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Thread: Suicidal Thoughts

  1. #1

    Angry Suicidal Thoughts


    For the past few weeks, I've been having some suicidal thoughts. I was in Baltimore for three days at a F.I.RS.T. Robotics competition but my mind was far off my team.

    I was in the midst of a custody hearing that was happening down in Florida. it was for my 4 year old half brother, who i have never met, it was a morale thing that i even got involved.

    Anyway, I had the father file a motion so i could appear telephonically, i also wrote a letter describing the stories i had heard about mother to the judge. (she left me when i was an infant)

    As soon as my mother got wind of the motion, my mother who i had no contact with started calling me relentlessly (18 calls in three days). Once the court case was over (the case was left open) She left me a voice mail calling me a complete loser and a disposable child (i'm disabled)

    Surprisingly i cried my eyes out after that. I guess the thoughts started there. I got back state-side and went back to school. I've given up on everything. My grades went from "B" to "F" in a week flat.

    Happy thoughts? Some comforting words?


  2. #2


    Quote Originally Posted by goodnightmoon92 View Post
    She left me a voice mail calling me a complete loser and a disposable child (i'm disabled)
    That must really hurt,I always told myself that and had suicidal thoughts [also disabled] but your own mother telling you that
    I'm sorry
    I reccomend just find something you enjoy and think about what you want to do,if you work hard it'll relax you
    For example I want to make manga,so I got sick of sitting around and complaining that I could never do it [thus being suicidal as well] and asked some friends from my school club to help me out,and it really made me feel proud that I did that and it's a step closer to my dream job~

  3. #3


    You said your mom stepped out when you were an infant. If she left, obviously, she didn't care enough to be a part of your life, nor does she probably care about what happens to you, which is barely a way that a mother should act, but you shouldn't listen to her. From the sound of the situation, she just wants you to feel as bad as possible. Don't ever think that you're lower than any other person in this world, or let it get to you at all, just because of any flaw, whether if it's a physical disability, or you're just absent minded and forget things, or whatever may be different about you.

    I feel the same way, often, even, and I can personally tell you, that it's not something that you want to do. Trust me. When I feel like I'm a disgrace and burden to humanity, I know I'm not thinking clearly, and neither are you.

    You also mentioned that you told stories that you heard about her. Were these negative? Also, she called many times; perhaps she was frustrated, and wanted to hurt you how she could, to hit you where it hurts over the phone. People that do things like that shouldn't be listened to; they just have it out for you, and typically lie to you or make things look worse than they appear.

    Just hang in there. If you need it, I have music you can listen to. YouTube - Jumper-Third Eye Blind Lyrics Please give this a listen, and please, don't do it.

  4. #4


    It sounds like your mother was trying to selfishly get back at you. And, in a terrible way too. Forget about her and her hurtful ways. She was only satisfying herself by trying to hurt you and apparently it worked. Time to move on.

    The best way to move past this is to look at yourself and remember this. You are a unique being living in a wonderfully diverse and unique world. There's more than enough cool shit in this world. It's all around us. The possibilities are endless. Before you give a lick about others, however, you need to be able to care about yourself. It takes all of us time before we can wake up look in the mirror and like what we see. From you post you like robotics, that's pretty cool man. In the future, we'll all need people like you to program our robots. Not something most people know. It's unique and you are too

  5. #5


    Your birth mom is a creep. If she continues to call, go to the courts and get a restraining order. She deserves the law putting a little pressure on her. For what it's worth, I was abandoned by my birth parents, but adopted when I was two years old. I'm sure it's created problems deep in my subconscious. When I was in college I had a psychiatrist and a suicide card, his phone number which I could call at any time should I want to hurt myself. Life is tough, and getting through it at age 18 can be very difficult.

    I eventually found myself, married and started my family. Now, years later, my wife uses a wheel chair or her motorized cart to get around. She's diabetic. I have many days of depression, and those thoughts of suicide do cross my mine, but I realize there are many people who need me. My wife would be destroyed if I killed myself, as would my children, so I live for them, even on days when I don't want to go on.

    You are only 18, and who knows what great things are in your future, a future which you are destined to live. We all are on a journey. For some of us, there is more pain, but the pain makes us tough, if not heroic. Don't let these set backs rule your life. Rise above those ashes and flourish. You can be disabled and still do great things. Use your mind. I am writing a novel, and have written two short stories as well as a number of poems. I enjoy reading other writers, especially Pulitzer Prize winning writers. I'm also a musician and play keyboards. There's a lot you can do sitting down. Sharpen your sword and go slay the dragons. They go down easier than you think. I'm always here for you and others. It's what I do.

  6. #6


    Hey Goodnight Moon,
    Depression can be very difficult to deal with,especially when dealing with such a stressful situation in your life.Just remember things can always turn around.I recently had a very close friend pass away, leading to a 6 month period of depression and even a few suicidal thoughts.Things have turned around and I feel like a new man.Keep your head up,life is so very precious.

  7. #7


    I've had suicidal thoughts before. Turns out I'm to much of a coward to go through with it. Whatever it is that is causing so much pain you feel like ending your life I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also hope that this terrible thing passes soon.

    Thing is it is your life if you want to take it that is your decision. Most problems that cause people to consider suicide are temporary. As many mental health exports say. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

  8. #8


    i don't really know what it would be like to be raised by adoptive parents and never know my birth parents, but i imagine there would always be a temptation to think of your birth parents as your "real" parents and to take anything they say to you very seriously. but your birth mom is not your real mom. she doesn't know you -- she's really no more than a stranger -- and she sounds like a truly despicable person. what she said to you was totally sick and you should resist the impulse to take it seriously. don't let this person control your emotions with her hateful energy.

  9. #9


    Depression is hard to deal with, yeah, but you have to get through it. The alternative is worse.

    So, you're into FIRST? It's great stuff - I led drive mechanics on my high school team for two years. Here's a suggestion: After you graduate, stay on as a mentor. Experience is just as important as intelligence in building a good robot.

  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by LazyAB View Post
    Depression is hard to deal with, yeah, but you have to get through it. The alternative is worse.

    So, you're into FIRST? It's great stuff - I led drive mechanics on my high school team for two years. Here's a suggestion: After you graduate, stay on as a mentor. Experience is just as important as intelligence in building a good robot.
    Team #?

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