only.

    sadly it often takes another diaper dependent person to understand another diaper dependent person....in my case i count my lucky stars because i have that luxury in that my gf who is wheel chair bound, due to a spinal cord injury and has to wear but she also is fully accepting of my little side and how i like the diapers i have to wear...and she thinks its all cute....

    i will say this to any one with a partner who doesnt like you for who you are...you deserve better....

  7. #7

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    Thanks for your responses, everyone. I read through them all and you all had very good points. I'm not the kind of person who is good at keeping things bottled up, and I think that in the end whoever I end up with will have to accept all of me.

    I did talk to my boyfriend earlier tonight and I made up a little speech about this topic. He actually heard me out and agreed to give some of the things I want to try a go, and to try to get used to being around me in diapers. It's not an immediate "YAY, ADULT BABIES, WOOH!" , but it's a more positive response than I've ever gotten before, so I hope things work out.

    Thanks again, I think making this topic and reading the responses helped me work through my thoughts a bit and figure out what I was going to say.

  8. #8

    Default

    I'm glad he loosened up a bit. He doesn't sound so narrow after all.

  9. #9

    Default

    Ok, so this:


    Quote Originally Posted by ScaryFaery View Post
    I did talk to my boyfriend earlier tonight and I made up a little speech about this topic. He actually heard me out and agreed to give some of the things I want to try a go, and to try to get used to being around me in diapers. It's not an immediate "YAY, ADULT BABIES, WOOH!", but it's a more positive response than I've ever gotten before, so I hope things work out.
    sounds a lot better! Having said that, I can understand that it might be difficult for him to deal with the AB/DL side and age play and so on. I’m a DL only (no AB tendencies), and this may sound ironic (possibly even a bit mad), but I would find it quite difficult if my girlfriend would want to treat me as a baby – I would actually be quite uncomfortable with that (VERY hypothetical situation btw – just for the case of the example). So for a guy who’s not into diapers at all to find it difficult to deal with is very understandable, I find.

    Having said that, though – he should definitely at the very least be able to cope with the fact that you need to wear diapers for “medical” reasons, and accept you for who you are – including that you actually like to wear the diapers. He should not be forced to participate if he finds it really awkward, but he also shouldn’t “force you” to feel bad or weird about yourself.

    It sounds good that yous are talking about it, and that he has opened up somewhat. Hopefully, you’ll be able to work out a compromise that suits you both ok.

    However, like other people have mentioned as well, you might eventually decide that you want more than just acceptance from a partner. Of course that’s something you’ll have to discuss as well then. Ultimately, this could lead to a break-up, or it could lead to more compromises, or something third or fourth.

    Anyhow, hope this post ended up being helpful rather than confusing. Best of luck!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheDane View Post
    Ok, so this:

    sounds a lot better! Having said that, I can understand that it might be difficult for him to deal with the AB/DL side and age play and so on. I’m a DL only (no AB tendencies), and this may sound ironic (possibly even a bit mad), but I would find it quite difficult if my girlfriend would want to treat me as a baby – I would actually be quite uncomfortable with that (VERY hypothetical situation btw – just for the case of the example). So for a guy who’s not into diapers at all to find it difficult to deal with is very understandable, I find.

    Having said that, though – he should definitely at the very least be able to cope with the fact that you need to wear diapers for “medical” reasons, and accept you for who you are – including that you actually like to wear the diapers. He should not be forced to participate if he finds it really awkward, but he also shouldn’t “force you” to feel bad or weird about yourself.

    It sounds good that yous are talking about it, and that he has opened up somewhat. Hopefully, you’ll be able to work out a compromise that suits you both ok.

    However, like other people have mentioned as well, you might eventually decide that you want more than just acceptance from a partner. Of course that’s something you’ll have to discuss as well then. Ultimately, this could lead to a break-up, or it could lead to more compromises, or something third or fourth.

    Anyhow, hope this post ended up being helpful rather than confusing. Best of luck!
    Your post wasn't confusing.

    I actually sympathize with him and understand that this must be bewildering for someone with no interest in this subculture. You can't force someone to share a fetish, but at the same time I think it's fair to expect a certain amount of respect regarding my medical issues. All in all though, I think he's being pretty mature about this for a 20 year old college guy.

    He has fetishes that I'm not comfortable with too, so once he agreed to try and be more open minded I told him I'd try and compromise with him too. I think that's a good step.

    Also, I don't think it's weird that you're a DL but not an AB. I was ashamed of my incontinence for years and as such avoided diapers like the plague. I always had AB traits, though. It's probably pretty common to be just one or the other. ^^

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