Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Hate asking for help

  1. #1

    Default Hate asking for help

    I don't know where else to turn. I'm lost, confused and scared, just not sure of anything anymore. I want to run away from it all, but have nowhere to go.

    Today I just found out that my Dad is engaged to a woman he has known since November. Normally this would not bother me, except that for the past 8+ years of my life he has been leading me on saying that "we" would be a family again. He told me he had no plans on re-marrying after the divorce with my Mom, which I guess I was stupid enough to think there was hope things would be okay.

    I am supposed to meet with him tomorrow and discuss what has been going on. I don't know what I am supposed to say to him. I have already tried to tell him what he is doing is driving me away, but he continues to do it.

    I have told him that the way it looks too me is that he is trying to get a clean start with a new family because I didn't turn out how he wanted.

    I have told him because of all the fighting, it is making me depressed to the point where I have ZERO motivation to do anything. I am stuck in a rut and don't give a shit.

    Nothing gets through to him and I can't talk to my Mom about anything, because then she thinks I am mad at her and makes me feel worse than if I had not said anything.

    To top it all off, my Dad has threatened to short sell our house and boot me and my Mom to the street. We found out he cannot do that, since his name is not on the deed. But since he has refinanced the house under his name, he has to make the payments, but is now threatening to stop and let the house go into foreclosure, because he wants to start his new life with this family.

    This option would destroy his credit rating, but feel that he is very serious with his threat, If he does, we would lose all equity from the house and have nowhere to go.

    I really need help.

  2. #2

    Default

    I think we need to separate a few things here...

    you dad's an adult - I don't know how old you are.... but it's human... he's been divorced, he has started a new relationship and he wants to remarry again.
    What do you want? that he either gets back together with your mum? or that he stays single for the rest of his days? ain't gonna happen I guess.
    So in that part you basically have no say at all, sorry kiddo.
    I mean how would YOU feel if you had been with a GF/BF for as couple of years and it did not work out in the end and then someone either wants you to stay single or get back together with the person you have spilt? I think it's just life, that he wants to get into a new relationship.
    and if marriage is any important to him, he has the right to remarry.
    I mean what's the difference? (I am not into the whole marriage crap anyways).


    Why do you believe that him marrying again would drive you away?? or be a bad thing?


    The other issue is of a more serious legal nature... if he will do what he threatens I would talk with a lawyer QUICKLY - before he does what he threatens and see what the legal options are.
    But I have to ask and that is quite curious in my opinion, you say your parents are divorced - and yet they still live in the same house???
    No matter what, but I guess it's time to change that.

  3. #3
    Countdown

    Default

    Your dad is very similar to my dad. With a few of the details changed, my dad did something almost exactly the same a few years ago.

    It's selfish to expect your dad not to find a new girlfriend and get into a relationship with her. I can understand, however, how you'd be angry that he kept saying for the past eight years that you'd all be a family again someday. Maybe he truly thought that though, until he met his girlfriend. Or, alternatively, maybe he was just leading you all on for some strange reason. Either way, it's your dad's love life, not yours, and if he wants to date a new woman, he should be able to without others chastising him for it. I mean, it's his choice to do so.

    When you meet with your dad, you should talk to him about his plan to short sell your house, and about how all this conflict is serious depressing you. I don't know how much stock your dad puts into your feelings, but if he values you a lot, maybe then he'll reconsider his plan when he sees how negatively it's affecting you (and when he sees how downright wrong it is too). I think you should try to move on from the whole "we'll be a family again someday" thing. When people get divorced, they rarely get back together; most move on and find new partners and, if there aren't kids involved, live new lives. No amount of talking to your dad, I think, is going to persuade him to drop his new girlfriend and get back together with your mom.

  4. #4

    Default

    Here's the hole in the story your dad is feeding you.

    If his name isn't on the deed, then whatever "re-fi" he did has no attachment to the house, unless your mother's name is also on that note, meaning she can just take up the payments and he can go piss up a tree.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tommygun View Post
    .


    Quote Originally Posted by Cato View Post

    It's selfish to expect your dad not to find a new girlfriend and get into a relationship with her. I can understand, however, how you'd be angry that he kept saying for the past eight years that you'd all be a family again someday. Maybe he truly thought that though, until he met his girlfriend. Or, alternatively, maybe he was just leading you all on for some strange reason. Either way, it's your dad's love life, not yours, and if he wants to date a new woman, he should be able to without others chastising him for it. I mean, it's his choice to do so.


    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    Here's the hole in the story your dad is feeding you.

    If his name isn't on the deed, then whatever "re-fi" he did has no attachment to the house, unless your mother's name is also on that note, meaning she can just take up the payments and he can go piss up a tree.
    I guess that you have to understand, that my Dad had several relationships going on at the same time. He lied about those relationships to me and my Mom, while telling my Mom that he wanted to get back together with her. I'm not saying I don't want him to not remarry, But the fact that he wants me to be apart of this, when I just found out about all this yesterday (keeping in mind he had known her since November) had plenty of chances to tell me, I have never met her. I don't know what to do. I would also like to point out that he and we are Christian. The Bible does not recognize divorce, he keeps claiming that what he is doing is what God wants. I have a church behind me saying what he is doing is wrong, but the church he goes to says "Go ahead"

    The fact remains of why I am so mad is the fact he wants to let our house go into foreclosure. He does not care.

    Now my parents are divorced yes, but my Dad has a condo. We have talked to a lawyer, unfortunately there is nothing we can do except take over the house payment ourselves, which we cannot afford since my Mom makes $100 a week off unemployment and I make 8.25/h. We are barely making it by as it is.


    Look at this point I don't care about him remarrying, I just have no idea what I am supposed to tell him "Hey it's okay you lied to me for 8 years, I forgive you"
    Last edited by FauxPas; 04-May-2011 at 14:19.

  6. #6

    Default

    You don't have to forgive him. I'd tell him exactly what you're telling us, that you feel betrayed by him lying to you for 8 years and now trying to throw you and your mother out on the street.

    BTW - if you're still a minor, he's liable for child support, and Colorado is an alimony state, so he may just find himself on the hook for those house payments even if he leaves.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    You don't have to forgive him. I'd tell him exactly what you're telling us, that you feel betrayed by him lying to you for 8 years and now trying to throw you and your mother out on the street.

    BTW - if you're still a minor, he's liable for child support, and Colorado is an alimony state, so he may just find himself on the hook for those house payments even if he leaves.
    Actually no, I am no longer a minor, but I guess I will see what he has to say and go from there. I am afraid to mention that I know about the threats, because that will cause him to be more angry at my Mom. But at the same time maybe I could deter it from happening?

  8. #8

    Default

    You're not going to stop him from leaving - but you may just give him pause about the vindictive move of leaving your mother high and dry with the mortgage.

Similar Threads

  1. Why do you hate being an ab/dl or tb/dl
    By jasonkid in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 02-Jun-2010, 15:47
  2. Don't ya hate it when..
    By kiwi-molicare in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 19-Mar-2009, 00:02
  3. I hate the flu
    By Little ollie in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 27-Feb-2009, 15:25
  4. Sometimes, I really hate my job.
    By Kip in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 24-Jun-2008, 15:13

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.