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Thread: Experienced ab/dl therapist nyc

  1. #1

    Default Experienced ab/dl therapist nyc

    does anyone know of a counselor experienced with infantilism in new york city??? it sounds crazy, but i have talked to over 15 therapists and different organizations including the GLBT center and they have NEVER heard of it and have had to look it up. i really don't want to go to a therapist who is learning right along side of me. would be hard for me to trust that person.

  2. #2

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    I think it's rather unlikely that you will find any at all that are familiar with it. From a psychological standpoint, unless one actually believe oneself to be a baby, infantilism is a coping mechanism for stress or a fetish, not a mental disorder. The most any therapist can do is help you, even one that's familiar with it, is to discover and understand why someone would have such an interest help find a way to cope with it or move away from it.

    I read your intro thread. I really think a regular counselor or therapist would be sufficient. Just because it's their first time hearing, researching, and learning about infantilism doesn't mean they won't be as much help. What you should really look for in a therapist or counselor is their experience in the mental health, counseling, and psychological fields in general.

  3. #3

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    seems that might be the case unfortunately. (having to go to most any therapist)
    out of curiosity, is that what you think? that if you had no stress, you would have no desire to be a baby. unless of course it was a fetish.
    and then there's always that wavy line...
    but i truly wonder if you have more of a "need" to be a baby when you are under more stress...

  4. #4

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    As a purely uneducated and uninformed opinion, I would have to say it works that way for many. For others, I'd hypothesize the "need" is more constant, uniform thing.
    Maybe I'll wander over to Bittergrey's site and drop the question on him; be interesting to see the answers.

  5. #5

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    I would think that one fetish would be treated like another. In some respects it has a compulsion side to it, in that we want to do it again and again. I know it's not considered a compulsion as such, but we do have a need to replicate feeling either like a baby or a toddler. As for relieving stress, for me at least it does. I enjoy doing it when I'm under less stress, however.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by cookiepuss View Post
    seems that might be the case unfortunately. (having to go to most any therapist)
    out of curiosity, is that what you think? that if you had no stress, you would have no desire to be a baby. unless of course it was a fetish.
    and then there's always that wavy line...
    but i truly wonder if you have more of a "need" to be a baby when you are under more stress...
    I think that that's the most general excuse an AB/DL will give. Personally, it's by far the most comforting and stress relieving activity I can come up with. I don't think that I actually "need" it so much as I want it. But doing it regularly as your only means of stress relief can turn it into an addiction where that "want" becomes a "need".

    It's not always just stress relief either. I sometimes do it just to chill out and relax on days that weren't stressful at all. It puts me in a good, happy, or carefree mood when I'm otherwise feeling depressed or bored. In such cases, it falls more into the fetish category. For me, it started as this sort of mild fetish, and then I found the stress relieving aspects of it.

    I think that even if I had no stress, I would still do it for fun.

  7. #7

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    thanx for your private message too. i am not allowed to reply because i apparently have not leveled up, even though i did everything i was supposed to do on the level up page. i guess i just have to do more posts or something.
    anyway, the one thing about the uninformed therapist is that they will only have coping advice. i am looking for more understanding about what it is, and if it can change at all ever. if it is classified as a disorder, then there would be a desire to change it but it seems like there aren't enough people that even do this ab/dl stuff to bring any real awareness to it.

    ---------- Post added at 09:24 ---------- Previous post was at 09:20 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by Traemo View Post
    As a purely uneducated and uninformed opinion, I would have to say it works that way for many. For others, I'd hypothesize the "need" is more constant, uniform thing.
    Maybe I'll wander over to Bittergrey's site and drop the question on him; be interesting to see the answers.
    please let me know if bittergrey has any more insight. i just tried to reply to your private message, but it didn't work...

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by cookiepuss View Post
    i am looking for more understanding about what it is, and if it can change at all ever.
    I'm sure you've already seen http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...d-diapers.html
    and: Understanding Infantilism, but I'll post them just in case you haven't.

    I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.

  9. #9

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    Paraphilic infantilism is not classified as a disorder. Nor is it ever likely to be. A disorder has to affect a person’s ability to function independently in society, or cause them to be a risk to themselves or others. Unusual sexual predilections or stress relief mechanisms do not qualify as such. True infantilism – where a person not only desires to be an infant, but actually believes that they are one – would qualify, but it is vanishingly rare.

    I’m afraid, however, that you aren’t likely to find the assurance that you are looking for. Although almost everyone on this site has come to terms with their desires, to one degree or another, that doesn’t mean that there is nobody here who feels inconvenienced by it. I’m sure there are many who would like to be rid of these desires if they could. Unfortunately, the empirical evidence on quitting is not favourable. Everyone here, who has ever tried to stop forever, has ultimately failed. And every therapist that an ADISC member has seen (and there have been plenty – in the US it sometimes seems like the first response of the parents of our teenage members, if they find out), has said the same thing – you can accept your desires, or repress them (and repression always has negative consequences in the long run), but you can’t get rid of them – they are an integral part of your psyche – and it can’t be deconstructed piecemeal. The psychiatric profession’s history of “curing” unusual sexual predilections is one of miserable failure (and, by modern standards, a history of more than a few human rights violations).

    This is who your boyfriend is. It's not his fault, and it isn't under his control. He might be able to repress it for your sake, but not for the rest of his life.
    Last edited by Akastus; 20-Mar-2011 at 20:06.

  10. #10

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    While I agree with Akastus, I also think your husband/boyfriend needs to understand that no matter how innocent he may think his interest is, it's hurting not only his relationship with you, but your relationship with the baby as well. Have you conveyed these feelings and thoughts to him? (I'm assuming so. Please forgive me if I'm mistaken.)

    Ask him: What does being an AB/DL mean to him? Is it a need? is it a fetish? Is it sexual? How much does being an AB/DL mean to him? So much that he'd be willing to sacrifice his relationship with his spouse and child for his own desires?

    In contrast, you should also ask yourself: Is it really such a bad thing that he enjoys these things? And if so, why is it bad? Is it because you think it may be a fetish or sexual in nature? Can you really be sure that it is? Is it really fair to force him to repress his desires just because you don't agree with them or because it's different?

    The bottom line is communication. Be realistic but keep an open mind. Perhaps you could find some middle ground with him.

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