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Thread: hi

  1. #1

    Default hi

    new to this.
    trying to learn, but don't feel like saying much right now.

  2. #2

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    Hi, cookiepuss. Welcome to ADISC. I suppose you are here to find out more information that will help you to better understand your friend's interests. Take your time and look around, there is a vast amount of information to be found here. If you have any specific questions, don't be afraid to ask them. The members here, with very few exceptions, are very friendly and helpful. We will try to help you to get the information you are looking for. Take care, and I hope you enjoy the time you spend here.

  3. #3

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    Welcome to adisc! Please tell us some more about yourself so we can get to know you better. Any hobbies, other interests?

  4. #4

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    having a terrible time understanding all of this. love my boyfriend very very much but don't know if this is going to work. don't even feel like saying what i really think of all this because it will sound mean and i don't want to be mean. but i am truly truly rocked to the core of my being and even though he feels better now that he has told me, i feel like dying.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by cookiepuss View Post
    having a terrible time understanding all of this. love my boyfriend very very much but don't know if this is going to work. don't even feel like saying what i really think of all this because it will sound mean and i don't want to be mean. but i am truly truly rocked to the core of my being and even though he feels better now that he has told me, i feel like dying.
    That is very understandable, it can be a big shock. It's good that you can put yourself in his shoes and understand how hard it is to explain that you are into something really taboo that you probably knew never existed. I'm lucky to love and be loved by somebody who understands how I feel and is very accepting, and that's probably all he wants too.

  6. #6

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    but i don't know if i will continue to find him attractive if he is not really thinking of me and it turns out in order to be happy, he has to think of baby stuff. i thought i could make him happy. i feel like he has been cheating on me with another person for the last 5 years. he insists that is not a good analogy because the baby stuff is not another person, but i would prefer another person honestly.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by cookiepuss View Post
    but i don't know if i will continue to find him attractive if he is not really thinking of me and it turns out in order to be happy, he has to think of baby stuff. i thought i could make him happy. i feel like he has been cheating on me with another person for the last 5 years. he insists that is not a good analogy because the baby stuff is not another person, but i would prefer another person honestly.
    Clearly you're going to need to talk further with him about this. It's up to you whether this is something you can deal with or not but I don't think that cheating is an accurate way of looking at it. Kinks are pretty common and there's a wide array of them. The ABDL thing is an unusual one but certainly not the most outlandish out there. He might have been a leg man and you likely wouldn't have thought anything of it. That he was able to share this part of himself with you is an indication of a strong bond and that he trusts you greatly. It can be a very difficult thing to talk about and clearly seems to be in this case. I'd say by all rights, he's slow in doing so but it's easy to criticize from a distance. I can't tell you how to respond but I would suggest that you remember he's the person you fell in love with. This is part of what makes him that person you love.

  8. #8

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    i know what you are saying logically, sortof, but it goes deeper... we also have a tiny baby and planned to have another soon and now i feel like he is/has stolen the babyhood from the baby. thinking about the real baby is the only sort of baby i want to be thinking of. i have read every essay. every thread, every single thing there is out there, and still i don't feel better about this knowing that now our baby isn't getting to be a baby. i am afraid to even mention the word diaper or talk about a toy he may have been given, or a cute onesie he was wearing because now it all has other meaning. and that makes me incredibly sad and even sick. now i feel like the real baby may not get to be a baby because i can't stomach the baby things, so i am (against my will) feeling myself move away from anything 'baby' and stop myself from having all the feelings that used to be beautiful regarding our baby and all that goes with his babyhood.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by cookiepuss View Post
    i know what you are saying logically, sortof, but it goes deeper... we also have a tiny baby and planned to have another soon and now i feel like he is/has stolen the babyhood from the baby. thinking about the real baby is the only sort of baby i want to be thinking of. i have read every essay. every thread, every single thing there is out there, and still i don't feel better about this knowing that now our baby isn't getting to be a baby. i am afraid to even mention the word diaper or talk about a toy he may have been given, or a cute onesie he was wearing because now it all has other meaning. and that makes me incredibly sad and even sick. now i feel like the real baby may not get to be a baby because i can't stomach the baby things, so i am (against my will) feeling myself move away from anything 'baby' and stop myself from having all the feelings that used to be beautiful regarding our baby and all that goes with his babyhood.
    I don't think (and don't expect) that you have read every relevant thread or article because if you had, you'd have seen comments from ABDL parents that I hope would put you more at ease. To use a simple, non-ABDL example, parents deal with their children in all kinds of situations and somehow manage to get by without sexual attraction involving itself in the picture, i.e., mothers are not getting turned on by their sons and fathers their daughters unless they have other problems. The ABDL thing is the same in this context. This thing is deeply ingrained in most of us but it also has its time and place and I'm going to go out on a limb and say your boyfriend is like our other parent posters who have made it clear that the twain do not meet. It's not even an act of will or resistance, they are simply not the same thing at all.

    I understand how your boyfriend's revelation can be upsetting and deeply confusing but you must understand, this is not some alien other you're talking about. It's a part of him like whether he likes or doesn't like peanut butter but it's not the whole of his being. It's powerful and it's not going away but it exists within its context and you should resist the temptation to extrapolate its effects into places where it doesn't go. It really sounds like you need to see a knowledgeable professional together and talk about your concerns as you're carrying around a lot more anxiety about this than I think we can really manage online.

  10. #10

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