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Thread: And some more downer news in my life...

  1. #1

    Unhappy And some more downer news in my life...

    Just came home from the hospital and my grandpa didn't make it. It's so weird because I just felt so numb the whole time... An hour later, here I am feeling the full effects of tonight after writing the first sentence of this thread. It just all feels so surreal. I mean here was this tough, tenacious old war vet who had combatted pneumonia, cataracts, four types of cancer and a world war (Hell, he even broke his hip and walked on it for 2 weeks before he saw the doctor!) just so peaceful and cold to the touch. We'd heard about him going to the doctor's all the time and he always came out on top. Then, this one time, this one fateful time, it happened. And we saw him there with wires and tubes abound. Then everything goes blank. The rest of the night, according to my memory, proceeds in a giant chaotic blur. None of it matters. The entire night, the end of a human being's existence, all summed up in two pictures: Him being strapped up and pumped by machines, and us leaving a peaceful old man alone in a dimly lit room to sleep and never wake again.

    But he was the type of guy who wouldn't want me to mope around. He was always workin', always moving forward. I've been trying to stay positive and I'm figuring I'd honor his memory best by simply progressing. Just needed to clear my head a bit. Thanks in advance for reading this and sending your condolences. You guys here at the ADISC community have always been a huge help and support through most of my recent problems. Just wanted to let you all know it's much appreciated.

  2. #2

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    Sorry for your loss. My condolences. Sounds like you had a great grandpa.

  3. #3

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    My sympathies to you and your family. Your grandfather sounds a fair amount like my dad, who was just young enough to miss WWII but still carries a lot of that generational mindset. While I expect you're right that he wouldn't want you to mope, I think it is important to give appropriate time to grieve and put this in perspective. We're lucky to have the opportunity to know such people and I hope you'll be able to find some way that's suitable for you to honor his memory.

  4. #4

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like quite the man, and you were lucky to have known him. Try to remember the good times that you had, and take some time in your grief to celebrate his life. Looking back on the positive things in your relationship can sometime aid in times of grief.

  5. #5

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    I appreciate all of your guys' condolences and support. But I've spent most of the night and morning reflecting on the few memories I do have of him (one of my biggest regrets was not knowing him very well) and feel that since I'll have the funeral to go to, That will suffice for the necessary distractions from life. Gotta keep on livin'.

  6. #6

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    Hi BigKid,

    Let me tell you something about grieving.

    At the moment all you have is that one image going through your mind of your grandpa's last few hours here. You could find that persists for a while, or for very little time: you could find that you get angry about it, or resigned to it. No-one can predict how it will go: it is different for absolutely everyone, and even you will find that occasionally things happen that you never anticipated. But the day that you can calmly remember all the other images of your grandpa that you want to remember - your grief will have come to an end.

    There is a lot you can do to help yourself, though. The first thing is his funeral. Please remember one important thing: funerals are not for the dead, but for the living. They are a chance to start the memory process, to acknowledge the loss of not having him there any more. You say you didn't know him well: well, talk to those who did at the wake afterwards. I lost an elderly uncle about 5 years ago, and some of what came out about him then and after the funeral was amazing: I hadn't been conscious of his war record (he was a Marine in the Battle of the Bulge in 1944), or of his very quiet but very real faith and care for people, in spite of coming from a broken home. If you want to keep on livin', that sort of story is really going to help you.

    Keep in touch. People here do care about each other.

    Big hugs

    Artie

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyArtie View Post
    At the moment all you have is that one image going through your mind of your grandpa's last few hours here. You could find that persists for a while, or for very little time: you could find that you get angry about it, or resigned to it. No-one can predict how it will go: it is different for absolutely everyone, and even you will find that occasionally things happen that you never anticipated. But the day that you can calmly remember all the other images of your grandpa that you want to remember - your grief will have come to an end.

    There is a lot you can do to help yourself, though. The first thing is his funeral. Please remember one important thing: funerals are not for the dead, but for the living. They are a chance to start the memory process, to acknowledge the loss of not having him there any more. You say you didn't know him well: well, talk to those who did at the wake afterwards. I lost an elderly uncle about 5 years ago, and some of what came out about him then and after the funeral was amazing: I hadn't been conscious of his war record (he was a Marine in the Battle of the Bulge in 1944), or of his very quiet but very real faith and care for people, in spite of coming from a broken home. If you want to keep on livin', that sort of story is really going to help you.
    Thank you for your kind words, they ring quite truthfully. Luckily, I've been following your advice before I read your post lol. I've been talking to my family members (my family has become really close since my grandfather's death) and now I'll be speaking at the funeral, which I feel is a great honor. My grandpa will be given full military honors and I believe/hope that it will be a pleasant funeral despite it's emotionally depressing undertones.

    And that's awesome about your uncle! My grandpa was a paratrooper plane pilot (try to say that 3 times fast lol) so after discovering his discharge papers, we found out he was involved in pretty much every campaign (or at least the major ones) of WWII. I was pretty excited to find that out =).

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