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Thread: Help would be appreciated.

  1. #1

    Default Help would be appreciated.

    Okay so I'm going to be brief and straight to the point..

    My friend raped me when I was sleeping over at his house when I was 11.

    And now he just sent me a friend request on Facebook...

    What should I do?

  2. #2

    Default

    For starters, do not accept the friend request.
    Secondly, talk to a professional about this. Might be a bit too late to prove anything with the police, but you should really see a therapist about something like that.

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by DictatorBanana View Post
    Okay so I'm going to be brief and straight to the point..

    My friend raped me when I was sleeping over at his house when I was 11.

    And now he just sent me a friend request on Facebook...

    What should I do?
    I'm going to assume (probably not the best thing to do and correct me if I'm wrong) that you haven't kept much contact, and for a good reason. If it were me I'd just ignore the request and try not to let it bring up memories. I've had issues in my past, not pertaining to this topic personally, but I've found its best to cut my losses and not subject myself to any more than I have to. I think its terrible this happened, but I wouldn't feel bad ignoring the request, just keep on doing what you do and ignore him. That's just my two cents

  5. #5

    Default

    Granted, I haven't ever had something like that happen to me. However, the first question I'm wondering is whether or not you're still going to school with him or otherwise in regular contact with him. If not, it's fairly easy to reject it and add him to your block list on FB. Even if you are, I'd still be inclined to reject it and block him.

    Here's the info on the block list: Privacy: Blocking people - Facebook Help Center | Facebook

  6. #6

    Default

    Even though the statue of limitations may be long come and gone. You might still consider calling the police even if It's just putting it on the record. let them know that he contacted you on facebook. Something you don't know is if this person has molested/raped other kids before or after you. Letting the police know it happen, It's possible some one could make a connection with other cases. Also as a former victim my self of child molestation/rape if you have never received counseling for this, I strongly suggest you do find some one you are comfortable with. If you are underage still and close to your parents id talk with them too.

    It's a scary situation to come into contact with past abusers of any sort, I know because i have been there. Try seeing one of your former foster parents who did everything bad imaginable too you(including sexual abuse) in a grocery store. Worse yet having a conversation flood back to memory where you recall them telling you that "it would be no use reporting them as no one would believe me and they would get away with it". Counseling does help. You just have to find the right one and give it time.

    Regardless of what you decide, I do wish you the best of luck in your situation and I will be praying for you and your recovery.

  7. #7

  8. #8
    EmLamby

    Default

    I don't know about you, but there's no way in hell I'd ever accept a friend request from someone who had raped me. Danger, Will Robinson!

  9. #9

    Default

    Several questions come to mind. Since you were 11, how old was he? If he was 12 or 13, that's one situation, and if he was an adult, that's another. I'm not condoning or pardoning child on child, because I've been there at that age, but I don't hold any ill will against those who had their sexual adventure with me when I was that age. Sometimes kids explore, and same sex often comes before opposite sex. But you show me yours and I'll show you mine, and oral or anal penetration are entirely different from each other.

    If it was an adult, you may still be able to seek legal help. Beyond that, you certainly are uncomfortable with what he did, from your statement, so definitely deny his request. That in itself will send him a message, that you do not approve what he did to you. If it helps, there are a number of us on this site who have been molested as children. As I stated, it's somewhat normal between males as they approach puberty. Sadly, it's also a way that some males dominate other males, almost the same as in the animal kingdom, and we are animals as well as humans.

    In college I was sexually taken advantage of because I had a borderline personality disorder, and was hooked on drugs and alcohol. There were other males only too happy to give me alcohol or drugs, waiting for me to pass out. You get the picture. Even as an adult, and working as a professional musician, I was raped and had to comply in order to keep my employment. Oddly enough, I don't harbor any ill will towards these individuals, maybe because of the borderline, or perhaps it's just my forgiving personality.

    I hope you can make peace with this just as I did. It has left scars with me, and I have to remind myself what is real, and what isn't. I am attracted to others stuck back in that early age, but at least I know why. It's what was done to me, and I know that my world lies in the present, with my loving wife and kids. I have been able to move on. I hope you can too. I did it without therapy. I simply wanted something better for myself, and I also knew that I never wanted to hurt others, especially since I was hurt.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Several questions come to mind. Since you were 11, how old was he? If he was 12 or 13, that's one situation, and if he was an adult, that's another. I'm not condoning or pardoning child on child, because I've been there at that age, but I don't hold any ill will against those who had their sexual adventure with me when I was that age. Sometimes kids explore, and same sex often comes before opposite sex. But you show me yours and I'll show you mine, and oral or anal penetration are entirely different from each other.

    If it was an adult, you may still be able to seek legal help. Beyond that, you certainly are uncomfortable with what he did, from your statement, so definitely deny his request. That in itself will send him a message, that you do not approve what he did to you. If it helps, there are a number of us on this site who have been molested as children. As I stated, it's somewhat normal between males as they approach puberty. Sadly, it's also a way that some males dominate other males, almost the same as in the animal kingdom, and we are animals as well as humans.

    In college I was sexually taken advantage of because I had a borderline personality disorder, and was hooked on drugs and alcohol. There were other males only too happy to give me alcohol or drugs, waiting for me to pass out. You get the picture. Even as an adult, and working as a professional musician, I was raped and had to comply in order to keep my employment. Oddly enough, I don't harbor any ill will towards these individuals, maybe because of the borderline, or perhaps it's just my forgiving personality.

    I hope you can make peace with this just as I did. It has left scars with me, and I have to remind myself what is real, and what isn't. I am attracted to others stuck back in that early age, but at least I know why. It's what was done to me, and I know that my world lies in the present, with my loving wife and kids. I have been able to move on. I hope you can too. I did it without therapy. I simply wanted something better for myself, and I also knew that I never wanted to hurt others, especially since I was hurt.
    He is a year older than me. We are in the same grade.
    And it wasn't a "show me yours I'll show you mine" thing... (I'm not going into details)

    I keep trying to forget about him and what he did to me but it is always at the back of my mind. And now he sent me a friend request I feel as if he can find me and do those things again.

    And another thought
    What if I run into him at a store or in a movie? I don't know what I'd be able to do!

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