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Thread: Need advice from fellow married guys

  1. #1

    Default Need advice from fellow married guys

    I know it's been eons since I've posted or even been on ADISC but I need some help. This year my wife and I will have been married 5 years and we're no farther along on the diaper issue than when I first told her back when we were engaged. Fast forward, we now have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. My desires to wear diapers have never really went away, though they have come and gone for periods of time in the past 5 years. We are currently potty training our son and this has made me wearing diapers a huge issue. She gets very angry and doesn't speak to me for a day and says things like "how can you discipline your son for not using the potty when you don't practice it yourself." Understandably, I feel conflicted, but I also feel I am an adult and can do what I choose. Deep down though, I think about years down the road and not wanting my kids to find out about my desires, and I feel I truly want to stop. Unfortunately, I also feel like this is a sort of addiction that I can't ever be cured of, only force myself to think about other things. I wish I had some people I could talk to when I feel tempted to indulge to keep me in check and help me through it, but there doesn't seem to be any kind of "AA" for diaper wearers, at least not that I know about. I feel like I can't talk to my wife about it, she's no help and most of time if she even does talk to be after bringing it up it's "I don't know what you want me to say". It's very frustrating and I feel like I'm trapped and I have no outlet for this.

  2. #2

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    If she makes a comment about disciplining your son perhaps she doesn't really like the method you are training him with. Perhaps she would prefer you to relax a bit more with the process. It's a really hard situation to help with because of my inability to read any body language or have any context.


    I think you need to have a talk with your wife about what AB/DL means to you. If it helps you relax, if it is more of a sexual nature, make her understand why it is important to you. Also make her understand that the fact that you wear diapers for recreation is completely irrelevant to potty training your child. Society dictates that children should be able to use the potty unless there is a medical reason that makes it impossible.

    If you are getting stress over something like this it is going to affect your family, most importantly your kids. You don't want to randomly snap at them because you are frustrated because of this dispute with your wife. At the same time you don't need them to sense the tension about you being AB/DL. It's a really tricky situation and I can't say for sure what is the best method because I don't know you or your wife.

  3. #3

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    I can't really say what would be best for you two but maybe if you set a time when they are both out for you to wear for an hour or two to get it out of your system. That's what i do with my girlfriend when she stays with me for extended periods of time

  4. #4

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    Only thing I have to say is remember she loves you and your children, and love is a never ending battle.

    If i were you I would sit down with the wife and discuss the possability of you haveing your diaper wearing time away from the family, as it sounds like she is not wanting your diaper desires to be noticed by the children or other members of the family.
    This is something you will have to work on and come to a understanding with your wife about, just remember to get a little you have to give a little.

    My wife was not so keen on the idea of me wearing diapers when family was around and I was not allowed to wear only a diaper any time our son was home from school.
    I had to keep my diaper out of site and when I did get the chance to wear I never left anything behind to remind her that I had worn a diaper.
    This lasted for a few years untill I was allowed to wear my diapers as often as I wanted, but it took time and love to get to the point of allowing me to wear as I wanted.

    I do hope every thing works out for you and your family, don't let the diaper come between the ones you love and your desire to wear them.

  5. #5

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    Thanks kwis, shifty & lonnie for your replies. I did some digging and found my first post here:
    http://www.adisc.org/forum/diaper-ta...arriage-3.html
    That gives a little bit of background info, but essentially she's never really accepted this part of me. Since that first post, I have begun buying real diapers to use, but have still gone through a couple binge/purge cycles. Now, with two kids we rarely get any "alone time", and when the kids are finally in bed she usually is passed out on the couch... so much for alone time (I swear I married a narcoleptic). We both work full time and her job is high stress & on her feet all the time, so I can understand her being tired a lot or snapping at me because she doesn't like this "thing" at all. As a result, I frequently feel a great deal of sexual tension, and she's generally not available, whether it be at work or asleep. So, there is a great deal of temptation to rely on the diapers as a stress reliever. She knows this goes on and where the stash is, and will count the diapers I have left to know when I have been using them. Add potty training into the mix, and you can understand my internal conflict. As with every binge/purge cycle, I feel I am currently at a crossroads. (Side note, I have also used my last diaper and have yet to buy more). I can either make yet another effort to stop the cycle, or I can continue doing it and make a conscientious effort to stimulate her emotional side more (in which area I have been admittedly lacking). If I choose the first path, I feel I do not have the willpower to stop, or that the tension will be redirected to a more negative outlet (anger towards wife/kids, alcohol, etc). She is the only person that knows me personally and knows about this part of me, and since I feel I can't talk to her about it, I feel like I have no accountability- or anyone to vent to about it (I'm not the type of person to go and open up about my personal issues to someone else in the first place). So, despite good intentions toward her to put the whole diaper thing behind me, this seems inevitably destructive, if history is any indication. If I choose the second path, I feel like I'd have to keep it hidden from her, because she'll just get mad again when more diapers show up in the closet. This may also result in being caught by either her or the kids, another fight, and another vicious cycle. In either course of action, I may be being too selfish. I admit that I am more inclined to think about myself and what I want more than her needs. So, perhaps I need to proceed with an attitude of trying to relate more emotionally to her. If she becomes more emotionally fulfilled, then maybe on one hand it'd be easier for me to stop altogether. Or, on the other hand, maybe she'd be less concerned about me using diapers occasionally... but the voice in the back of my mind says, "ha! who are you kidding?"

  6. #6

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    I wonder if there is an area where you can compromise? There must be things she wants out of life. I don't think it's too much to ask to have at least a day or two where you indulge yourself. That would leave five or six days where you didn't. For years, I had Friday off from work, so I would wear while I was cleaning house, all the while my wife was at work. This worked out for many years until my wife became ill and had to retire on full disability. I eventually had to divulge that I was an infantilist and wore diapers. Fortunately, she was very accepting, and I wear to bed.

    The thing is, I don't wear to bed every night. It varies from once a week to three times a week. If your wife can't allow you one night a week, you need to see a marriage counselor, though I guess that might be very embarrassing for you.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by mattdl View Post
    I feel I am currently at a crossroads. (Side note, I have also used my last diaper and have yet to buy more). I can either make yet another effort to stop the cycle, or I can continue doing it and make a conscientious effort to stimulate her emotional side more (in which area I have been admittedly lacking).
    Well, it's supposed to be give and take in a relationship so no matter what you pick, this is a good idea. You're never going to quit. It's like asking someone to stop eating. You could survive, I suppose, on minimal food, but to be yourself you need a healthy diet. Stop pretending that quitting for her sake is an option. It's not!

    I know its extreme and all, but you're still fairly young. If you can't settle this in the next few years, would you consider separating for awhile? 40 more years could pass in the blink of an eye and one day you could wake up miserable. I guess you could start planning what kind of Corvette or Harley you're going to buy though. That would probably help the time pass a bit better. :-)
    Last edited by g6s; 25-Jun-2011 at 19:56. Reason: spelling

  8. #8

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    My wife found out about my love for diapers one night when I asked her if I could put her in a diaper. She said yes, and since then although she does not wear diapers much, I have free will to wear a diaper whenever I want, which fortunately is mostly at night. My favorite time is when she nurses me, and I am wearing a nice thick Abena. It really boils down to this...either she accepts your love for diapers or she does not. If my wife did not accept it, then it would be done, and I'd still be a closet DL and only wear diaper when I could do so without causing a problem You have to evaluate your relationship and decide what is more important...your desire for diapers or your relationship. The AB/DL lifestyle is not something to take lightly and if your SO doesn't accept it, then it will kill your relationship. I was a long time DL long before my wife knew, and it caused no problems because I can control my DL tendencies. If you cannot then you need to evaluate your relationship. If your love for diapers is stronger than your relationship then you need to take a good long look at what is important. I love wearing and using diapers, but it would never get in the way of my marriage. I love my wife, and she accepts me for who I am and what I like. If she didn't accept my love of diapers I'd change me...my relationship with her not not worth a wet nappy or two.

    Hugs...rowlf

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by handfulofoats View Post
    Well, it's supposed to be give and take in a relationship so no matter what you pick, this is a good idea. You're never going to quit. It's like asking someone to stop eating. You could survive, I suppose, on minimal food, but to be yourself you need a healthy diet. Stop pretending that quitting for her sake is an option. It's not!
    This is what I can't seem to communicate to her, I think she has this idea that it's some simple thing to break like biting my nails or something.



    Quote Originally Posted by DaveTDL View Post
    I was a long time DL long before my wife knew, and it caused no problems because I can control my DL tendencies. If you cannot then you need to evaluate your relationship. If your love for diapers is stronger than your relationship then you need to take a good long look at what is important. I love wearing and using diapers, but it would never get in the way of my marriage. I love my wife, and she accepts me for who I am and what I like. If she didn't accept my love of diapers I'd change me...my relationship with her not not worth a wet nappy or two.
    This speaks volumes to me. I would like to think that I have great control over it as well, but when the urges get so strong that I'll do anything to make time to do it, that's what worries me. I definitely agree that my relationship with her is more important, and I have affirmed this to her. But every time she realizes that I'm still using diapers, from her perspective it's like all I've done is lied to her. So in that way, it's like she wants all or nothing- hence wishing I could quit diapers for good.

  10. #10

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    If you can show her that you will, and would do anything for her it will be returned to you big time! Show her that she is more important than anything, and the relationship will improve. I try to think of ways to make my wife the happiest girl in the world, and thats mainly putting her first. She just gets better and better cause things are workin out so well, and she happy! It makes and takes the whole relationship to another level. She will want to make you as happy as you make her, and in my case has worked out great. She just thinks of my happyness! IE: Playin in the bedroom , we men are pretty simple like that!

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