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Thread: Trouble getting a GF/BF

  1. #1

    Default Trouble getting a GF/BF

    So guys, I really don't know how to say this. I'm Bisexual, but in public I'm still deep in the closet. I'm 22 and haven't had a single boyfriend or girlfriend except for those occasional crushes that never involved socializing.

    Let me start by saying I'm introverted and shy when it comes to meeting new people. I'm not very good at breaking the ice per se, but if a conversation can get started somehow, I can usually roll with it from there. However, I have lately been feeling the need for someone special in my life, I just don't know how to handle the situation. I don't know any body language at all and have a really hard time saying the right thing.

    Not to mention that I am Bi. How can I meet someone without coming completely out of the closet first? I kinda just want to peek my head out the closet and hope someone finds me and helps me out.

    Basically what I'm asking is, how can I put myself out there and let people know I'm single and looking for love without having to come to awkward and uncomfortable situations?

  2. #2

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    Might I suggest first things first. Try to socialise without any thought of 'involvement' to improve general social skills and just simply to enjoy socialising. Try joining clubs where there will be a good mix of people. What are your hobbies or interests? Good luck!

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Abdljosh View Post
    So guys, I really don't know how to say this. I'm Bisexual, but in public I'm still deep in the closet. I'm 22 and haven't had a single boyfriend or girlfriend except for those occasional crushes that never involved socializing.

    Let me start by saying I'm introverted and shy when it comes to meeting new people. I'm not very good at breaking the ice per se, but if a conversation can get started somehow, I can usually roll with it from there. However, I have lately been feeling the need for someone special in my life, I just don't know how to handle the situation. I don't know any body language at all and have a really hard time saying the right thing.

    Not to mention that I am Bi. How can I meet someone without coming completely out of the closet first? I kinda just want to peek my head out the closet and hope someone finds me and helps me out.

    Basically what I'm asking is, how can I put myself out there and let people know I'm single and looking for love without having to come to awkward and uncomfortable situations?
    So you want a mate but you don't want to be bothered with coming out first? Sorry, doesn't really work that way. If you want any chance of anything stable, you have to do the work first.

    First, people have to be aware that you even are a potential mate. Straights have it easy because most people presume everyone else is straight and there's not a lot of issue with a guy hitting on a girl or whatever, but bis and gays don't have that luxury. Your post reads like you want someone to come up to you, fall madly in love with you, and either do for you or allow you to avoid the work of coming out, and frankly, that is completely unrealistic and actually a bit selfish. Girls might approach you for a chat, but if you're not out, attracting a guy gets way way more difficult.

    Second and more importantly, stable relationships are built on communication and honestly. If you can't be honest about something as fundamental as your sexual orientation, how exactly will a relationship work out?

    Third, be yourself. Interact with people and be yourself. It's that whole honestly thing again. It's attractive. Be honest about being shy. Not everyone is an extrovert. Sustaining a conversation is more important than starting one.

    From there, it's part luck and part being in places where those with similar interests are. A gamer won't meet a mate in a club, but he might meet a mate in a gaming shop.

    Best wishes!

  4. #4

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    I was hoping on getting advice on how to hit on someone - a guy actually. I can pretty much think for myself when it comes to hitting on girls, but when it comes to guys I have to know first if the guy is gay/bi and if thats true if he is single. The least I have to worry about with a girl is if she's single.

    I don't want to come up to each guy I meet and say "hey I'm Bi, how are you?" That would be completely awkward and probably rude to someone who actually is Bi/Gay. I want to be myself as I am right now, I just don't want to have to hang a sign from my shoulders announcing my sexual orientation either.

    I guess the first thing I should ask myself is "where can I go to meet bi/gay guys". When I ask myself this the only thing that pops up in my head is a gay bar, but I don't think I'd do too well by myself at said bar.

    @xbabyx: I'm not going to profess my sexual orientation to everyone I make eye contact with, and I will tell the people that I get close to that I am Bi, I just don't want to go around with a sign over my shoulders announcing that I'm bi (in other words, I don't want to change who I am, how I dress, and how I act just to let others know I'm bi; I want to stay who I am).

    I'm having a hard enough time trying to find someone to be with thats also into diapers, I just want to know other peoples' experiences in stumbling upon their relationships when/while their were coming out of the closet.

  5. #5

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    No doubt it can be tough meeting potential mates, but the simplest advice really is the best. Don't change who you are, just take every opportunity you can find to socialize!
    You're probably like me and don't really go for clubs and crazy parties because they can turn out to be just a place to hook up for a night, which is not that appealing to me. Use the friends you have to meet new people, just keep expanding your social circle wider and wider until you find someone who wants the same thing you do. All of my bf's and I were friends before we were anything more.
    As for the ABDL side I can't say serendipity will take care of that for you, too. Maybe once you get some real relationship experience under your belt you'll have enough confidence to try using the internet to find mates?
    Hope it helped, best of luck!

  6. #6

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    Best advise would be to look withing your circle of friends. Not the friends themselves exactly, but thier friends. It's really the best way to meet anyone. After that the best way to tell if a guy may be into you I would assume is to check for people checking you out. I say that as a hetero dude, but I dont think there is much difference there. When someone, man or women, likes what they see they tend to look a little longer. I base this on being checked out by a few guys before.

    Otherwise, there's always internet dating. Not nearly as creepy as it seems on paper, and sexual orientaion is spelled out right on the page. I have a few friends that have met people with dating sites.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Abdljosh View Post
    I was hoping on getting advice on how to hit on someone - a guy actually. I can pretty much think for myself when it comes to hitting on girls, but when it comes to guys I have to know first if the guy is gay/bi and if thats true if he is single. The least I have to worry about with a girl is if she's single.

    I don't want to come up to each guy I meet and say "hey I'm Bi, how are you?" That would be completely awkward and probably rude to someone who actually is Bi/Gay. I want to be myself as I am right now, I just don't want to have to hang a sign from my shoulders announcing my sexual orientation either.

    I guess the first thing I should ask myself is "where can I go to meet bi/gay guys". When I ask myself this the only thing that pops up in my head is a gay bar, but I don't think I'd do too well by myself at said bar.

    @xbabyx: I'm not going to profess my sexual orientation to everyone I make eye contact with, and I will tell the people that I get close to that I am Bi, I just don't want to go around with a sign over my shoulders announcing that I'm bi (in other words, I don't want to change who I am, how I dress, and how I act just to let others know I'm bi; I want to stay who I am).

    I'm having a hard enough time trying to find someone to be with thats also into diapers, I just want to know other peoples' experiences in stumbling upon their relationships when/while their were coming out of the closet.
    No one suggested you walk around with a sign around your neck. That said, if you're trying to hide that you're attracted to members of the same sex from everyone else in the room, you're hiding it from someone that might be otherwise interested in you, too. And yes, those who are closeted do behave differently than those who are not. It's not something I can easily quantify, but having been on both sides of the closet door, I know what I say is true.

    As for hitting on someone, the only advice I can give you is just don't. It's obnoxious and off-putting. Instead, pay attention in social gatherings and look for your opening to jump into or start a conversation. If someone's drinking a particular style of beer that you like, that's an opening to ask if it's any good, comment that you enjoy that beer, or something similar. If you're a gamer, go hang out in a game shop once in awhile and see if there are cool people there. Like I said, don't try to be something you're not. Just be yourself, except maybe a bit more talkative if you're introverted.

    As for finding an ABDL mate, that's tough, but worth it if you succeed. My BF is a DL and fully supportive of me being an ABDL, but before I met him, I had accepted the possibility that I might remain single for some time. The only thing you can really do is befriend people on ABDL sites that are more adult-oriented (and therefore allow for dating potential) and try to filter the sane ones, attend local events if you're fortunate enough to be in an area where they happen, or attend distant events if not. It's not an easy row to hoe though.

    And I do apologize if I came off a bit harsh earlier, but I do stand by my statements and advice. I don't believe in waiting for life to happen to you.

  8. #8

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    I wish I had some advice, but sadly I'm in the same position... without the option for girls :3
    Every guy I got a crush on is straight and I'm not running around acting extremely gay or telling everybody that I am. Plus the people I'd get along with aren't of the extroverted type either. Throw diapers in the mix and it gets increasingly difficult to find a satisfying relationship... not that I ever had one.
    For now I decided to act naturally and just keep looking out for guys in the offline and online world since a radical change in behaviour for the sake of some kind of relationship would feel far worse I guess.

  9. #9

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    Rule numero uno: No one is going to be looking for you unless you get yourself noticed.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by carbonfiber View Post
    Rule numero uno: No one is going to be looking for you unless you get yourself noticed.
    Quite possibly some of the best advice I've ever heard. Speak up, get noticed, but don't be an attention whore.

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