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Thread: Odd problem involving romance.

  1. #1

    Question Odd problem involving romance.

    I used to have a pretty active sex life before I had to start wearing diapers, and since then have only been with a single guy - who was into that sort of thing.

    This morning, I found myself in bed with a second guy since becoming incontinent. I knew in advance that, while he wasn't sexually into dipes, he was understanding and didn't mind sharing the bed with me.

    The problem I encountered was in the morning, being awoken by him reaching down into my dipe and trying to wank me off... Now, before dipes - I know this would have been awesome. Being woken up like that usually is. :P But for some reason, I found the whole thing to be incredibly unnerving and uncomfortable, and for the first time in such a situation, I actually wasn't sure how to react.

    I went along with it, he demanded I take off the dipe so he could do me... but the whole while I couldn't stop feeling violated. What happened, happened. But I look back on this morning and I don't know why it made me feel so ashamed and uncomfortable. I mean, sex is awesome! Why should the fact that I have to wear a diaper at night change that?!

    Yet apparently it did, and I don't understand why. I guess I just felt really vulnerable there, and I'm not use to situations of any sort being outside my control.

    I dunno... is something wrong with me, that I should suddenly be having guilt trips over this? I don't know what went wrong.

  2. #2

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    Sounds like in your mindset you regressed and the diaper was you chastity protection device. When he put his hand down there somewhere in your psyche you felt like a child being violated by a grown up because you were not in an adult frame of mind and it felt wrong in your head.

    That or it's brought up some regressed memory from your childhood maybe

  3. #3

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    I have no idea. Being woken like that isn't for the first time, he was already in bed with your blessing, and you had gone to sleep padded. He isn't the first guy you had, nor the first since being padded. Perhaps it was to do with him being dommy and diapers make you feel subby and that is what's uncomfortable? If you are used to calling the shots more?

  4. #4

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    I'm not in your head, I can't tell you why. What I will say, though, is think it through and figure out why you didn't like that, it could be important later.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scribbles View Post
    I used to have a pretty active sex life before I had to start wearing diapers, and since then have only been with a single guy - who was into that sort of thing.
    ...
    Now, before dipes - I know this would have been awesome. Being woken up like that usually is. :P
    ...
    I guess I just felt really vulnerable there, and I'm not use to situations of any sort being outside my control.
    I emphasized parts of your post to point out specific phrases you used that may end up being Freudian slips, which we can use to help figure this out. I don't know anything about you except what you posted here, so I'm going to avoid making assumptions.

    Firstly, before you became incontinent, did you ever look at diapers? If you did, were they a sexual thing or an emotional thing? How quickly did you cope with being incontinent, and did it result in a change in self-image?

    The phrase "I know this would have been" seems to indicate that you never incorporated diapers into your sex life before, and now that they are part of your life, you've begun to craft fantasies around them. You are making a judgment on how you "think" you would have felt in that situation, but now you are confused because you felt exactly the opposite way. Could it be that your sexual fantasies are incompatible with your emotional profile?

    Additionally, the next phrase "usually is" tells me you have been woken up in exactly that way before diapers.

    The phrase "pretty active" gives me the impression you were very proud of your sex life. If you never incorporated diapers into your sex life, AND you feel that diapers actively hinder your sex life, then it stands to reason that needing diapers has struck a blow to your self-esteem. You have coped with other aspects of it, but you are now grappling with a new problem.

    The problem, I think, is that you cannot make the distinction between an "incontinence undergarment" and "clothing to be removed during sex." I suspect that if you happened to be wearing boxers and you were woken up the way you were, you would be thrilled. But because you were wearing diapers, something that you associate with babies and helplessness, you could not put yourself in the horny dog mindset. You were stuck in the mindset of someone who had to be led by the hand, and more importantly, someone inexperienced in sex. And because you were in that mindset of being unconfident, inexperienced, and practically submissive, you felt that the whole situation was "outside your control."

  6. #6

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    Ooohkay... Lots of quick responses, all very helpful so far. Thank you especially for your thoughtful insights, DLGrif, and I think you've asked some questions that need addressing for clarification.

    Before I became incontinent, I had only ever looked at diapers once before as a child - and it was emotional, sort of a jealous thing that my baby sister got to wear them and I wasn't allowed to anymore. Nothing more than that. That was nearly twenty years ago. So I guess I'd say emotional, for a very brief period of time. Otherwise not at all.

    To your next question, I coped with the necessity of them. I was very reluctant however, and spent about a month wetting my sheets every night before I finally said I'd give 'em a shot. A big reason for the delay in my decision was because of how it affected my self-image. Being an incredibly extroverted, open, and confident sort of individual - this is probably the first time in my life that I've been dependent on something that is beyond my control. Not to say I'm a very controlling person, just that I prefer having a certain amount of presence in any decisions involving myself. This was something that I had very little decision in, and was initially felt very degrading.

    Since the decision was made, I cannot deny that I enjoy their comfort and am incredibly grateful for the safety they grant me. But it did force a realisation of my inability to function in what would be considered a normal fashion without assistance.

    I had never incorporated diapers into my sex life before, but I have incorporated watersports and wetting. My thought was that this would just be sort of an extension of a fettish I already have. When involving myself with others who share that fettish, the subject of diapers doesn't seem to bother me at all. However in this situation, I was involved with a person I already knew to be turned off by it. I'm wondering if his jumping into things with me simply caught me off guard? It certainly bothered me more than ever before.

    Yes, I have been woken up in this same fashion before diapers, and while I wouldn't say I'm very proud of my sex life, I can't deny that I'd been loose during times being single, as I am now. Yet, unlike past times of being single, I would have to say that diapers hinder my sex life since I'm not terribly keen on picking up a bloke at a bar, having fun, then before getting to bed having to say "Pardon me while I change into my diaper." It has made me much more self conscious of my past behaviour and has certainly limited my sex life to only those who were already either okay with diapers or were turned on by the fact that I'm a bedwetter. It at least provided them with a frame of mind beforehand that was okay with the idea.

    I think I disagree that I can't make the distinction between 'incontinence undergarment' and 'clothing to be removed during sex'. On the contrary, I make a significant distinction between the two and frankly, I would have much rather changed out of my diaper beforehand in private before returning to bed with the gent. However that did not happen, and I was just terribly embarrassed by the situation of removing a soggy diaper in front of a guy who I knew to be grossed out by it in the first place. It felt degrading.

  7. #7

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    whats going on is you arent used to being approached that way. you were hopeful and thankful he was willing to be with you but he showed it was more than that to him by trying to jack u off and be sexual about it. the first couple times for any one feels incredibly awkward and some never get past it. even though all of us dream of having some one to share this with most find once the opportunity presents it self its hard to accept so to speak. its very much a psychological dilemma. give it time and you will likely grow to accept advances like that in the future.

  8. #8

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    sounds like you didn't feel fully comfortable being in diapers around this guy. in a way, that says more about your relationship with the guy than about the diapers.

    if being in diapers makes you less inclined to get into sexual situations with people you don't feel fully comfortable around, is that really such a bad thing?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scribbles View Post
    I think I disagree that I can't make the distinction between 'incontinence undergarment' and 'clothing to be removed during sex'. On the contrary, I make a significant distinction between the two and frankly, I would have much rather changed out of my diaper beforehand in private before returning to bed with the gent. However that did not happen, and I was just terribly embarrassed by the situation of removing a soggy diaper in front of a guy who I knew to be grossed out by it in the first place. It felt degrading.
    I think you've got a pretty sane and healthy set of boundaries when it comes to your incontinence, actually. It's one thing to go along with being fetishized by someone for the sake of a quick lay, and another to face up to the fact that actually, there's something about you that you have no choice about, and which in the eyes of the mainstream norm is embarrassing/humiliating/a flaw and something you don't find sexy yourself. And it's weirdly much harder to do that when you're with someone who's understanding and nice about it, because you feel much more like a charity case than something intrinsically hot.

    Maybe next time you find someone understanding about the bedwetting, if he does the same thing you could stop him and say, "Actually I'd rather take this off before we get sexy." I don't think it's unreasonable to want to keep your self-respect.

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