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Thread: Fitting In

  1. #1

    Default Fitting In

    I realize I'm a teenager and we're all supposed to have trouble at some point with fitting in with others, but I feel really stuck.

    I feel really lonely because I don't fit in anywhere besides here, and sometimes I don't feel like I fit in here either. I don't fit in with my friends anymore because (as stuck up as this sounds) I can't have a conversation on any sort of intellectual level with them, and the maturity level they're at is nowhere near mine. I don't fit in with my family because they're always pushing me to be someone I'm not. I don't fit in at school because regardless of what I join, I'm always the 'nerd'. I don't fit in at the college where I hang out occasionally, because I'm seen as the young one.

    I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I used to say that I don't really care what people think of me, but it's starting to get me down because it's actually really lonely.

    I'm just stuck and being alone all the time is not going to help my efforts of trying to keep depression away.

    Does anyone else have any problems with feeling lonely/not fitting in, and if so, what have you done to solve it?

  2. #2

    Default

    I had a very similar time as a teen. And still kinda do as an adult. I was a smart kid, but not smart enough for the 'nerdy' clubs. I wasn't all that good at chess. I wasn't science-smart enough for the science club. I fit in OK with the Math club, but i thought they were too nerdy for me. I had about 4 real friends that i liked to hang out with throughout most of middle/high school. And looking back, i really did not have anything in common with the four of them. There was a drama nerd, an OCD girl, a wannabe jock, a quiet kid, and me. We were more or less a band of misfits and that is why we got along i think.

    The one thing i would say and i know it is the most cliche piece of advise anyone could give, but it really is the best... BE YOURSELF! Never try to change who you are to fit in. Do what your good at and be nice to others, and you will eventually make friends that like you for who you are.

    Try some clubs, afterschool activities out. If you don't like them... quit. Eventually you will find somewhere you fit, but don't 'try' to fit in, just let it happen.

  3. #3

    Default

    I often feel the same way. I haven't found any solution yet. Sometimes I just feel like there's no place for me in this world.

    I am nice, but I am horrible at being social. Half the time I just don't know what to talk about with people. And I refuse to change who I am just to make some fake friends. If I'm going to have friends, which would be nice... I want them to be real friends.

    Right now, I don't have any friends besides online people. I did have some friends back in high school, but we all seem to have lost touch with each other for one reason or another.

  4. #4
    LittleDrummerGirl

    Default

    I know exactly how you feel. Its pretty much the same with me, only I think to a bit more of the extent of "pushed out" rather than just "not fitting in"- I really do get bulliead a lot at school, and I fell like no matter how hard I try, I just never can fit in.

  5. #5

    Default

    You probably haven't searched the right places in which you could find someone who agrees with you and accepts you for who you are, but that will only work as long as you accept yourself. If you force others to like you or pretend to be someone you are not, then you will never be authentic and thus, remain alone. Don't care about what the popular guys look like or what they have, because they RARELY have a real friend, actually a lot of them have a very screwed-up life. Sure, at some point most people feel like they are doomed to be social rejects and whatever they do, it will only backfire blahblahblahblah...I used to be like that because I had a very hard time accepting myself for what I was and am, I still have my problems but I know that accepting myself is the most important step to become stronger.

    In other words: Accept yourself and others to be accepted, this will not automatically give you friends, but it will make the ordeal much much easier for you and remember this world is bigger than you think. We are your friends after all, you can come in here and talk with us about whatever you have in your head,

  6. #6

    Default

    I'm not sure that we as humans, are the most social creatures. I suspect that most teens would admit to feelings of not fitting in. Most of us have our friends, and often, regard everyone else as having their own odd behavior. The older I get, the more I would like to live way out in the country, with few or no neighbors. I get along well with other people, but for most of the day, I would rather do my own thing.

    Looking at the bigger picture, I really don't like where our country is going, and that is largely because I don't go along with the majority of Americans. They're too conservative, close minded, prejudicial, and quite frankly, stupid. So here we are as a group of people, and is it any wonder we feel like we don't fit in. I suspect that no one fits in. We are all odd parts knocking around and trying to stay out of each others way.

    Still, it's good to have just a few special friends, people you have common interests with and can go out and have some fun. There's music, art, physical activities, parks, movies and so many things to do. Be kind to yourself and accept who you are, and the few friends you do have. Enjoy their company and don't worry about all the others, because they probably feel the same as you.

  7. #7

    Default

    I definitely know how you feel. I went through more less the same thing in high school. I found more congenial companions in university and have continued to seek them out throughout my adult life. However, the best solution that I've found is just to accept myself as being somewhat different and something of a loner. I finally figured out that fitting in isn't all that important if you are doing things that are interesting, fun, and intellectually fulfilling.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ShippoFox View Post
    I am nice, but I am horrible at being social. Half the time I just don't know what to talk about with people. And I refuse to change who I am just to make some fake friends. If I'm going to have friends, which would be nice... I want them to be real friends.

    Right now, I don't have any friends besides online people. I did have some friends back in high school, but we all seem to have lost touch with each other for one reason or another.
    is about word for word my same issue. I feel like I don't really fit in some days because it seems like I never have friends anymore. It doesn't help being the person that isn't willing to walk up to strangers and say, "hi!" the only time I met anyone the past few years (after highschool) was through a club, which my school last year didn't have (and I was too nervous to go join a different one).

  9. #9

    Default

    I'm not planning on trying to change to fit in. That's...not me, to say the least.

    I'm not looking to fit in and be the same as everyone else, nothing like that. I just think it would be nice to have a place/friend where I'm accepted for who I am, to fit in that way. It seems to be impossible finding it, is all.

    I'll admit that there are a lot of clubs/sports/groups/etc. at our school, but, they all have their cliques within them. For example, say I joined volleyball, well, it wouldn't be any fun because I'd always be sitting on the bench, the girls would hate me, and I wouldn't gain anything except sore muscles and bruises. (I know that one from experience.) I'm really limited on sports anyways thanks to my asthma, though.

    If I'm looking in the wrong places, then where am I actually supposed to look?

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Xelxier View Post
    I'm not planning on trying to change to fit in. That's...not me, to say the least.

    I'm not looking to fit in and be the same as everyone else, nothing like that. I just think it would be nice to have a place/friend where I'm accepted for who I am, to fit in that way. It seems to be impossible finding it, is all.

    I'll admit that there are a lot of clubs/sports/groups/etc. at our school, but, they all have their cliques within them. For example, say I joined volleyball, well, it wouldn't be any fun because I'd always be sitting on the bench, the girls would hate me, and I wouldn't gain anything except sore muscles and bruises. (I know that one from experience.) I'm really limited on sports anyways thanks to my asthma, though.

    If I'm looking in the wrong places, then where am I actually supposed to look?
    In high school, it's rough. It's super cliquey and bla bla blah. In high school, my group of friends was largely comprised of the others like me, the ones that didn't fit into the other groups. I wasnt into sports, I wasn't rich enough to hang out with most of the more intelligent types in my school, I was too smart for the metal shop and druggie crowds. There were the few of us that were the outcasts, and we became our own group. Coincidentally, I'm still friends with most of them today.

    College, on the other hand, is an awesome place, and there are enough people doing different things that you're bound to get on with at least one of them. Also, a lot of the cliqueyness goes away as people leave their hometowns a d start meeting new people from new backgrounds and are able to start figuring themselves out as people without the social pressures of their hometown.

    The most imperative thing is to just be yourself, and if you don't get on with the people in your school, fuck 'em. Use that as motivation to do well and get the fuck out of dodge. That was what I did, and I feel as though it came out well.

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