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Thread: Asexuality and dating...

  1. #1

    Default Asexuality and dating...

    So is it wrong to have a relationship with someone if you don't find them sexually attractive? I find women mildly attractive ... at least till the clothes come off. I also have no interest sexually in men. Should I bother dating girls in college if I don't want sex ever... I would like a close friend to cuddle/be close to but I want nothing more. I feel kind of lonely right now.

  2. #2

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    Well, here's the thing. I don't think it's wrong so long as you're completely honest about what you want in a relationship.

  3. #3

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    I'll think you'll find that there are girls who feel the same way. You simply need to find someone like that. Like CuddleWoozle said, if you're honest and upfront about it, you'll eliminate the ones who want sex, and eventually find the girl who's right for you. Besides, girls will talk, and maybe one who listens will be interested in you. Good luck.

  4. #4

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    I'm in the same boat, except I do like nudity quite a bit as well. Just sex itself has never been an interest or driving factor in anything. Not going to lie, it's tough.

  5. #5

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    Whether it's right or wrong isn't a question you can ask without first asking another: What is the purpose of the relationship?

    There appears to be a growing trend these days (much to my disgust) that it's all about the sex. Man goes looking for woman in a bar or club, they have a few drinks then to to one of the other's houses and have sex. Perhaps it's a one night stand, it could be more regular than that, but if the primary reason they're 'together' is for the sex then I don't see much difference between the two.
    On the other hand, you could be looking for a relationship where it's more about the support you can give to each other and having somebody to live your life with. That's not to say the relationship wont involve sex, but it's different because the sex is not the focus of the relationship.

    Another thing is not to confuse sexually attractive with attractive. I find a few girls attractive, but being asexual and having no desire to have sex with them means I obviously don't find them sexually attractive. The thing that likely matters to the girl (or boy if that's what you're looking for) is that you care about them, for whatever reason you find them attractive. As it happens, the girls I like are nearly always the ones that the sex crazed guys don't, I suppose that's because if you're not in it for sex, you're probably looking for different things.

    The important thing you need to know, is that you just need to find someone the same type as you are. If you're not interested in sex, then a relationship with someone who is looking for sex is never going to work, and I do think it would be dishonest to enter into such a relationship without mentioning it first. Likewise if you're sex crazed, you'd never get on fully with someone who wasn't looking for that kind of relationship. So just make sure before you start you both know what you want from the relationship, and then you shouldn't have any problems.

    That said, there is a very important difference between not being in it for sex, and never having sex. In any long term relationship there will be the question of children, and obviously sex is necessary for that to happen. I'm fine with having sex on a few occasions like that, but if you're not at all then you need to mention it.

  6. #6

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    It's fine. My GF has expressed she would enjoy having sex, but since I'm never taking my pants off until after my SRS, she's accepted that and doesn't consider losing sex (in the way that is biologically correct) worth ending our relationship. There's somebody like that for everyone who needs them.

  7. #7

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    I'm with everyone here, as long as you're up front and honest, then you should be good to go. :-)

  8. #8

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    I think your engaging in a Romantic friendship setting, where you don't want the Sex and stuff but just want the cuddle and being close. [Correct me if I am wrong]

    There is nothing wrong with that, but as with everyone said, be clear with your mate about it all so there isint any confusion or anything!

  9. #9

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    It's not wrong in the slightest. People get married because they want to be with that person, but because of the sex.

    You want to date because you want to be with that person or with someone to snuggle and cuddle.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverSmall View Post
    So is it wrong to have a relationship with someone if you don't find them sexually attractive? I find women mildly attractive ... at least till the clothes come off. I also have no interest sexually in men. Should I bother dating girls in college if I don't want sex ever... I would like a close friend to cuddle/be close to but I want nothing more. I feel kind of lonely right now.
    It's only "wrong" if the other person was deceived into having a relationship with you if they had an expectation there would be sex, or that they thought they could turn you on.

    I would go out dating, but make it clear when you're having your first discussions with people that you're more into platonic physical intimacy (i.e. cuddling/snuggling) than actual sex. I'm sure you'll find many women appreciate that sentiment and will embark on a relationship with you. If people wanted sex they can go a play pick-up at a bar, if they want a relationship then you go dating. But I do think that as a relationship lasts longer, they will eventually want to have sex, but if having intercourse once in a while is the "price" of having a cuddle-buddy then I'd go for it.

    That said, when I was in university I didn't have much trouble finding other ABDLs I could cuddle up with (granted, they were all male, but that didn't bother me at all). As much as I now despise furries (why yes, I am self-loathing, thank you) you can always count on them for a good cuddle, it comes with their complete lack of social modulation.

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