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Thread: Regression Overload in my Relationship

  1. #1

    Default Regression Overload in my Relationship

    Hey everyone. I feel a little more comfortable about expressing a problem I have.. and I wanted to get some advice on how to deal with something.

    I am in a very loving relationship with a wonderful guy who loves my childish, and even babyish sides to death. I love that about him so much. The problem stems from the fact that he loves them so much actually, that he always wants me to be regressed for him. I don't feel like he appreciates my sweet, idealistic, intelligent side anymore.

    I have these issues because they are a huge deal to me, emotionally because I feel like I never got the childhood that I should have been born to. Because of this, I feel very frustrated lately because it feels like almost a chore to have regressive play, and I'm not doing it when I want to.. I've been more doing it on his schedule.

    I've tried to tell him that this is a problem, but sometimes I feel like he only likes seeing me as a baby now, and just says that I should make daddy happy and be cuddly for him. It's not that I don't want to make him happy.. it's just, this might be selfish to say, this is about me! This isn't about him! I'm feeling less and less like I actually like doing it around him anymore, because I feel so forced into it and it's more about making him happy.

    Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I just be happy I have someone who is so supportive?

  2. #2

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    Absolutely not. You are not wrong for feeling this way. Just liking your little side isn't the same as being "supportive". If this were the case, he would listen to your concerns instead of always trying to get you into a regressed state when you have plainly told him that it might not be what you want all of the time. Your request is entirely appropriate and you shouldn't feel guilty, mean, or selfish in the least.

    As you said, this is important to you emotionally. If what he wants is affecting your enjoyment, happiness, and satisfaction, you need to immediately bring this to his attention, and do so again and again until he realizes you aren't playing. He needs to see you as an adult in the relationship. He should only see you as a child when you both agree that it is time for that.

    If he always sees you as a child and treats you like one against your wishes, even when you are not in a regressed state, continuing to refuse to listen to reason, then something needs to be done and soon. That isn't healthy for you, especially considering the emotional attachment you place on your regression.

    You are an adult and your boyfriend needs to acknowledge that and respect you as such. Just because you have a little side and like to regress SOME of the time does not make you someone to be patronized, ignored, and/or trivialized ALL of the time.

    You mentioned it was a loving relationship, so you obviously care about each other. If this continues, however, this can become a real issue and seriously jeopardize that love and the relationship if your concerns are not addressed.

    Even if you think some people would give away their entire life savings to have such a relationship, if it isn't working for you and something makes you uncomfortable, then it needs to be addressed. It doesn't make you a selfish or bad person. Nor does it mean you are ungrateful for the love your boyfriend is showing your little side.

    He just needs to show your grown up side a bit of love too. Just because one is grown up, doesn't mean they don't get sad and cry if starved for attention, right?

    Chin up and don't feel bad about this. Tell him straight up that you are feeling uncomfortable about a few things, while at the same time telling him how happy you are that he loves that side of you and that you aren't upset about that. It just needs to have some boundaries is all.

    Hope things get better
    Last edited by MixyNyxi; 21-Apr-2011 at 16:07.

  3. #3
    unknown707071

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    You should tell him that you want to havea serious discussion and tell him that you are more than an AB. If he really loves you, he should adknowledge that, and if he doesn't, maybe it will take some counciling for him to realise that you are more than "his baby". Sorry if I rambled, it just makes me so mad when guys just see a woman as one thing.

  4. #4

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    I agree with what others are saying. Only liking your "baby side" is not really healthy. Most people have several aspects to themselves, and we shouldn't shoehorn others into a single facet.

    However...



    Quote Originally Posted by gigglemuffinz View Post
    It's not that I don't want to make him happy.. it's just, this might be selfish to say, this is about me! This isn't about him!
    I would avoid saying that if I were you. Fact of the matter, it's not just about you. There's the role of being cared for and there's the role of caretaker. They should be symbiotic ideally, and that just points more to the fact that there's two sides to the relationship.

    There can be aspects of a relationship where people humor each other... i.e. the only pleasure derived from the act is the pleasure it gives the other. However, there are some things where each enjoy their own role. It seems he enjoys the role of caretaker and you enjoy the role of "baby".

    While you should definitely strike a balance that makes you both happy, and it sounds he's not doing a good job at that, you should avoid making this a you thing or a him thing and encourage this being an activity you both enjoy, but that you should only partake in when you're both in the mood to enjoy it.

    Similar to anything else in a relationship e.g. sex. You're "putting out" when you're not in the mood essentially.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thank you all so much for your replies. It felt good to have people just tell me that I'm not wrong for feeling this way, because I've been just beating myself up for not appreciating having someone that understood me in that way.



    Quote Originally Posted by LunaCat View Post
    I agree with what others are saying. Only liking your "baby side" is not really healthy. Most people have several aspects to themselves, and we shouldn't shoehorn others into a single facet.

    However...



    I would avoid saying that if I were you. Fact of the matter, it's not just about you. There's the role of being cared for and there's the role of caretaker. They should be symbiotic ideally, and that just points more to the fact that there's two sides to the relationship.

    There can be aspects of a relationship where people humor each other... i.e. the only pleasure derived from the act is the pleasure it gives the other. However, there are some things where each enjoy their own role. It seems he enjoys the role of caretaker and you enjoy the role of "baby".

    While you should definitely strike a balance that makes you both happy, and it sounds he's not doing a good job at that, you should avoid making this a you thing or a him thing and encourage this being an activity you both enjoy, but that you should only partake in when you're both in the mood to enjoy it.

    Similar to anything else in a relationship e.g. sex. You're "putting out" when you're not in the mood essentially.
    Thanks especially for this, because it really did make me realize that this morning.. I was really typing this out with the wrong mindset. Every healthy relationship is about both partners, and it is about him. I just am pushing too hard, and it should be wonderful for both of us. Right now, I feel like it's only wonderful for him and it's making me sad. Because this is something that I want to enjoy too.

    You've all helped me out.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by gigglemuffinz View Post
    .Every healthy relationship is about both partners, and it is about him. I just am pushing too hard, and it should be wonderful for both of us. Right now, I feel like it's only wonderful for him and it's making me sad. Because this is something that I want to enjoy too.
    First, I want to agree with the words of advice the other have given you - you never want to lose yourself in the pursuit of making someone you love happy.

    However, trying to think what might be on his mind, I wonder if his actions are because he's trying to be supportive, but doesn't realize he's taking it too far. Speaking as someone from "the supporting team," I know that I was anxious for my boyfriend to know that I supported and respected him...but at the same time I was nervous and wary of taking it too far and annoying him. So I can't help wondering if your guy is trying to be loving and supportive without realizing that it's not an all the time thing for you.
    I definitely think you should sit down and talk with him as everyone's suggested - and be sure and let him know that you appreciate his love and support, but that he needs to understand that you're not always in your childish mindset/mood.

    I hope you get everything worked out and reach a comfortable place again! Good luck! ^_^

  7. #7

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    Take it a step further then. Have your regressed self grow up, and take him along with you. For example if he wants to keep you in diapers, start whining about wanting to be potty trained. If confronting him on an intellectual level doesn't work, hit him at the emotional level too. I became an AB around 2004, and about two years ago I found out that I had become tired of being a baby and wanted to take charge of my life. In essence, in 5-6 years, I had gone through my second childhood and felt more whole than before, and ready to live life more fully.

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