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Thread: Today at the the grocery store…:(

  1. #1

    Default Today at the the grocery store…:(

    I don't know what's the matter with me. For a while, I've just been feeling really down and out. And today at the grocery store, I saw a new dad with his little girl that he was carrying on his hip.

    I don't know what it is but whenever I see a parent and child together, I get really really sad and kind of like, "Awww" and kind of go into a trance.

    I don't know what it is, maybe it has to do with my disability and the fact that I'm probably never be able to pickup my own kids when I have them. I can barely pick up my baby brother. Even though I have a lot of fatherly instinct in me I don't know if I will be able to father my kids like my father did me…

    I just feel like a complete waste of space and I feel like a failure....

  2. #2

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    Listen, nobody's a waste of space! Even though you may have a disability, you can still contribute to the world greatly! Use your brain, maybe you'll invent something. Or help out someone in desperate need. Or tell someone they're not a waste of space, no matter what they think. Heck, look at Steven Hawking!

    Your brain is your most powerful organ, use it well.

    And you may not be able to pick up your child, but you can still help them out with their problems and worries. Just being there for your child can be the difference in raising a Bill Gates or a bin Laden. Show your kid you're there for them, and when they get older and have a well paying job (due to your great parenting!), they'll be able to help you out in return! Kids are like animals (not literally), give them your heart and they'll give you there's.

  3. #3

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    Picking up your child does not make you a father - so don't beat yourself up over that. We all interact with out environments in different ways. I saw a woman who had her arms amputated ... she was so desperate to keep her children, she showed that she could change them with her feet. Another woman with partial paralysis changed her child with her teeth (eww). Point is, love is the most important ingredient in raising a child. Providing a secure environment in which that child may grow.

    I have the sense from your post that your issues may run deep and please do not take offense at my next suggestion: seek counseling. A professional may help to assist you if you have issues with depression.

    Be well, goodnightmoon92

  4. #4
    Dolphins2011

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    You don't need to lift your kids to be a good dad.

    Just be the best damn father you can be. Provide for your kids and give them a happy childhood. Even if you don't have arms that work well, you have a brain; put it to good use.

    Best wishes and good luck, I know you can be a great father.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyPandora View Post
    Listen, nobody's a waste of space! Even though you may have a disability, you can still contribute to the world greatly! Use your brain, maybe you'll invent something. Or help out someone in desperate need. Or tell someone they're not a waste of space, no matter what they think. Heck, look at Steven Hawking!

    Your brain is your most powerful organ, use it well.

    And you may not be able to pick up your child, but you can still help them out with their problems and worries. Just being there for your child can be the difference in raising a Bill Gates or a bin Laden. Show your kid you're there for them, and when they get older and have a well paying job (due to your great parenting!), they'll be able to help you out in return! Kids are like animals (not literally), give them your heart and they'll give you there's.
    I couldn't have said it any better. My dad had a terrible heart and couldn't do all the things other dads could do, but he was always there for me. I would ask him to have a catch, and he would, but they didn't last long because his heart would bother him. But he had the greatest sense of humor, and he gave his to me.

    When I was 16 I bought a sailboat thinking it would be easy to sail. I was very wrong, and after I got completely frustrated, he went out with me and taught me to sail. Soon, we went out every evening sailing, enjoyed the quiet, or talked. I asked him where he learned to sail, and he said he didn't. He simply figured it out. He was amazing.

    My wife has been in a wheel chair for the last six years. In that time we were blessed with two grandchildren. I knew that we would be the grandparents that couldn't do the same thing with the kids as the other, healthier grandparents. I'm healthy, but my wife can't walk, or run after them. I read your thread to her just now, and she told me that it always hurts. But she has done other things with them. We shop for them, and she reads to them, holds them in her lap, and interacts as best as she can. She made a story book staring the 3 year old, with pictures of him integrated into the story book, and printed out on our color printer.

    I'm a story teller, and i love being silly with them, telling them stories, playing on the floor with their toys, and making up stories and adventures with their toys. The three year old repeats what I do, and when we come back and visit, he is repeating the story. Parenting is so much more than running or throwing a ball. Don't give up, because you can be that story teller, the one who tells and thus gives your children all the tools they need to be happy and successful.

  6. #6

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    It sounds like you're suffering an emotionally depressive response to your disability, which is completely understandable, and thinking you won't find the same connection to your future-children that other dads seem to is a trigger for this upset. Perhaps find someone who specialises in disability-related-depression that can help talk you through this and help you find your inner strength again? My partner of 3 years next month is disabled, he has CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and we've mused over the idea of children here and there. He's worried that he won't be able to do anything to help out or contribute to their growing due to him having no energy, but his talent is his brain. He's extremely intelligent and probably would've got into MENSA had he had the energy to complete their examinations! So he can pass on his decades of knowledge and unique world view.
    The key here is to find what you're good at, to find something special you'd love to pass along and let that be your driving focus.

  7. #7

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    As has been said by nearly everone above, your ability to pick up your son or daughter is not going to be a facter in weither or not your a good father, I Don't want to make this about me, but I never had a father, he was always around, but never cared enough to do anything with/for me. Believe me, your not a waist of space man, if you are worried about failing because of lack of physical strength think about this; My grandfather is 63, has a bad knee, several damaged discs in his back, has been shot 5 or 6 times and lived, and survived 5 helecopter crashes in "Nom", needless to say, he cannot do anything for me phsically, but he has given me more opertunity, and caring that both my perfectly able biological parents.

    Everyone is gonna have some lows man, I can't say I understand what you are dealing with, but I can say it must take a lot of courage. Tender loving care, and your pressence in their life is going to meen so much more to them than anythng else. If you're there for your child, to support him/or her emotionally, you'll be the dad many of us probably wish we could have had.

    With Hope and Admiration

    -malix

  8. #8

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    Thank you everyone. I just feel like a timer has gone off and i feel like i need to find a girl and have my kids like now

  9. #9

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    That's a nice sentiment. I was anxious to be a dad, but I waited until I was 24 to get married and a couple of years later to become a dad. There's something to be said for maturity, though I have always been a late bloomer. Anyway, I wish you the best in all of this.

  10. #10
    Odl9791

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    I feel for you. I'm not a father, partly by choice, partly by circumstance. I have mixed feelings of when I see a father and his kids when I'm out and about. On the one hand, I get this aww how cute feeling, on the other, I know that I'm a long way off from that, if ever. I have had a brief stint in father hood. Looking back, I was doing the same things my father did with my sister and I. He was distant at times and an alcoholic. I don't drink, but I know that there were times more often than not that I wanted to be left alone. I guess my thing is that I don't want to raise my kids the way we were raised. Don't get me wrong, Dad tried the best he could, but even he admits that he could have done much better.
    As for the waste of space, trust me, you're not. I've had my times of feeling like a waste of time, space, breath, etc... As I type this, there are people who love you, care for you, and depend on you. Think of your little brother. Despite his age, he has never known life without you. I have to think of these same things when I get into my "dark place." There have been times where I wish my life would just end, but I think of those who I would be letting down and who would be hurt if I did. Just something to keep in mind.

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