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Thread: Sad But True

  1. #1

    Default Sad But True

    Wasn't sure where to post this, but then I figured that this could be considered something in which I could get some advice/support from. So, please read, but beware that It is a bit heartbreaking (at least, it hurt to write a bit)

    Sad But True


    ďSad but true.Ē

    Thatís the only phrase I can tell myself no matter how many times or from how many perspectives I look at myself. I know what I live with, what I face. I face the reality that Iím different. Itís not every day that you meet an infantilist. Or at least, not every day that you meet an out of the closet infantilist. You can meet homosexuals, drug addicts, drunks, homeless people, and other types of people who live a lifestyle that is widely accepted (or at least acknowledged).

    To tell you the truth, though Iíve come to terms with what I am, I canít seem to fully accept it. Part of me wishes if I wasnít born to be this way, because Iím afraid that it will do more harm than good to the people around me if they ever found out. Sometimes I hate it when I see a child being babied by his mother and I get jealous and feel alone. Fear grips me when I think of being with somebody again, because my brain tells me that she would call me a freak and walk out on me. It also grips me when I think about people discovering this very real part of me. What would they do? The only thing I think of is a large group of people pointing their fingers and laughing at me. Since this isnít a widely accepted lifestyle, I feel like Kevin Costner from ďMr. BrooksĒ, having to hide a whole part of my life from everybody, having to seek refuge in isolation. Having to clear out my browsing history and change the name of my story in order to avert suspicion.

    And yet, simultaneously I feel happy that Iíve found a part of me that is unique. Iím happy to know that a few friends have accepted me, even if they donít understand the frustration of not having an intimate relationship out of fear. They told me Iím admirable for being honest and that I shouldnít call myself flawed for being an infantilist. Hell, one friend even told me that she thinks whoever ďthe lucky galĒ is, she will ďhave fun with meĒ and that ďthe sex life will be more interestingĒ. Quite frankly, Iím just glad to know that Iíve found something about me in which I believe if I ever do find a woman who wishes to partake in this part of me, then Iíd become a new person from the amount of happiness Iíd feel. Itíd be the perfect natural high that would do all sorts of things to my brain. Maybe Iíd write something new and better. Maybe Iíd look at life with a little more appreciation.

    A bittersweet trait is the only way to describe what I have. Bitter in the sense that it has the risk of destroying many bridges, but sweet in the sense that itís the only part of me that can make me feel the most innocent and carefree. But I struggle with it at times. My yearning to be babied sometimes devolves into an urge, and then I feel guilty about it. My ability to control it is still a work in progress, but I feel that with enough support and help that I can live with this without feeling ashamed.

  2. #2

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    Well there's really no need for us to expose ourselves as AB's. Mainly since there's no real point to. You can meet other AB's and DL's online then meet out in public. The only people I feel a need telling anymore will be my girlfriends (If I date anyone anyway). But really there's no need for everyone to know it.

  3. #3

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    Everyone has their own insecurities, and it seems like infantilism may be one of yours.

    While some things may be acknowledged, by no means are they accepted.

    Drug deals are afraid of getting caught by the police. Former drug dealers may be afraid of new acquaintances finding out, and judging them by it. Gays can be afraid of being shunned from their friends, and family. Alcoholics, they may be the most professional of people, they may be afraid of their employers find out. Sure those things are more widely known, but by no means are they always accepted.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Fire2box View Post
    Well there's really no need for us to expose ourselves as AB's. Mainly since there's no real point to. You can meet other AB's and DL's online then meet out in public. The only people I feel a need telling anymore will be my girlfriends (If I date anyone anyway). But really there's no need for everyone to know it.
    Even though there's no NEED, I can see how it would be frustrating for it not acceptable to most people. For me, what I do (with me as the child, or as the Mommy of Shin) I like to think that if I DID ever tell anyone about myself, that it would be okay.

  5. #5
    xdeadx

    Default

    Mandi said it perfectly.

  6. #6

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    Have to say I feel very similar. It's only places like this where I can talk about it, but in my real life it's just impossible for anyone to know because it will cause harm to my relationships with friends & family. Sure some might deal with it if they knew, but things wouldn't be the same. There are enough burnt bridges as there are anyway.

    The huge problem for me though is this life prevents me having romantic/sexual relationships with anyone. My feelings are a huge distraction anyway, and then I'd either have to give it all up to meet someone or hide it which I don't think I could.

  7. #7

    Default

    I know how you feel. For many years, I denied my fetish to myself and my then spouse. As I have detailed elsewhere, that ended up badly. I now accept it, and yet no one outside of the group on here and my ex, know about me. I have felt occasionally a compulsion to tell a good friend of mine, but I will bide my time. The only reason I would tell her, (not my gf by the way) is to explain why I am not actively seeking a mate. At this time I am comfortable being single and being a DL. This place has helped with that.

  8. #8

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    I would have to agree with cpndl in that sometimes you have to make difficult choices, diapers or mate. Quite honestly, I lived with both for many years until my wife did find out. After I came clean, she was very accepting, but we have a unique relationship, and we are both unique kind of people. You just have to find an accepting girl. They are out there, and there are probably more than you think. I think the problem is for us guys, we all want to live with models, instead of women who might be good for us.

  9. #9
    Countdown

    Default

    Damn, that's deep, Dr_J.



    Quote Originally Posted by Dr_J
    Sometimes I hate it when I see a child being babied by his mother and I get jealous and feel alone.
    Yeah, I really hate seeing that too.

    I find myself often wondering how everyone I've ever known would react to me being an infantilist and sometimes it does scare me too.

    But I love my infantilism, even though my desire to be young again really does upset me often. I just love having this rare condition that makes me different from the majority. ^_^ I wouldn't want to be any other way.

    I often am worried about whether or not I'll find someone who'll be able to accept my infantilism too, Dr_J, even though I'm younger than you (I think you said you were in your twenties once). I dunno, I guess I worry about the future often.

    I think we all just need to be optimistic and patient and not worry so much. Isn't there a saying, "Good things come with patience" or something?

  10. #10

    Default

    I've only told my boyfriend of 2 years. I feel like I can't trust anyone about it...

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