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Thread: Coming out!

  1. #1

    Exclamation Coming out!

    I just wanted to tell everyone that yesterday i told my girlfriend about my fetish and answered every question she had about AB/DLism, and it actually went really well. Besides the fact that I am so glad I need to share this, I just wanted to tell all of you that if I, a 17 year old in a relationship for six months could tell my girlfriend then you can tell people too! not to rub it in people's face, but if it remains secret it can never be accepted. Although some people will be greeted with less positive responses from the people they tell, if a lot of our community came out, enough for us to get on the map more then the occasional TV special, then it would make way for acceptance. One of the main reasons we aren't accepted so much is because people don't know who we are. so when one pops up, people look at them strange, much like LGBT was a while ago. Like LGBT, if many of us come out, then we will become well known for people to at least start thinking about it. Such a liberal and accepting new generation is rising, and with so many new types of people coming to the forefront, we should become one of them!
    So I urge you to try to tell someone, maybe only a significant other, maybe a best friend, maybe even a parent. When people know who we are, secrets won't have to be held, but some generation has to break the ice, and the time is now. <3

  2. #2

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    Congrats on the accepting girlfriend!

    I really do see where you're going with this whole thing, but I know that I for one have always been all for keeping this stuff to yourself. Not all the time fore sure, but a case like yours is one that I would have advised not to tell. Clearly it worked out for you, but I'm sure you can agree that not every six month long, teenage relationship will have that outcome. What would your post say if she had laughed in your face, broke up with you, and told everyone in your school? Or even if she was just really freaked out and un-nearved, and then things were never the same?

    I think telling loved ones is a good idea in some cases, but to me those cases are usually longer relationships, and preferably adult relationships. Of course not everyone is the same, but you seem to be giving sweeping advise to everyone to tell, and that can be risky. Alot of us want to tell. They see all the good stories on here of acceptance and think that that is how everyone will react, but that's not the case. I would rather see ten AB/TBs keep this hidden for no reason, then one fifteen year old have his TBness spread around his school against his wishes.

    As for the comparison to LGBT, I'm not sure it's that simple. There are vastly more LGBT people out there then there are *B/DL people. This will always be a fringe thing as far as I can see. One day it may be something that we can all be open about with no one batting an eye, but that will be because fetishs and the like are accepted as a whole.

  3. #3

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    Congrats on telling her!

    I told my girlfriend a while ago and although she doesn't like it at all she has even let me diaper her and she wet a few times

  4. #4

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    While I believe it is a nice thing to tell a significant other about something that is such a big part of you, there can be backlashes. I've never experienced one myself ( I've only ever told two people). One thing I tend to like about our current situation (AB/DLism with regards to how the world views us) is the fact that we are flying under the radar for the most part.

    I don't think that widespread "coming out" would really benefit the community, that's just my opinion. But I am a pretty pessimistic person. I know that in theory it sounds like a sure fire thing, but look at how many people have had horror stories in the past. In my mind I can see it going one way : Some people will end up happy as can be, others will have ruined everything they ever had.

    -Ron

  5. #5
    ravin18

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    yes some will ruine everything i finally told my wife of one year and it didnt not go over well at all. im happy everything worked out for you though!!! if things dont work out for me i am never keeping if from anyone else i go out with and i know that i will find someone who excepts it.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyBeau View Post
    Congrats on the accepting girlfriend!

    I really do see where you're going with this whole thing, but I know that I for one have always been all for keeping this stuff to yourself. Not all the time fore sure, but a case like yours is one that I would have advised not to tell. Clearly it worked out for you, but I'm sure you can agree that not every six month long, teenage relationship will have that outcome. What would your post say if she had laughed in your face, broke up with you, and told everyone in your school? Or even if she was just really freaked out and un-nearved, and then things were never the same?

    I think telling loved ones is a good idea in some cases, but to me those cases are usually longer relationships, and preferably adult relationships. Of course not everyone is the same, but you seem to be giving sweeping advise to everyone to tell, and that can be risky. Alot of us want to tell. They see all the good stories on here of acceptance and think that that is how everyone will react, but that's not the case. I would rather see ten AB/TBs keep this hidden for no reason, then one fifteen year old have his TBness spread around his school against his wishes.

    As for the comparison to LGBT, I'm not sure it's that simple. There are vastly more LGBT people out there then there are *B/DL people. This will always be a fringe thing as far as I can see. One day it may be something that we can all be open about with no one batting an eye, but that will be because fetishs and the like are accepted as a whole.
    I 100% agree with everything you just said. I think my post was a bit over-inspirational lol. Not everyone should vome out. People with parents who can't even fathom a family with two different races or a gay couple should not be told ever lol. Bottom line. I would never tell my parents ever. I advocate people to tell who have a legitamete oprotunity, a parent whose very liberal, or a girlfriend who really wants to know and you can friend trust. Steps have been made. The fact that this website exists is a testament to progress. We are all coming out here on this site, to strangers, people who can't judge. People similar so they won't judge. It's truly beautiful really, but the next step is for those of us who can tell, to tell. If it would probably not work out, then don't! But to the few who it would, I say it's worth a shot for you and for all of us.

    ---------- Post added at 16:29 ---------- Previous post was at 16:25 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    While I believe it is a nice thing to tell a significant other about something that is such a big part of you, there can be backlashes. I've never experienced one myself ( I've only ever told two people). One thing I tend to like about our current situation (AB/DLism with regards to how the world views us) is the fact that we are flying under the radar for the most part.

    I don't think that widespread "coming out" would really benefit the community, that's just my opinion. But I am a pretty pessimistic person. I know that in theory it sounds like a sure fire thing, but look at how many people have had horror stories in the past. In my mind I can see it going one way : Some people will end up happy as can be, others will have ruined everything they ever had.

    -Ron
    True. Very true. First women. Then blacks. We're working on gays now right? I think it's inevitable that we as a society become more progressive.perhaps a day will come when EVERYONE is accepted and we don't have to go group by group to help them. But until then, it's a step. I'm sure there was a time when gays believed they were the only ones, that they were off the radar, that nobody would accept the few. Look at them now =] I'm just saying we shouldn't be scared to come out. No pressure to do so, but within reason, don't be afraid <3

    ---------- Post added at 16:31 ---------- Previous post was at 16:29 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by ravin18 View Post
    yes some will ruine everything i finally told my wife of one year and it didnt not go over well at all. im happy everything worked out for you though!!! if things dont work out for me i am never keeping if from anyone else i go out with and i know that i will find someone who excepts it.
    I know this might be a bit personal and you don't have to answer, but it goes well showing the other side of the story... may I ask if she's more upset about the ABism, or the fact that you held it back for so long?

  7. #7

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    I can't stand it when people compare being a *B/DL to being LGBT. It honestly is one of those things that, flat out, pisses me off.

    Regardless... why does everyone not get this yet? WE DON'T NEED TO ALL COME OUT AND BE NOTICED! There are no laws stopping AB/DLs from getting married. There aren't any issues with AB/DLs getting something that a normal person can get. There's no point. If, in time, there're laws AGAINST *B/DLs, which will probably NEVER happen then it /might/ be an okay idea. But, otherwise, stick to the shadows and act as a ninja. (Not like a Naruto ninja, but a real ninja. Ya know, in the shadows and all that!)

  8. #8

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    Telling your SO, deep into the relationship, maybe about the time you're starting to consider co-habitation, is a positive thing for you and your SO, even if it doesn't go well.

    Telling someone just to "come out", no matter WHO it is, is not a positive thing for anyone. At best, it's a neutral thing (someone who is indifferent/accepting of fetishes and/or alt. lifestyles is okay with it) and at worst, it destroys a relationship that didn't need to be destroyed (your best friend is freaked completely out and never speaks to you again)

    ---------- Post added at 00:40 ---------- Previous post was at 00:35 ----------

    I can't emphasize this enough, seriously. Even if you are 100% AB (no sexual component at all), this is not a "lifestyle" for you, it's a hobby. If you really believe that your AB is so all-consuming that you cannot function in your daily life without incorporating it into everything you do, well, you probably do need professional help, not because you're an AB, but because you're OCD...

    For the rest of us, where there is a sexual component, there's no real reason to talk to anyone other than your SO about what is essentially a kink. If I were into podophilia, (not pedo, please read more carefully) I wouldn't be motivated to share it with everyone I knew, just whoever was my sexual partner. So why would I do so with my DL kink? It's not a lifestyle, it's a kink, and no one but me and whoever I am having sex with need know about it.

  9. #9
    ravin18

    Default

    She was a little upset that I didn't tell her before we got married for if I had we would have had to part ways but I do believe that she was most upset of the tgouggt of me wearing diapers she doesn't even know I wet them so ill keep that to myself lol she said that made her feel sick knowing I wear them and she didn't think she could look at me the same if I continue to do it

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by ravin18 View Post
    She was a little upset that I didn't tell her before we got married for if I had we would have had to part ways but I do believe that she was most upset of the tgouggt of me wearing diapers she doesn't even know I wet them so ill keep that to myself lol she said that made her feel sick knowing I wear them and she didn't think she could look at me the same if I continue to do it
    I'm sorry... That's rough man. Try to reason with her. Tell her it isn't that big a deal and she will never have to participate?

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