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Thread: My wife wants kid's

  1. #1

    Default My wife wants kid's

    OK my wife told me that she would like to have kid's last night. she told me to think it over before I mack my mind up. It's not that I don't wont kids I do it Just I wanted to what a little longer before I start a family. I'm just 21 and she is 23. I just don't know what to do. All I won't is for her to be happy. I fill like if I say no to her I'm being unfair to her. Do I put her happiness over my own.

  2. #2

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    well i say talk to her and tell her why you dont want kids and you both come to a joint decision and if they cant be done you should not do something you know will not be good for you cause if your not happy she isn't happy most likely

  3. #3

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    Having children is a major, life altering decision. If you're not ready for kids yet then you need to let your wife know. Tell her all your concerns. When you two finally do have a child it will be the responsibility of both of you. So, don't rush into it.

  4. #4

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    I just don't wont to disappoint her. her happiness mint everything to me and I know from first hand that she well be a good mom NO she well be a great mom.
    I just don't know if I be a good dad.

  5. #5

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    Well, if you're asking yourself that question and you don't have any serious mental problems, you're probably fine. Your wife obviously trusts you, otherwise she wouldn't have married you, and she wouldn't be considering kids, (unless she's nuts, too). I'd say what everyone else is saying. Talk it over with her, try to come to a decision, let her know how you feel. If you do decide to have kids, look at the bright side, you have at least 4 or 5 years before the kid actually knows that you're being a crappy dad, and probably about 10-11 before they actually start to hate you. So, you're alright!

  6. #6

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    You are not saying "no" (unless you are saying "never") - you are saying "not yet". It's hardly the same thing. You can always delay having children, but you can't unbirth them.

    You are not being unfair to her - at least no more so than she is being to you. There are more variables in this decision than your wife's happiness - or your happiness, for that matter. Raising a child is an awesome responsibility - one that should not be entered into lightly. If you do not feel that you are emotionally ready, or that you and your wife as a couple are financially ready to accept the burdens of raising a child, then a delay is perfectly reasonable. What reason is there to rush into it?

    In my opinion, 21 is too young to be having a child in this day and age, never mind in these economic climes. You've only just found your footings as an adult, in a world that is increasingly uncertain. I would want a lot more time to establish myself and learn about myself before going down the road of having a family. Not that a person can't be a great parent at that age, but it is harder. The fact that people manage to cope with a suboptimal situation is no reason for deliberately seeking to create one. I will admit, however, to being biased in this regard - I come from a family where later births are the norm, so take my opinion with a pinch of salt.

    You need to discuss all of your reservations with your wife frankly. Don't acquiesce simply to avoid upsetting her - you have a very large stake in this decision too, and so do the unborn children. At your respective ages, if you are not both wholeheartedly committed to it, then the default position ought to be "not yet". It's not as if you're short of time.
    Last edited by Akastus; 16-Feb-2011 at 21:40. Reason: Spelling

  7. #7

    Default

    your write. I should just let her know I'm not ready yet. I Just don't want to turn out like my dad who whas never Thar for me growing up.
    I do want to have a family but I just don't think I'm ready yat. I'm shoor that she well under stand.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by matt1989 View Post
    OK my wife told me that she would like to have kid's last night. she told me to think it over before I mack my mind up. It's not that I don't wont kids I do it Just I wanted to what a little longer before I start a family. I'm just 21 and she is 23. I just don't know what to do. All I won't is for her to be happy. I fill like if I say no to her I'm being unfair to her. Do I put her happiness over my own.
    Then you should tell her you'd like to wait, and wait. You aren't being unfair to her or putting your happiness above hers by waiting.

  9. #9

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    ya it's not like I'm saying no

  10. #10

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    First off I will say even when you think you are ready to have kids YOU ARE NOT! I had my daughter when I was 27 & my son when I was 29. Both my wife & I had good jobs & were making a good income. We were both in good health as well. Having kids takes up 110% of your time & 300% of your money. You have to think it all out. Do you both work? Who will be looking after the kids if you both are at work? If only one of you works do you make enough money to pay for the bills? Do you have health insurance? If you don't have insurance it will cost you around $10,000 in doctors & hospital bills. If you choose day care be ready to pay big bucks for that. Is where you are living now a good place to raise kids? What are the schools like in the area?
    There are hundreds of things you need to have in place before you just decide to pop out a critter. I would not shut her down I would just bring up what her plan is after having a kid is going to be.

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