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Thread: Coming Out (Now I need some help :( )

  1. #1

    Default Coming Out (Now I need some help :( )

    I'm in the process of coming out. No, not as a TB/DL, but as a homosexual. I've known I was gay for years, and thanks to the help of my youth group, God, ADISC, and the Montreat Youth Conference, I've had the courage to come out. I told some people in my youth group, my youth group director, and my parents. I wanted to come out to everyone, but my parents strongly urged against it, and later admitted that if I had come out to everyone they would of moved me to my aunt's house to go to high-school in Tampa. I'm taking the advice of one of the college students in my youth group, who has helped me though a lot these past two weeks. I'm so glad to have all this help, including on this site. A lot of my friends on here have helped me though many other hardships I faced, and I feel honored to call them friends. The point of this thread is to not only share my story, but to try to help others in some way. If you are going though a hard time in your life, whether it be embracing a part of yourself, such as being a *B/DL or gay, or something else, just know that you can trust many people on this site. And you can always PM me if you want help, because I will do my best to help you. This thread is also to share your story about coming out, because I know I am not the only one. Maybe though all our stories and hardships, we can help one another and grow as a community.
    Last edited by Shadowhawk; 07-Aug-2011 at 03:16.

  2. #2
    babyricky11

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    That sounds nice, i have yet to come out, but when im ready

  3. #3

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    I still haven't worked up the courage to tell my parents...how did you do it?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Col View Post
    I still haven't worked up the courage to tell my parents...how did you do it?
    I told them over the phone, since I was in North Carolina, 9 hours away from my house and my parents. And I just told them, I said flat out. "I'm gay." I can't recommend this for everyone though, because all parents are different.

  5. #5

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    I'm really pleased you've had such support and it's gone well.
    I am always envious of such outcomes, as my own was less-than-pleasant.
    It was a massive shock to my parents and they didn't take it well. I was kicked out a week after my 17th birthday, told I was no longer their son etc etc.
    I lived with a boyfriend for many months, but eventually returned home to rebuild the relationship with my parents.
    They realised, though, that they had been wrong to react as they did and worked hard to understand me and my new life.
    Now - things have never been better. It took a long time and a lot of pain, but now we're closer than ever.
    I wish it had gone as well as yours.

    I think things are getting easier year-by-year for the younger ones.

  6. #6

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    I'm glad you had an overall good reaction when you came out. Honestly, I give you and all the other "young 'uns" that come out so early a ton of credit. I didn't come out until I was 25, and that was after a whole lot of soul-searching and introspection and dealing with the religious programming.

    That said, when I did finally come out, my parents didn't bat an eye. I didn't even get a chance to say it, as my mom filled in the rest after I started, and then she told me she knew when I was 12. All but one or two of my friends took it in stride, and several remarked that it was like I suddenly became a complete person and that I mellowed out a whole lot.

    So yeah, it's totally doable. My only regret is that it took me so damn long to grow a set and do it.

    Also, if anyone is finding themselves needing advice or an empathetic ear, feel free to drop me a message.

  7. #7

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    Congratulations! It's nice to know that you have a web of supporters, especially people in your youth group. I know that some religions can be extremist and that can make it hard to hope for acceptance, but I'm glad you have found some people who accept you!

    ---------- Post added at 13:38 ---------- Previous post was at 13:35 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by xbabyx View Post
    So yeah, it's totally doable. My only regret is that it took me so damn long to grow a set and do it.
    I don't want to sound to philosophical, but "It's not always the destination that you arrive at, But the path of which you take to get there"

  8. #8

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    My coming out wasn't so great. I thought my parents would be ok with it because they are accepting of gays. Well, I was wrong. My mom was pissed and my dad didn't say anything to me. So after months of church groups, counseling, religious counseling, and many many fights, they realized that I was not going to change. My mom still hates the fact that I am gay, but she doesn't say anything about it because it would just end up in a fight. Things seemed ok until I started dating. Then the shit hit the fan again. The relationship didn't last long because of her always wanting to know where I was and what I was doing.

  9. #9

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    Well something new has come up. Where I though both my parents understood that I was gay, and they don't want me to publicly come out until after high-school for fear that it will distract me from school and other responsibilities, they now want something totally different. My mom flat out said that she wanted to take me to someone to help me change, so hopefully I can be straight, or at least bi, by the time my sexuality is locked in. Her words, not mine. I'm so appalled and hurt by this. They don't want to send me to some Pray-the-Gay-Away places, but she wants me to see a counselor or something. She says that if I turn out gay, both her and my dad will be very disappointed. Now, she said they would always love me, and I believe them. But damn it stung when she said that she would be disappointed. In my heart, I know I'm gay, and I told her, but she won't listen! Any advice?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadowhawk View Post
    Well something new has come up. Where I though both my parents understood that I was gay, and they don't want me to publicly come out until after high-school for fear that it will distract me from school and other responsibilities, they now want something totally different. My mom flat out said that she wanted to take me to someone to help me change, so hopefully I can be straight, or at least bi, by the time my sexuality is locked in. Her words, not mine. I'm so appalled and hurt by this. They don't want to send me to some Pray-the-Gay-Away places, but she wants me to see a counselor or something. She says that if I turn out gay, both her and my dad will be very disappointed. Now, she said they would always love me, and I believe them. But damn it stung when she said that she would be disappointed. In my heart, I know I'm gay, and I told her, but she won't listen! Any advice?
    That's terribly stupid of them and I'm sorry you had to hear it. It really shouldn't hurt to talk to a counsellor, if nothing else to have someone to discuss your feelings about your parents' lame-brained reaction. I think the best you can hope is that with time and effort on everyone's part, they will come to understand what you need. Worst case, they'll be "disappointed" and you'll have to get on with your life. Remember that reality is on your side in this one but they can stick their fingers in their ears going "la la la la la la I'm not listening la la la la" if they want to deny that reality. Again, I'm sorry. It shouldn't be like that. You just have to be what you are.

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