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Thread: All At One...

  1. #1

    Unhappy All At One...

    So I recently told my wife of my diaper interests (married 3 years now). First I mentioned I wanted to wear a onesie, a week later a diaper and few days after that I told her I want her to change me and she could wear with me (if she feels like trying).

    We have had a few conversations over the last few days and she feels overwhelmed about the whole thing. She said that I threw a lot at her in a short amount of time and she needs time to process it. 3 nights ago I told her I will not wear to bed until she understands it and is ready.

    Last night I explained that i did not want to break my promise but, really wanted to wear. I explained that diapers and AB regression are my way of dealing with stress from work (I going a bit crazy at the moment and she knows it).

    She agreed to let me wear to bed but, she doesn't feel comfortable yet of participating in any way. I was a bit sad with the news but want to give her time to understand. I figured if I did not wear that she would forget about it and not try to understand it and work with me. I really want her involved with AB and hope we can share it together.

    I am in need of some more advice on how to make her as comfortable as possible. She is a great girl and she does take time with things to fully understand them (she informed me of this) and I have never dealt with an issue with her that required a long thought process...

    -Phil

  2. #2

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    I think you maybe asking for too much here. If you try to get her to participate, it might take you back to square one. Take things slowly. She might just decide to wear on her own, just out of curiosity.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by winnerchickendinner View Post
    I think you maybe asking for too much here. If you try to get her to participate, it might take you back to square one. Take things slowly. She might just decide to wear on her own, just out of curiosity.
    So should I continue to wear regularly? Or stop and wait?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by winnerchickendinner View Post
    I think you maybe asking for too much here. If you try to get her to participate, it might take you back to square one. Take things slowly. She might just decide to wear on her own, just out of curiosity.
    I think this is good advice. Diapers might be one thing, wearing baby clothes is another, changing wet/messy diapers is another thing, and having her participate by wearing as well is another thing still. It kind of sounds like you may have tried to dump all your fantasies upon her at once; while it may be comfortable and normal to you, for most people it is not (and obviously not so for her).

    For my wife, me wearing to bed was something that took A LOT of time to get used to and even now she is only comfortable with it if I do it with great moderation. Try to give your wife the benefit of the doubt, try to see it from her perspective and even reassure her that you aren't crazy or going to leave her or go outside your relationship to fulfill fantasies. If you demonstrate to her that you are FOR HER first, chances are she will come around to some level of acceptance of it eventually.

    It really is a matter of patience though. If you try to push it, I think you can forget her willing involvement.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by cm90210 View Post
    I think this is good advice. Diapers might be one thing, wearing baby clothes is another, changing wet/messy diapers is another thing, and having her participate by wearing as well is another thing still. It kind of sounds like you may have tried to dump all your fantasies upon her at once; while it may be comfortable and normal to you, for most people it is not (and obviously not so for her).

    For my wife, me wearing to bed was something that took A LOT of time to get used to and even now she is only comfortable with it if I do it with great moderation. Try to give your wife the benefit of the doubt, try to see it from her perspective and even reassure her that you aren't crazy or going to leave her or go outside your relationship to fulfill fantasies. If you demonstrate to her that you are FOR HER first, chances are she will come around to some level of acceptance of it eventually.

    It really is a matter of patience though. If you try to push it, I think you can forget her willing involvement.
    This, emphatically, and from experience.

    If you shove too hard, even the most willing (yet not quite understanding) mate can be spooked away.

    If she's still willing to let you wear to bed, stay at that level for a while. Let her get curious as she gets accustomed to it.

    DO NOT (!!!!!!) attempt to go any farther until SHE (!!!!!!!!) gives you a STRONG (!!!!!!!) signal that she's interested - like the baseball bat across the skull she gave you when she was "hinting" that she wanted you to propose to her.

  6. #6

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    There has already been some very good advice given here, and I have to agree. . . DO NOT TRY TO FORCE THIS ISSUE.

    I have been married for quite some time (I would give the number of years, but that would date me, but it is well over ten years) and it took a long while for my wife to accept this. There were several stages that we went through, and if you really care about your relationship, you will place that above your diaper interests.

    This does not mean you have to give up wearing, but be considerate. If she is not comfortable with it, then don't force it upon her. Over the course of many years, my wife has actually now realized some DL interests of her own, as well as an acceptance that this is a part of me that sometimes needs to be experienced. But I repeat, this has taken a long time. I have not tried to convince her or persuade her by any means.

    So, if she is showing signs of concern, you need to back off. If you absolutely have to wear, do it on your own and do not try push the issue that this is something you have to experience when you are together. I guarantee you that heartache will result otherwise.

    Even though as AB/DLs we feel and experience a real satisfaction and comfort from this experience, this is not the case for most people. Most people will associate wearing diapers as something that should have been given up after our "real" baby years. Diapering is generally viewed as a rather unpleasant chore and something to overcome as quickly as possible.

    I do believe you are on the right track by sharing this part of yourself with her, as she should be the one person in your life to confide all things with. But do not expect her to accept it right away, or feel comfortable with you doing something that likely in her mind is a long ways from what she understands as "normal". It may be a long time (if ever) that she might associate this as something to be enjoyed, rather than looked upon as a weakness or disfunction.

    My heart goes out to you and I certainly wish you the best. If she truly cares for you and you care for her, you should be able to find a way to work through this. However, my suggestion is that you are very careful to recognize and acknowledge her concerns --and reservations. I was able to share my interests with my wife before we were married, which is what I would suggest for others who might be considering this.

    Eventually it has worked out well for us. But there has been some tough roads traveled. My best advice is "Be Patient and Considerate of Her Feelings".

  7. #7

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    In my opinion she need some info about this and some time to asume. Donīt force her !!!

  8. #8

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    Although, in response to your earlier question, I would suggest that you keep wearing, and at least make sure she notices it. While the last thing you want to do is pressure her, if you stop partaking in your fetish she may think it isn't something important to you. So don't stop, let her know that this isn't something that can be ignored. Otherwise, you may be sidetracked as far as her coming to terms with you.

  9. #9

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    Every marriage is different. Just consider that you are together for life and be patient. There is a lot for you wife to process. I always remind myself that I am experiencing this through the lens of my imagination.My wife just sees her husband wearing a diaper. Those are two VERY different experiences. It will take her some time. She loves you but she needs to be comfortable with this whole new side of you. One thing that has helped us is to set up some boundaries. It has helped my wife to hear that this is only one part of me and that when I am with her as a provider and a lover, diapers never enter my mind. Be patient.

  10. #10

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    I agree with the message to not force the issue and to wait until she gives you the green light to take another step.

    However, there's the dilemma that she will only think about the next step if you tell and remind her that there is a next step to take. If you don't she will most likely keep on processing the current situation. It's hard enough for her.

    How do you guys remind her that there's a next step to think about and that you are waiting for her to send a signal - and to not come across as pushing or nagging?

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