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Thread: To have sex or wait til marriage ?

  1. #1

    Exclamation To have sex or wait til marriage ?

    So i met this girl a couple of months ago and we flirt alot (dirty flirt). And I've decided to take it to the next level and asked her out (she said yes). I'm still a virgin but shes not, and she really wants to have sex. Im going through these highs and lows (one moment im thinking we should have sex, the next im like i shouldnt be doing this). I how do i tell her we cant have sex without hurting her feelsings ?!!!

  2. #2

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    Looking at your intro thread you are about the age when I first had sex, having sex in my opinion while it can be enjoyable adds an entirely new level of complexity to a relationship. If you are having doubts at all about whether or not you are ready for that then I would say it's too soon. Having sex requires a lot of communication as well as feeling comfortable with yourself and your partner's bodies and not being afraid to tell them what feels good and what doesn't.

    I lost my virginity at 17 (I'm 21 now) and wished I hadn't, I'm still with the girl (that's another story entirely though) and though we still have sex, I feel like our sex life isn't all it could be because we did it too soon and still have issues communicating each others wants to each other.

  3. #3

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    I looked at your profile trying to determine your age, but it wasn't listed. I think, in order to give some sort of advise, age is an important factor. Assuming that you are old enough to responsibly engage in sex, there are a lot of other factors. I was sexually active in high school, but that may not fit others. Some people put a religious significance to it and thus want to save themselves for marriage. I certainly respect that, but I didn't make that connection. For me, sex was to be experienced and enjoyed.

    I don't think anyone can make this decision for you. Only you know yourself. Personally, I think U. S. society associates a lot of taboos to sex, yet at the same time, is extremely promiscuous. We live with a high level of hypocrisy. How many conservative Republicans have trotted out the religion card in order to be elected, but get caught in some ridiculous affair? In the final analysis, you must ask yourself, why wouldn't you want to be sexually involved with another human? It's how we're wired.

  4. #4

  5. #5

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    Well if you feel that the time is right and you trust her enough I say go for it, but if you don't, you need to tell her that the time isn't right, and if she can't respect that you should break up.
    Good luck


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    - Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

  6. #6

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    dude nail her.you are a virgin and she will be your first,i lost mine at 14 to a guy yen years older but if i had to do it agian screw waiting for a wedding ring.are you shure you want to live in the future insted of enjoy today? are you shure you want to get merried?what about her? enjoy what you can today,you cud be dead next week.and stay in today,the past is history and future is meaningless. and i didnt mean to offend with the whole "just nail her" thing but dont sell your self short for a iou.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by sdogg View Post
    dude nail her.you are a virgin and she will be your first,i lost mine at 14 to a guy yen years older but if i had to do it agian screw waiting for a wedding ring.are you shure you want to live in the future insted of enjoy today? are you shure you want to get merried?what about her? enjoy what you can today,you cud be dead next week.and stay in today,the past is history and future is meaningless. and i didnt mean to offend with the whole "just nail her" thing but dont sell your self short for a iou.
    I'm pretty sure that's a pedophile o-O

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy View Post
    I'm pretty sure that's a pedophile o-O
    Possibly, but it's not as uncommon as you probably think. I knew quite a few people (girls) when I was in HS who lost theirs in this fashion. It's even more common among gay teenagers. Perhaps that's related to confusion and vulnerability. But regardless, it certainly happens. I have a close friend who's extremely well known in my area for his activism in the BLGT community- he had a full page writeup in a newspaper a few weeks ago. He once made it clear to me that (in his own words) when he was a confused teenager, old men with money weren't a problem. They were a solution.

    For that matter, 14 is an age where he could pass for either 10 or 20 depending on how he's grown. We haven't seen him, so we don't know.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandy View Post
    I'm pretty sure that's a pedophile o-O
    It'd likely be statutory rape but pedophiles are typically interested in kids younger than 14.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by drewx View Post
    I how do i tell her we cant have sex without hurting her feelsings ?!!!
    What exactly is making you think twice about having sex? Is the "wait 'til marriage" thing religiously inspired, or something else? If it's a religious thing, then you certainly have your answer: Just tell her that!

    I can't imagine having waited, but then I'm not particularly religious and neither (apparently) were any of my girlfriends. Waiting would certainly add an enormous expectation and a sense of ceremony to the "first time" that, IMO, could lead to big disappointment. After all, just because you're born with the "equipment" doesn't mean you're born knowing how to please somebody else with it. My first time was not all that fantastic, to be perfectly honest! In fact, it was just plain bad. But, I had a playful girlfriend, and I went on to practice A LOT! Beyond the simple pleasant sensation that sex brings, there is definitely a bigger and more abstract feeling of closeness to be gotten from fully exploring one's prospective spouse in this way. I'm actually glad I entered into marriage having already known that sense of closeness. In that way, my wedding was merely a certification of something rather than a gateway to the unknown.

    Best,
    -LL

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