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Thread: Anyone left their spouse?

  1. #1

    Default Anyone left their spouse?

    Ok so i am new to this and have gotten lots of advice on why he wears diapers and how I should be understanding and have a civil conversation about his diapers. But what if I can't? I am very upset and pissed off about the situation. So i am getting good advice for down the road maybe, but has anyone on here left thier spouse/ other for this?

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by chrys4215 View Post
    Ok so i am new to this and have gotten lots of advice on why he wears diapers and how I should be understanding and have a civil conversation about his diapers. But what if I can't? I am very upset and pissed off about the situation. So i am getting good advice for down the road maybe, but has anyone on here left thier spouse/ other for this?
    I'd hazard a guess that most on ADISC won't have, given we're the ones who'd be left marooned.

    Hell, I'm sure most would feel lucky to have a significant other willing to go to such lengths to try to understand his/hers husbands unusual kink.

  3. #3

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    Well, when I found out about my boyfriend liking diapers I didn't leave him.

    I doubt anyone here would be leaving their partners, since the majority of folk here enjoy wearing diapers. Although we welcome spouses, there aren't many of them. The ones that do leave, I imagine would not be on here.

    Can I just ask, what's making you so upset and pissed off?

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Talula View Post
    Well, when I found out about my boyfriend liking diapers I didn't leave him.

    I doubt anyone here would be leaving their partners, since the majority of folk here enjoy wearing diapers. Although we welcome spouses, there aren't many of them. The ones that do leave, I imagine would not be on here.

    Can I just ask, what's making you so upset and pissed off?
    http://www.adisc.org/forum/greetings...eeds-help.html <--- original thread

  5. #5

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    HE hides them and wont talk to me about it. I have another post on here you should read titled wife nedds help! It's just most of the people on here say i dont understand and need to talk to him, but i try but he wont talk about it he apoligies! I am at my witts end with him!

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by chrys4215 View Post
    HE hides them and wont talk to me about it. I have another post on here you should read titled wife nedds help! It's just most of the people on here say i dont understand and need to talk to him, but i try but he wont talk about it he apoligies! I am at my witts end with him!
    I've actually already read it, but it was a bit... patchy. I was hoping 24hours on you might have thought more and be a bit more coherant about your troubles.

    I think what's hard for him is that he can't talk to you when you're angry. Have you ever tried to have a conversation when someone's mad?



    "I'm sorry, but-"
    "I don't care if you're sorry, explain yourself!"
    "It's very hard to explain, it's very-"
    "Just get to the point!"
    You need to sit down and write down a list of questions to him. Ask him exactly what you want to know. Here are some basic questions you might want to use or ponder on:

    1. Is this sexual for you?
    1b. Can you explain how it makes you feel?
    2. Why haven't you told me about this before?
    3. Do you feel that me knowing will affect our relationship?
    4. How can we talk about this so as not to miscommunicate what we mean?
    5. Can you explain why you feel the need to use these?
    6. How long have you been interested in diapers for?
    7. Have you looked online for support? (ADISC is a good site to link him too )
    8. What would you like to come from this discussion?

    Then give him time to think about the answers. He might want to spend an hour or two, or maybe even a day or two writing down answers to these. Sometimes people communicate better in writing rather than under the pressure of a face to face discussion.

    When you're angry at him he will get flustered and be unable to answer your questions properly. You need to remember that this is likely something that he's kept secret all his life, and he will be finding it very difficult to deal with you knowing.

    I don't want you to think that you're inadequate though, since this is a word which you've used a few times. You've probably heard of people who enjoy using mild bondage like silk scarves or handcuffs. These people use this to ENHANCE their sex-life. That doesn't mean that their partner isn't enough, it's just something which adds a bit of variety and excitement every so often. Try to think of diapers along those lines, if it even is sexual.

    Seriously, just try and calm down and work out exactly what you want to know.

  7. #7

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    Nope sorry 24 hours didnt help much. This is not the first time I've found stuff before. But the other times he apoligies and said he's gonna quit, so I drop it. I just everytime I find stuff it reopens the wound. IDK how to feel and I would love to ask him questions but he doesnt answer them.

  8. #8

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    I would be upset in your situation too. It sounds like the diapers may be hard to understand, but you are mad about the deceitfulness. We can see that you are trying to understand. Can your husband? Please don't take this as an attack on you or your efforts here. You do seem to be going the extra mile here.

    Also consider that some little construct in his world has just come crashing down.
    It comes as a shock to you that he wears diapers. And, it comes to him as a shock that he was caught. His expression of some feelings he may not understand is front and center and he's being forced to face them. Again, please don't take this as an attack on how you are proceeding. I am just trying to share some things I am learning as I face my own feelings. These things may not pertain to your situation.

    ---------- Post added at 20:29 ---------- Previous post was at 20:27 ----------

    The dishonesty is a tough one. It can be hard to talk to someone about this kind of thing. Especially if he doesn't completely understand it himself. I know I still have trouble putting these feelings into words with my wife.

  9. #9

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    No thank you, you're probley right on the money. As I have said before i am a pretty open person and have tried other things he likes, but I am tyring to understand this. I think the best advice for me is to wait a few days and maybe I will calm down a little and maybe he wil talk to me

  10. #10

    Default

    Hi Chrys

    I don't know if there are going to be many people who left their spouses here on ADISC. I know you've had a lot to absorb in the last few hours about what people think about your spouse, but let's just talk about you for a bit.

    You really are being very brave in trying to learn more about this side of your spouse, especially in a difficult case like this. All this information can be overwhelming, especially if you don't have someone to talk to directly about what you are going through.

    So far you've done a great job of describing what you're dealing with and what you've done thus far. You mentioned being angry that your husband has not been honest with you and that's understandable because you can't learn more if he's throwing up roadblocks at every turn. And when he lies it undermines the trust that every relationship needs. Yet and still you care about him enough to keep asking. That shows that you really care about your relationship.

    And I promise you that no one is here to judge you or get mad at you. You're doing great, and it's okay to be upset as you try and figure things out.

    Let's forget about everyone else for a bit and think just about you and what you want. How do you feel about all of this? What would you like to happen between you and your husband? What advice would you like? (How to talk to him about it, what to say, ect)

    We're here for you.

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