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Thread: need advice on how to be a better mommy

  1. #1

    Default need advice on how to be a better mommy

    I'm here to learn how to be a better mommy to my ab boyfriend. We have been together for a litter over a year and are currently taking some time apart. Unfortunately our regular relationship was not as strong as the one we share when he is an ab. I know that this is how we will fix our other relationship. I am just looking for advice on how to become a better mommy, things to do, new things to try. I am open to all sorts of suggestions. Thanks

  2. #2

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    My wife and I are going through this same sort of dilemma. She is very new to this all and although I've had a caretaker previously, it feels like I'm starting all over. What complicates matters is that I have always been an adult around her and this means all the magnificent trappings which accompany marriage: paying bills, planning for kids, buying a house... That's perhaps been the most difficult part of making RP work: I'm so used to being a grown-up that to see her as anything else is a struggle to take grasp of.

    However, we are really trying to make it work. I know this takes time and practice; it something that neither of us should give-up on. One way I believe this can be accomplished is through incorporating items and activities that wouldn't normally enter the realm of our day-to-day adult lives; I mentioned this to my wife yesterday. Thus far, all we've really done is cuddle on the couch and play with some stuffed animals. However, we cuddle a lot anyway, regardless of whether I'm regressing or not, and we've always had a ton of stuffed animals on our bed.

    So, I decided that we had to mix it up. I offered her a few suggestions: read me books, tuck me in at night, wake me up in the morning and help me into my Mickey overalls...things along those lines. She still isn't comfortable dealing with the padding aspect, which I can respect. Fortunately, there are so many other things we can try outside of that niche. While I would like to be changed eventually, I know that to goad her into performing something she's not comfortable with would not only prevent her from enjoying the RP, but I would also feel terribly guilty.

    Bottom line: talk with him, figure out your boundaries and go from there. Surprises are (usually) nice; so, try to initiate the RP. By taking 'charge' and kicking-off the RP session, you fulfill the roll of caretaker/mother and allow him to let go and really get into it. Maybe pick him up a coloring book or help him into his favorite pajamas. Pretty much every kid loves cookies ^_^ The key is to have fun and allow yourselves to get inserted into your roles, while still staying within the boundaries you're comfortable with. While RP is about stepping outside the box you're used to, it also has to remain safe and enjoyable for both parties. Otherwise, no one will have fun and only bad memories can come of that.

    Best of luck and have fun!

  3. #3

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    I hate to tell you this but asking your boyfriend would be the best first step, only he knows exactly want he would want you to do as every AB/DL is different and what we may want your boyfriend may not. Roleplaying can be a lot of fun but only the people involved can truly give the best answers as they exactly want they want to get out of the situation.

  4. #4

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    Thank you both. I know, I have asked him and I feel like there is something he is not telling me. I change him, I feed him, cuddle, care to him, breast feed, give him baths, play games. We have done this for days at a time. What he told me is you can make me to whatever you want. He said that is what I do not understand. He says that I can make him do anything his mommy just has to be really good, and this includes having the power of things working out between us. I guess I am confused on the boundaries or lack there of and him not helping all that much. Maybe is it he just needs more of the role playing? I guess what I would toss out there to you now is he wants to be controlled in this way and have it flow over into our normal relationship. I do not know if I have a question or just want to hear some ideas on that. Because it just seems he wants me to take complete control in the role playing and move it over to our everyday life. But this is more than just role playing, this is a life style for him, and I am willing to be a part of that. I would do it everyday if I also got my needs met.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Here2Learn View Post
    Thank you both. I know, I have asked him and I feel like there is something he is not telling me. I change him, I feed him, cuddle, care to him, breast feed, give him baths, play games. We have done this for days at a time. What he told me is you can make me to whatever you want. He said that is what I do not understand. He says that I can make him do anything his mommy just has to be really good, and this includes having the power of things working out between us. I guess I am confused on the boundaries or lack there of and him not helping all that much. Maybe is it he just needs more of the role playing? I guess what I would toss out there to you now is he wants to be controlled in this way and have it flow over into our normal relationship. I do not know if I have a question or just want to hear some ideas on that. Because it just seems he wants me to take complete control in the role playing and move it over to our everyday life. But this is more than just role playing, this is a life style for him, and I am willing to be a part of that. I would do it everyday if I also got my needs met.
    Allow me to just say that I am so happy you two have found each other. It is a magical and, all too often, elusive partnership that not only exhibits tolerance of our lifestyle, but also includes roleplay-based involvement. So, kudos to both of you for being so open-minded.

    As for the control factor he's looking for, I think it clearly ties into the quasi-BDSM issue of dominance versus submission; there is another recent thread related to this that may be of interest to you. He is looking for you to take charge and remove the concept of 'control' that we gain grasp of as we age. I would think it to be a safe assumption to say that a vast majority of us ABDLs want to take on the submissive part while roleplaying. Therefore, the fact that he wishes to isn't really surprising.

    To once more incorporate personal experience, my wife and I are trying to discover that proper balance of control that each of us desires in roleplay. It is a delicate task, as the proportions of who has more control in our adult lives is not likely to sync up with that to be found during regression. I would like her to take on a more motherly role, see me more as a helpless kid, but that's a hard persona to simply slide into, especially since she's been playing the part of a wife for three years.

    Your partner is desiring to take this one step further and wanting to carry over this the child-like level of submissiveness to the more adult side of him, as well. (Unless I am misinterpreting your post: does he still want an adult-aspect to your relationship or all RP, all the time?) The fact is there is no one-size-fits-all level of dominance or submissiveness. He clearly wants you to take more control away from him and further allow him to regress to the mindset of a child, one which possesses neither care nor concern.

    Every one is different. As long as you keep the lines of communication open, you'll eventually find that ideal balance. Again, if you are pushed to a point where you feel uncomfortable, express this sentiment to him. Although he wants to be little, at the end of the day, he is still an adult and must respect your desires just as equally as he wants you to indulge in his. ^_^

  6. #6
    ABob

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    Like onecho mentioned, communication and honesty is key to any good relationship. You may not get everything ironed out in one sitting so take your time and let nature take it's course.

    Making clear boundaries is very important too. You should never have to do anything that you wouldn't like to do and nor should he be forced to do anything he wouldn't want to do.

  7. #7

    Default

    I wonder if he wants some of the things which are written into stories on some other sites? There are a number of dominating wife stories, who become mad at their husbands for acting immature and finally put their foot down. They then go to the store and make "that big purchase". As the stories go, that would definitely include diapers and plastic pants, and sometimes adult baby furniture, etc.

    Then, hubbie has been a bad, naughty boy, and must be put into diapers and basically humiliated through a number of different ways. If this is something he wants, you'll have to talk it out. You can get plenty of ideas from these kinds of stories.

  8. #8

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    Hey there! Being a new mommy is crazy huh!
    I've been playing the juggling role of being my boyfriend's partner, mommy, and best friend for about a year now, and the best advice I can give is to just be painfully open with each other about absolutely everything. Sometimes if I'm curious about what my boyfriend likes I'll ask random questions and even get online and look at adult baby websites. I ask what his favorite colors are, what kind of AB furniture he may want in the future, I've asked if he's interested in little girl clothes, or just little boy clothes, I've asked if he wants to try different kinds of diapers, or if he likes the kind we use... basically anything you can think of that may give you insight to what his preferences are, and once he sees that you're taking a strong interest in finding out how to care for him, he may think of new ways to tell you what he likes.

    My boyfriend really enjoys sensory deprivation because it gives him a chance to really relax and not care about anything, so I'll blindfold him with a bandana and sometimes put ear plugs in his ears and just take care of him how I normally would. I've adopted an awesome way of swaddling him that's pretty difficult to get out of. I use two bed sheets... one is a cotton sheet, and the other one is jersey knit (both queen size) I lay out the jersey sheet, and then fold the cotton sheet in half a few times so it's a long strip and lay it across where his arms will go. I then have him lay down and doing one side and then the other, I bring the cotton sheet up between his ribs and his arm, and then wrap it around his arm and have him roll over to his side so I can tuck it behind his back. After doing that to the other side as well, he can't move his arms and that makes swaddling with the jersey knit sheet very effective because he can't just wiggle loose.

    Try feeding him blind folded. Make some of his favorite foods that he likes to eat while you two are role playing and feed him, adding lots of kind words and comments, just as if you were feeding a baby. Always try to say sweet things that will make him smile like "you're doing so well eating your baby bites" and "you're such a good eater, I'm so glad you're my little baby" Definitely read to him! Find books that were your personal favorites that you can share with him, and find out what books he use to love, and new ones at the store that you'd just really love to read to him. If you're enjoying yourself, chances are he will too.

    Go to the dollar tree, and look for their baby powder air freshener on the baby isle. It's a really cool trick to help your little one feel comfortable and loved. It will show that you took time to make him feel special! If you haven't found a bottle that he loves yet, try the playtex ventaire bottles either with the bottle nipple it comes with, or the special nuk 5 bottle nipple. It's honestly super awesome because it lets the air escape a lot easier. Umm.... Any other questions.... definitely feel free to message me. That goes for anybody! I'd be happy to share what I've tried.

    ---------- Post added at 21:46 ---------- Previous post was at 21:32 ----------

    Oh, also adding to the part about wanting to make sure that your needs are met... that's definitely possible! My boyfriend and I definitely take turns with our date nights. Sometimes we just hang and do things that we both love to do like going to dinner and playing games or watching movies (normal stuff) but then we have nights that are specially for him, and nights that are specially for me, and we spoil each other. The ABDL thing isn't our only preference... I enjoy puppy play, and we're both into BDSM, so we have lots of different ways to bond and communicate with each other. It really makes things fun since we're being good and waiting till marriage to enjoy each other entirely... we just play lots of different ways so that we can stay connected and be intimate without crossing moral boundaries.

    Everything is give and take, and you're definitely entitled to say "hey, in the next week or so... we need to have a me night" and let him know what you'd like to do and have him start thinking ahead of time about how he's going to give you the attention you'd like to receive. One thing that goes both ways is massages. About the only thing that changes there is the kind of lotion used. I'll give him baby massages with johnsons baby lotion on his nights, and he uses lotions that I like on my nights. One thing people always make mistakes on when it comes to massages, is wanting to be done too quick. Take your time and realize that the gift your giving your partner is the opportunity to be completely relaxed. Don't stop 20 minutes into a massage. Don't know if that tip was needed or not, but I felt like rambling.

  9. #9
    BabyJayk

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    Quote Originally Posted by Here2Learn View Post
    Thank you both. I know, I have asked him and I feel like there is something he is not telling me. I change him, I feed him, cuddle, care to him, breast feed, give him baths, play games. We have done this for days at a time. What he told me is you can make me to whatever you want. He said that is what I do not understand. He says that I can make him do anything his mommy just has to be really good, and this includes having the power of things working out between us. I guess I am confused on the boundaries or lack there of and him not helping all that much. Maybe is it he just needs more of the role playing? I guess what I would toss out there to you now is he wants to be controlled in this way and have it flow over into our normal relationship. I do not know if I have a question or just want to hear some ideas on that. Because it just seems he wants me to take complete control in the role playing and move it over to our everyday life. But this is more than just role playing, this is a life style for him, and I am willing to be a part of that. I would do it everyday if I also got my needs met.
    It sounds to me like he wants you to have more control of him in order to make him feel protected. I am not an expert by any means but I think I know a little of what he is feeling. With out a Mommy figure to give him direction and help him do things, his little side feels like a toddler lost in Wal-Mart. He might feel exposed and insecure. A Baby-sitter can change diapers, give baths, and play games. But he looks to a Mommy figure to be the final authority on things just like any baby would. Even when not role-playing he might be looking to you for input or even permission on some things because of the feeling of security.

    I could be totally of base but its just something to consider.

  10. #10

    Default

    I think that you have totally hit it head on. I have been thinking about it for a couple of days and I now understand what he says when he needs more from me. And he will/does look for the input/permission when we are not role playing. But there is also that fine line of him getting upset when i dont want him to do things and we fight. Do I then bring him into the role play or is he really putting his foot down. I guess that is where my confusion and frustration comes from. Me not realizing it before as well led to me not being able to communicate my confusion. Ideas on that? Thanks

    ---------- Post added 09-08-2011 at 00:04 ---------- Previous post was 08-08-2011 at 23:56 ----------

    Thanks for the tips, I was thinking about swaddling him and that tip will be helpful.

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