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Thread: Friends in trouble, need some suggestions

  1. #1

    Default Friends in trouble, need some suggestions

    One of my friends is going through kind of a tough time with his family, and long story short, they've decided to make him move out in the next coming days/weeks (I don't know the whole story so I couldn't really say the long version). He texted me asking for a place to stay during the summer, probably not the whole time, but he might be house-hopping for a while and he wanted to ask me. I just briefly brought up the situation to my mom and when we know more details, we'll let my dad know.

    In the meantime, I was wondering what I could say to my parents to convince them to let him stay at our house for a while (once again undetermined). We have the means to, but he has neither a job nor a car and doesn't have the means to get a car. He's a good friend though who's been going through a lot with his family lately, and I still would like to help him out.

    On the other end of the deal is my actual friend. As previously mentioned, he doesn't have a job and he doesn't really have money to pay rent. What kind of rules should we set up for him to live with us and how might he be able to pay us back in some way (either helping out around the house, or monetarily, or something else).

    Has anyone else done this before? Any suggestions are appreciated!

  2. #2


    he doesn't have a job and he doesn't really have money to pay rent
    Is he trying to get one? A student? I've never been in this situation, but that would be a big part in whether I let someone live at my place (I know you are trying to convince parents, just playing devils advocate for said parents).

    As for helping out.. that would be my guess as the best way to sell it. Better still would be a list of specific things rather than a vague "he can help out around the house". If you have some large project or a few large projects this might be a good approach, and could be used to limit the term of stay.

  3. #3


    Your parents might be more accepting if his stay has an end date, and some goals for him to achieve independence. Your parents could actually be a good mentor for him, and help him set some goals. I would suggest these things.

  4. #4


    A friend always has a place to sleep on my couch (don't have spare bed) but he/she can't just hang around my house all day and should be prepared do their part in keeping it clean and the fridge stacked. If it's a crisis situation and they're really down on their luck, it would change it a little, but the message would eventually be the same. I mean, I'm there to help, but it's best to help yourself. And it's real easy to create a moocher like that. It's not even about the money, but it ruins the friendship. So yeah, if your friend can't pay rent for now, you can find some other way for him to contribute, but contribute he should. And he should be working hard on getting a job, his own place and all of that. Living like that for a while puts a real strain on a friendship, so beware.

    And the above goes for real friends, people that would return the favor. Vague acqaintances need not apply.

  5. #5


    I think your parents would be a lot more understanding and willing to let him stay if he had plans to get a job. Not necessarily to pay you, but just so he's doing something productive with his time.

    My cousin (not that a cousin is the same thing as a friend) stayed at our house for a few months, and we couldn't say no because his parents had split and just moved out of town. He lazed around all the time and wasted his time. He was job hopping, and he never did chores or anything to help us out. So, needless to say, my parents were really glad when he moved out.

    I think that maybe if you talked to your friend about what would be expected of him (i.e. chores or something) it might be easier because this friend would know that he's not just going to get a free ride.

    At least, that's what I think.

  6. #6


    As a parent, I would want to know a lot more about the situation before I even considered taking in one of my kid's friends. Things have to be pretty bad for his parents to be giving him the boot. While its possible his parents bear the entire blame for the situation, I would bet against it. There a lot of legal and financial issues your parents would need to consider beyond just making space for another body and providing food for another mouth.

    Is he currently or potentially violent? Its not conducive to restful sleep if you're wondering whether you'll wake up with a knife in your back.

    Is he currently, or potentially, a theif? What about his other friends? Giving a key to someone you hardly know and having them wander in and out at all hours doesn't make a lot of sense.

    Does he do drugs? I'm sure your parents wouldn't care to wake up in the middle of the night to a police raid, not to mention that their home and property could be siezed if drugs were found. Matters not whether they 'owned' the drugs. They have to go to court to get the property back and lawyers aren't free.....

    Is he careless with cigarettes? This should be obvious...

    Are there other children in the household he could adversely affect?

    Look at it from a parent's point of view. There's a lot of risk to this and not a lot of potential reward. There's a darling couple who used to live a couple houses down who are now broke and essentially homeless. They lost everything because of the criminal behavior of a foster child they took in and adopted.

    I'd be less worried about "lazy" than I would be about possible harm to me, my family, my house, my longterm financial situation. Lazy can often be fixed.

  7. #7


    Another thing your parents may consider is the fact that they may be creating bad vibes between themselves and his parents by giving a helping hand.
    (your parents helping insinuates that they felt his parents did the wrong thing by kicking him out) This may or may not matter if you and your mates parents dont know each other.
    If i was in the same situation and let my friend stay, I would trust most of my friends with staying at mine. however it might be harder to see my parents leave the house in their hands.

  8. #8


    Tell them the truth , tell you parent his your friend , and you want to help your friend. What do they have to lose anyway, tell them that you would like them to trust you. in the mean time make sure your friend take ownership his life and his trouble and make sure he does become dependent on you.

    Good luck

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