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Thread: Tolerance

  1. #1
    Elias

    Exclamation Tolerance

    Quite recently, a good friend of mine revealed to me his fetish, his "deepest of all secrets". He was edgy, and unusually poorly spoken when he was telling me...similar to how I always imagined I would act when coming out to somebody my fetish. He has a foot fetish.

    He clearly expected negativism. He expected me to be saying "Wow, what's wrong with you?" and "That's ....weird." Frankly, I wasn't at all phased by what he told me. Mentally comparing his fetish to my own, my thoughts were truly "That's it?" He was pleased - and needless to say surprised - by my positive reaction.

    WHICH GOT ME THINKING!

    Do you suppose that by learning to cope with an "odd" fetish, we are automatically more tolerant to the fetishes of others? If this is the case, could other fetish communities feel this way about us? Tolerant?

    Perhaps I'm being my over-speculative self, but I feel as though perhaps we aren't viewed in a ignorant/negative light by EVERYBODY else like I have been thinking. Please share your opinions!

  2. #2

    Default

    God yes! One of the only things that has ever come from being a *B/DL is I am so open my brain may fall out. A foot fetish is extremely laughable. Hell, there isn't anything that will really phase me. That shock site with the horse (you know which one I'm talking about) was like "Eh. The one with the cups at least had a story!". Now what you have to do is jab him with your foot sometimes to keep up appearances. Kinda like how I'd jab a diaper fetishist with a diaper because it would be extremely funny.

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default

    Indeed, I don't think the perception is that negative. Lots of people have fetishes and I think a lot of the negative reaction is because of that. It maybe reminds them of a side of themselves they'd rather forget, or keep secret. So denouncing it publicly as weird and disgusting in the loudest of terms is the best way to hide that, and feel normal. But for all we know, maybe they actually like it, or could see why we would like it.

    I told my mom once, and she thought it was strange, but she could understand why I'd get a sense comfort out of it. When I had an episode of bedwetting a friend was trying to convince me that wearin a diaper to bed wouldn't be so bad, and that maybe I should try it. I think if you're honest about it when it comes up, with the right people, you'll get a 'that's all?' reaction most of the time. I imagine it would be different someone walked in on you in the middle of your activities, then it would be shocking.

  5. #5

    Default

    Mainstream media will always be looking for a shock reaction - so that's the angle the majority take when reporting this to the public. Of course, it doesn't help that there are some very sick people out their tainting our reputation! I think there are some very closed minded people (especially on non-"specific" forums), who will flame as loud as possible - I like to believe they have a secret of their own though... compensating etc.

    If there was a way to get rid of the nasty connotations with diaper wearing and young children, most people would have a lot easier time understanding it - at the end of the day, it's just comfort or another way of sexual stimulation - no different to any other fetish. It's certainly the shock factor that causes the most issues with it.

    To answer the OP - I think having to struggle with any fetish or "difference from the norm"; dealing with the initial shame process; makes you more sympathetic with others with a different secret. I'll be honest, there are some fetishes that creep me out - but if someone confided in me that they had it, I would happily accept it. I think to some extent, being an ABDL adds a level of tolerance as we have a more "out there" fetish - but ultimately it's the shared struggle that would enable tolerance.

  6. #6

    Default

    Most definitely. I am very open and would be the last to judge someone for their fetish. It's one of those things that comes with the baggage we all carry.

  7. #7

    Default

    I am more open but still find some really weird for example necrophilia and bestiality. Other than that nothing particularly phases me or disturbs me, I mean people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones after all.

  8. #8

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    I think it would help if people had moments like this, especially since I think the more you learn about each other, the more it helps your friendship and the more calm each of you get about things like this. I think too that will have a better overall effect as each person will become more confortable with their fetish and themselves instead of thinking things like "I'm a freak" for having that said fetish. If this happened more often in our society, I have a big feeling most people would become more tolerant to fetishes in general.

    I am surprised he was so worried over his foot fetish, especially considering foot fetishes are actually one of the most common out there. I am also surprised he didn't ask a similar question to do if you had any fetishes yourself, so you could explain AB/DL to him ^^;.

  9. #9
    Elias

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by DA360 View Post
    I am also surprised he didn't ask a similar question to do if you had any fetishes yourself, so you could explain AB/DL to him
    Well, he did. Which is part of the reason I asked the question in the first place. I really considered telling him, but I just wanted a nod of mental support from here first, which I received. I think I'll tell him. I think in a way he deserves to know, and I'm now very confident that he won't flip.

    This is so interesting! You guys have no idea how intrigued I am by the situation and your responses to it! It's been such an eye-opener!

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Elias View Post
    Do you suppose that by learning to cope with an "odd" fetish, we are automatically more tolerant to the fetishes of others? If this is the case, could other fetish communities feel this way about us? Tolerant?
    I hope so - I want to believe it and I certainly believe its true for me. However, I certainly have seen some harsh judgment (even brutal) on this adisc forum against people who are different than us so it isn't obviously an airtight equation. In general I'd agree with your thought and am grateful for that dynamic in my life.

    Kudos to you in the way you showed acceptance and kindness to a friend who was in a VERY vulnerable position sharing his dark secrets for maybe the first time.

    ---------- Post added at 14:28 ---------- Previous post was at 14:26 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by Elias View Post
    Well, he did. Which is part of the reason I asked the question in the first place. I really considered telling him, but I just wanted a nod of mental support from here first, which I received. I think I'll tell him. I think in a way he deserves to know, and I'm now very confident that he won't flip.

    This is so interesting! You guys have no idea how intrigued I am by the situation and your responses to it! It's been such an eye-opener!
    By sharing your truth with him, you might give him the opportunity to give the gift you gave to him. This might be the time for you.

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