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Thread: Here for help / advice...

  1. #1

    Default Here for help / advice...

    Hi all,

    I've been reading this site for about a week now and I guess it's time to introduce myself! I'm a 32 year old woman, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 8 months.

    To cut a very long story short I love my boyfriend a huge amount, but he had been very hesitant about committment, and I felt he had also been dishonest with me. He asked me to move in with him and then changed his mind, but made excuses rather than tell me outright.

    Anyhow, I broke up with him recently. I want to get married and have children, and I felt if that wasn't in my future with him then I needed to move on and find someone who was able to meet my needs. It also hurt that I knew I was sure about him, but he seemed so unsure about me.

    After a week of being apart, I went to talk to him to see if there was any point in me holding onto the hop that he might change his mind. He had alluded several times that I didn't know the "real" him and I told him straight that if he couldn't take a risk at this point in our relationship on telling me this big thing then our relationship was definitely over.

    And so it all came out... his love for diapers.

    I have no problem with this fetish (that's how I view it?). I have experimented in the past with various kinks, and I would like to think I am one of the most open minded people I know.

    Since he told me I have asked him lots of questions, done loads of internet research and also played with diapers with him.

    My main concerns have been that:

    - He will want to involve diapers with sex every time we are in bed

    - That he views me as a kind of mother figure

    He has reassured me that neither of those are anything to worry about, but I know that it is very important to me that I feel wanted and desired sexually as a woman and not just attractive as someone who will facilitate his fantasy.

    This is clearly a need that will always be there for him, and I think I'm ok with that. It was important enough to him to nearly lose our relationship over, and that scares me a bit, but I am trying to look at it in a different way... and that is that he was struggling with whether he could abandon his needs entirely to be with me as he felt he couldn't tell me.

    This now feels like a really long post (sorry!). I think what I'm asking for is any reassurance, or advice or support that anyone could give...


  2. #2

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    Greetings Vanities. It's admirable that you are trying to understand this side of your boyfriend better. From what you've said he loves you as an individual, not just as a participant in his fetish. He will likely want to continue indulging in it, but he also wants to lead a normal life. You two need to discuss the situation to ensure a proper balance that you both can live with. If you love each other you will be able to work it out.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thanks BruanHam.

    I hope what you've said is true. I feel quite hopeful about the relationship now, certainly more so than before he told me.

    I did get the impression if I couldn't accept this part of him then the relationship would certainly be over. Luckily I have found that I can accept it... and since then he is like a changed man when it comes to the committment issues! So, I hope we will both get what we want eventually!!

  4. #4

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    I understand completely what you are going through! I had the exact same thoughts. I didnt want it to take over our sex life or it come to the point that he HAD to have them to be satisfied. Its hard for me because my fantasy is being with a big tough guy, thats kind of hard to fulfill both of our wants at the same time. I did NOT want to be a mom like figure to him. That grossed me out, but I came to find out that he just liked me changing him because he likes the womans touch and it makes him feel closer to me. I didnt want to make him feel like he had to hide it from me. His ex was completely against it so he would wear them behind her back. I would be extremely hurt if he were to do that with me. The best advice I can give you is keep an open mind, dont judge, and dont think that hes any less attracted to you or that the diapers are more important than you. My husband understands that sometimes they are ok, others they are not. I usually put one on him three to four times a week and hes ok with that. If youd like to talk more, please feel free to message me, it sounds to me like we are in the same boat

  5. #5
    jeffiewe

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    I thank you for bringing up this point it made me ask myself wth am i gonna do when i get older? there are not many people like you that are understanding of things hopefully i meet someone like you. as for your friend just try to get into it "test the waters"

  6. #6

    Default

    [QUOTE=justmine82;609546]
    I didnt want it to take over our sex life or it come to the point that he HAD to have them to be satisfied.

    I did NOT want to be a mom like figure to him. That grossed me out.

    I didnt want to make him feel like he had to hide it from me. His ex was completely against it so he would wear them behind her back. I would be extremely hurt if he were to do that with me.
    My husband understands that sometimes they are ok, others they are not. QUOTE]

    Thanks for your response justmine82. It does sound like we are in remarkably similar situations... I have so many things I want to ask you, but I think I need to post more before I can message you...

    In the meantime, would you mind sharing with me how you negotiated with your husband that sometimes it's ok and sometimes it isn't? I want to do this, but do it in a loving and accepting way.... the last thing I want (like you) is for him to think that I believe there's something wrong with him, or his desires. I guess I just want to make sure I am happy too!

  7. #7

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    Sorry it took me so long to get back, my internet has been down. He is very understanding of my feelings about diapers. He doesnt want to push them on me too much. He will usually wait for me to offer to put one on him but every once in awhile he get anxious and tactfully hint around about it. lol We have talked about it quite a bit, he understands that sometimes is okay but not always. I try to keep exciting for him. Im still learning what he likes and doesnt like. Like so many people on here have told me, communication is key! Let him know that you are totally open to using the diapers but not all the time. It can be tricky talking to them, if hes anything like my husband, he gets embarassed about it very easily but it has to be discussed.

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