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Thread: My bro is a ho

  1. #1

    Default My bro is a ho

    mo.

    All this current talk of little brothers really had me thinking about a recent revelation I had with mine.

    I've never been close with my little brother or any of my brothers for that matter as some of you already know. To get this news really took me by surprise but my little brother came out to me. He's currently twenty four now to give you a idea of the kind of relationship we've had for each other. Pretty sad I know.

    Yet at the same time I get this overwhelming feeling of just being straight up relieved. The kind where you go on for so long not having a simple solution but when it finally does come around you just sit back and go "OOOOOH!". All is suddenly explained and for once it actually makes sense. What I'm getting at is what I refer to as the dominoe effect.

    When I was struggling with my own sexuality I used people to advantage to cover my own insecurities. We had one kid at my school who was pretty much a open flaming homo. The guy carried a purse and answered to the name Bo. In this day and age that's not a big deal. When you backtrack about thirteen years ago in a school setting of rednecks versus the blacks with skater kids on the sidelines it suddenly is a big deal. I admit I'm ashamed I allowed myself to get caught up in the typical gay bashing of the kid. At first I thought it was just me trying to fit in to not alienate myself from the norm. Little did I know I was just using the kid to hide from myself.

    Now of course this very post wouldn't exist if I didn't eventually move past all of that garbage. When I did come out though my little brother especially took it hard. It was like looking in a mirror at that kid who used to openly gay bash the one known as Bo. Hurt doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling but at the same time I felt I deserved it for my past actions. My family as a whole moved on for many years not wanting anything to do with me once they knew the real me.

    You could argue that time heals all wounds and in this case you would be correct. There's more details to this mind you but I don't feel like it's my business to air out my little brother's private history. What I will share is a few weeks ago he did open up communication with me after all these years. Not only did he tell me he's gay but he apologized for everything. The open gay bashing, exposing my deepest secret (diapers) to our friends/neighbors, and the time he found my stash. I have to say out of everything he ever did to me when he found my secret hiding spot and tampered with it ...the little sanity I had left was destroyed. It was one thing to find it but to take sharpie markers to my diapers and write shit like FREAK!, etc over it really affected me over the years. He claimed at the time he thought he was helping me and when I thought about it further I'm sure it wasn't any easier for him to understand why I was the way I was. Like I told him, I didn't understand it at the time so to expect him to makes us both blind hypocrites. It was just one of those unfortunate situations where you couldn't win unless you had age, maturity, and wisdom already on your side.

    Regardless of everything I told him I'm always here for him, even if he wasn't gay it would make no difference to me. You're my brother and nothing changes that.
    Last edited by statik; 03-Mar-2011 at 17:57.

  2. #2

    Default

    That's sweet. (The last line)

    I used to hang out with skaters, and we used to bash this kid all the time. I never really enjoyed it, but I was called gay and emo if I didn't do it with them. Eventually I grew sick of it, they were sent to boarding schools because their parents were sick of them, and I never spoke to them again. I feel bad about it, but it was so long ago, it's best not to bring up.

    The person that we made fun of is actually one of my friends. He was my friend in elementary school too. He told my lesbian friend that he's bi, and she told me. I'm out, but he doesn't know I know he's bi.

    We all regret something.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Me :p View Post
    That's sweet. (The last line)

    I used to hang out with skaters, and we used to bash this kid all the time. I never really enjoyed it, but I was called gay and emo if I didn't do it with them. Eventually I grew sick of it, they were sent to boarding schools because their parents were sick of them, and I never spoke to them again. I feel bad about it, but it was so long ago, it's best not to bring up.

    The person that we made fun of is actually one of my friends. He was my friend in elementary school too. He told my lesbian friend that he's bi, and she told me. I'm out, but he doesn't know I know he's bi.

    We all regret something.
    Thanks for being the only one to reply.

    You're right we all do regret something but at the same time life has a funny way of teaching us hard lessons. In the case of my brother it truly is a dominoe effect because my actions rubbed off on Bo and I got what I deserved at the time from my own brother. To have it come back years later that he was struggling like I was and used me as well, it just puts a whole new perspective on everything as a whole. I find it amusing the way things work out the way they do. *nods*

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by statik View Post
    I find it amusing the way things work out the way they do. *nods*
    I would find it amusing if it didn't make me feel like an asshole in the process...

  5. #5

    Default

    That's horrible what your brother did to you, but under all the circumstances (including the ones I don't know) I have no right to judge. The important thing is he apologized and you can move on which makes me really happy for the both of you! I'm still struggling with living in the closet regarding both my sexuality and my TB/DLism, so this somewhat hits home with me. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who's bi out of all my brothers, and I'm perfectly fine with that. In fact, I really do hope all of my brothers are straight because then they won't have to deal with all the societal pressure to be untrue to yourself.

    However, I do have slight suspicions about one of my younger brothers. This story kinda gives me a little hope that no matter what, family will always stick together. And if my brother does end up being gay, then I'd happily accept him, because I'm sure he'd do the same for me when I come out.

    Also, the dominoe effect thing really makes me ponder the idea of existentialism (which I'm currently studying in class) and how our choices affect us. It really is amusing how life teaches us so much yet we don't listen until we figure things out the hard way.

  6. #6

    Default

    This reminds me so much of mine and my brothers relationship.. That's a Long story probably better left for a post of my own, but I think yours was a great story, thank you for sharing..

  7. #7
    DragonFurry

    Default

    I used to do the same thing to this kid in middle school and now I'm getting into highschool and no ones judging anymore and Im having thoughts on my sexuality it's actually kinda nice but I kinda scares me too

  8. #8

    Default

    It seems mature topics are an orphaned forum... My guess is that most members have a forum that holds their interest more than the others, and with so many members there are so many posts... and Mature just gets bumped.

    It is always hard for me to respond to really heavily emotionally charged posts like the above: I just don't know what to say. It is even harder if you know the person.

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