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Thread: Roommate and moving issue?

  1. #1

    Default Roommate and moving issue?

    I'm having a slight issue with my roommates, that I'm unsure how to bring it up. Our apartment lease will be ending around December, and they want me to continue living with them. However, I feel more and more uncomfortable around them since they're a newly wed. I feel out of place whenever around them, and lately they seem to care less about me. They do things together, make plan without my knowledge, and over all I felt taking advantage off. I got home last night, and try getting in touch with either of them for a good 5-6 hours, worried about where they were and if they're alright. Got no reply to late (10-ish) that they were at the husband's mom house.

    They make it home an hour later and they speak that we are might be living out in that area, around where his mom lives. The locations is alright, but it felt like things went over my head. It just feels like the two spend to make decisions without my consideration. They probably don't mean it, but almost went to tears last night just thinking about it.

    Now with that out of the way, the other side of the dilemma: I have a close friend who is looking for a third roommate. He nice, caring, considerate, and fun, and wants to get out of his parent's house... sorta gain complete independence in a sense. I can live much more comfortable living with him, and I don't have to feel awkward like I am with the newly wed.

    But leaving the newly weds makes me feel bad... like I'm backstabbing them or something. Only the wife (which is a real close friend) has a job, and the husband is still trying the find a job... (but any week now, I'm gonna yell at him if he doesn't have one.) I just don't want any harsh vibes to come from my decision, as well, I want to help my friend out as much as I can.


    (( I felt like I have to post this hear to get some advice... because I know it important if it keeps me up till 3 in the morning thinking about it. ))

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyHeart View Post
    I can live much more comfortable living with him, and I don't have to feel awkward like I am with the newly wed.
    That sounds like your answer, you need to consider your own feelings in this situation

    Its not logical to continue living with someone because you dont want to upset them! (they have clearly considered moving without speaking to you about it too)

    Your other friend would probably be much more enjoyable to live with - He would probably also need your support since he's just moving out of home.
    Also taking consideration for your own well being isnt called backstabbing - There Newly weds planning there future together, you need to do similar regardless of whether this means you stay with them or move on.

  3. #3

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    Leaving them is what you want to do but it shouldn't cut the relationship you've built with the wife. You don't want to be a third wheel for newly weds (Scrubs for example) and chances are they will be looking for another place for themselves in the near future. Do what you feel is right for you.

  4. #4

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    I agree with Squirtle and iPampers. You need to consider your feelings first before you start worrying about other people. When friends start dating/newly wed things change, of course they want to spend more time with each other, that's probably why they got married. But it's not fair to you to have to continue trying to be close with them when they aren't interested. You need to do whats best for you, and that may involve hurting some people (Hopefully they will be mature enough about it to understand!) but at the end of the day, it's about what makes you comfortable and happy.

  5. #5

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    Thanks for all the responses.



    Quote Originally Posted by Squirtle View Post
    Its not logical to continue living with someone because you dont want to upset them! (they have clearly considered moving without speaking to you about it too)
    That's true... during the last year, I've been learning that I should do what I want to do to make me happy. I however always want to make everyone happy, and I guess that's been a blessing and a curse since I always avoid conflicts. I'll probably tell the wife first, she's more understanding than the husband. But ultimately, I know I wanna get out of the apartment, and get my own place (someday).



    Quote Originally Posted by Squirtle View Post
    Your other friend would probably be much more enjoyable to live with - He would probably also need your support since he's just moving out of home.
    He needs it. I'm asking to tolerate his situation till December comes around, and then we'll figure it out. I wanna do the best I can for him, and we (me, him, and another friend) all talked of getting a place before.



    Quote Originally Posted by iPampers View Post
    Leaving them is what you want to do but it shouldn't cut the relationship you've built with the wife.
    True. Years back, we talked about her coming to wherever I lived if she needed to get away from her husband.

    I don't wanna mention it, but the two still argue (even yell) time-to-time about money and stress and such... and that's the most unsettling thing about living with them. Would often closed the door to my room and wait it out... telling myself, "It's not my problem." Ever nerve in my body gets on edge when I hear yelling like that.

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