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Thread: My issue

  1. #1

    Default My issue

    Ok. Here is my story. I started dating my fiance my sophomore year of high school. Shortly after we started telling me that he liked wearing diapers. I was freaked out at first and still am a little weirded out. I have never broke up with him for it so obviously I am not letting this come between us. Lately he has been in the mood lately. Now most of you will probably not like this but when I first found out I made him promise me that he wouldn't wear them anymore. He has held up to his word but it is getting harder for him. I am reluctant because I am scared. He has been in the mood for me to baby him. I don't want to be a motherly figure I want to be a lover figure if that makes any sense. If I wasn't thinking about changing my mind I obviously wouldn't be here. I just want to learn more about it so that maybe it won't be so bad to me. I really am trying. It's just hard.

  2. #2
    Harumaru

    Default

    I'd say that you should let him wear diapers at least every now and then (it's just thick underwear when you stop and think about it), but yeah, he shouldn't push his luck by asking you to baby him or anything like that. Also, would you consider yourself to be a kinky person in general? If you're ok with things like BDSM, I have a few suggestions for how you could integrate it into your sexual life, but if you're completely vanilla, he's going to have to keep his fetish to himself.

  3. #3

    Default

    The fact that you are here and seeking information is really great of you and a sign that you really care about him. I'll tell you right now that your reaction to the situation is way better than the reaction that some people have received. May I ask you what bothers you the most about it? Is it that it seems so far outside social norms or does the diaper aspect just seem gross? Both of those are normal reactions to being told about it.

    I would recommend that you spend some quality time lurking around this site for a while so that you can get a feel for the community and what different types of things people like. However, the only way you will really understand what he wants is to have a sit down conversation with him and ask him point-blank to describe his desires. I can't stress enough how much open communication will help with this. Every single person here has a different set of desires from the next and even in a niche community like this it would be difficult to pin down a "standard" set of practices that people enjoy.

    If you really don't feel comfortable with it and it makes you feel bad then I suggest you tell him this. I would caution you against trying to completely prohibit the activity because it won't go away. Asking someone to stop doing these types of activities is like asking someone to stop being gay. If you prohibit it then in all likelihood he will do it behind your back and that will create the kind of deception and fear of being caught that can really damage a relationship.

    If you do decide to participate, you should set some ground rules so that you can be certain it doesn't dominate the relationship. Clearly define what is baby time and what is lover time. If you don't do this then you can't be certain that your needs will be met as well.

    By the way, welcome to the site and I sincerely hope that we can help you find what you are looking for.

  4. #4

    Default

    First of all I want to thank you guys for being so understanding. You seem to be better than the people that have been replying on my fiances post. Most of them have been telling him to leave me if I can't accept it. @happydl maybe I am grossed out a little. I don't really know why I have harsh feelings against it. I just do. But thank you for the advice. Maybe I'll give it a try

  5. #5

    Default

    you are likely grossed out because society teaches that diapers are just for babies and so you associate the fact he likes to wear as some sort of arrested development issue....or a perversion of some sorts....first thing that comes to mind for most people when they think "diapers" is "baby" and you likely have a hard time looking at your boyfriend and picturing an adult when he wears "

    truth is for most of us whether we are dl ab or both the time we spend is moderated based off our other needs and wants as well as the people around us.

    honestly societies impression of diapers is one of the reasons and incontinent person like me has such a hard time trying to accept that they have i have to wear diapers..before i even began to like them. it really made my child hood in foster care harder for me....

    i cant tell you what to think. you have to decide what you are okay with but i can tell you, that you can learn to accept this part of him and maybe actually enjoy it if you continue like you are doing and learn about the life style.

    diapers do not have to be taboo and they dont have to be a sexual thing....

    i wish you and him the best of luck!

  6. #6

    Default

    A bit of open-mindedness can go a long way I told both my ex and my current girlfriends. Both were/are serious relationships. Both were fairly apprehensive at first. Both came to terms with it to a certain degree. My ex was fine with it and my current occaisionally takes part in it.

    My point is even though it rubs you the wrong way now and you want him to stop now,down the road you may (its no guarantee) come to accept it and maybe even look at it as a cute quirk. I would suggest you give it more time to think about this deeply, lurk around this site as previously mentioned, and toy with the idea a little. You will realize how happy it makes him to indulge once in a while and from my experience his happiness will rub off on you

    Also, you might like to direct your hubby to this site. We're hands down the best english support site!

    I hope my advice helps a little!
    Last edited by kronikmod; 18-May-2011 at 01:06.

  7. #7

    Default

    I want to say thanks to everyone. You have given great advice. I really appreciate the fact that you aren't bringing me down with words like "If you can't accept it then this isn't the relationship for you". You don't know how much that means to me. I will continue to look on this website and see what it's all about. I just want him to be happy and I feel like I'm not doing that for him :'( He says that he's happy with me but I feel like a total jerk. I feel like I'm taking advantage of the fact that he says he would do anything for me. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm bringing drama to this but that is how I really feel. Again thank you so much for being so supportive.

  8. #8
    BabyJayk

    Default

    Personally I don't really see why you can't be a lover that takes care of him as well. Allow me to elaborate.

    Be advised that I am not thinking of the term "lover" in a strictly sexual context.

    What is so wrong with holding him once in a while? Or telling him he looks cute? Or playing around with some plushies just kicking back? You don't have to make it weird. I mean these things occur naturally in strictly vanilla couples all the time. And so what if he wears a diaper in front of you? Look at it this way. He is trusting you with one of his deepest secrets and he feels comfortable enough around you to actually wear them in front of you. It doesn't have to be sexual.

    You don't have to be his "Mommy" to love the little side of him just as much as you love the rest of him. Remember even in a diaper, or regressed he is still your fiance. He didn't make change into a big green monster he is just letting his inner child, his most vulnerable part, show.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabyJayk View Post
    Personally I don't really see why you can't be a lover that takes care of him as well. Allow me to elaborate.

    Be advised that I am not thinking of the term "lover" in a strictly sexual context.

    What is so wrong with holding him once in a while? Or telling him he looks cute? Or playing around with some plushies just kicking back? You don't have to make it weird. I mean these things occur naturally in strictly vanilla couples all the time. And so what if he wears a diaper in front of you? Look at it this way. He is trusting you with one of his deepest secrets and he feels comfortable enough around you to actually wear them in front of you. It doesn't have to be sexual.

    You don't have to be his "Mommy" to love the little side of him just as much as you love the rest of him. Remember even in a diaper, or regressed he is still your fiance. He didn't make change into a big green monster he is just letting his inner child, his most vulnerable part, show.
    I'm glad that you said that it's not in a sexual way. I want to make this clear. This post has never been a sexual thing. When I said lover I never meant sexual. I have taken what you said to heart. I do hold him and tell him he's cute but I never thought of it as his inner child side. Thanks for the input.

  10. #10

    Default

    You did indeed come to the right place, where we respect your outlook and his and understand where each of you is coming from.

    You seem to be better than the people that have been replying on my fiances post. Most of them have been telling him to leave me if I can't accept it.
    I believe there's a lot you guys can try before resorting to anything with that kind of finality. More details will be helpful to help us come up with suggestions tailored to you two and your unique situation.

    For what it's worth, I shared my "secret" with two ex's, who tried joining in and didn't care for it. So I kept it out of our fun and games, but to this day it is a big part of my solo fun Right there, is just one possible way out for you: let him indulge with your knowledge and permission just not with you around. He may do so already; or not. I don't know exactly how you guys interpret promises or exactly how you word them; but letting him indulge while you are not around, as long as he is keeping whatever manner of promises you share, might be a convenient solution.

    There are other ideas to explore of course; we've only just begun. I have kept things out of relationships that weren't to the taste of my other, and happily had other things to fill the vacuum. Whether that'll work with you guys remains to be seen. In the meantime, you admit you could know more about ab/dl; perhaps with greater knowledge of it you might discover there are ways for you to be involved that you are as yet unaware of, and that will lie within your comfort zone.

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