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Thread: I don't know if I am gay.

  1. #1

    Default I don't know if I am gay.

    Hi. I am looking for some advice/help from anyone who can be bothered to read the quite long post I am writing!


    Basically, I don't know what my sexuality is. I have reasons to believe I am straight, and that I am gay.

    Firstly, I have had a few girlfriends in the past, admittedly most of which were about as meaningless as any relationship when you're both young, but I was with one girl for about a year, when we were 15/16 ish. Also, there is a girl at university who was flirting with me a lot over the summer. We are not now going out (which is another very long story which I don't need to go into unless anyone wants to know), and it often upsets me that we are not together.
    Also, whenever I imagine the future, I always see myself as having a wife, and the thought of living permanently with another man seems very strange, and not really something I would ever think of as a possibility.

    However, most of my sexual fantasies involve men. In particular, (and I find this a bit strange!) since I was about 12, when I had my first "girlfriend", there has always been one friend in my life who I wanted/want to be my boyfriend. The feelings towards each gender are not the same; with the girl I would love to go out with, I want to have a long, lasting, serious relationship, whereas with the boy that I currently love, I merely want to sleep with him.

    I seem to find it easier to talk to boys than to girls. Just last night, at a club, I was talking to a girl for about 10 minutes and we were getting on well, but then I started trying to lose her because I didn't want to talk to her at all. Later on that night, I met a boy outside in the smoking area, we chatted for about 20 minutes before both going in, and then when I went out to smoke again, I saw him by the door and we both went out together and talked for another 10/15 minutes.

    When I'm drunk I tend to get very "friendly" with my male friends. For example, if I happen to see a friend of mine in a night club, we usually hug, as is quite normal for friends to do, but then I often end up kissing him on the lips for a few seconds. One night, when I was incredibly drunk, I pulled one of my friends towards me, put one hand down his pants on his bum and french kissed him for a long time. I would never dream of doing that to any of my female friends.

    Finally, there was one night when I ended up sleeping in the same bed as the boy that I mentioned above. Again, we were both very drunk and the excitement got the better of me once we were in bed. I won't go into details here, but we got incredibly intimate (especially as he has a girlfriend!). I managed to laugh it off the following morning by pretending not to remeber anything, and he has never asked me if I am gay.

    So can anyone give me any advice? Am I gay or straight? I apologise for the really long post, but once I started writing it it was good to put all my feelings into words.

  2. #2

    Default

    I have a question. Do you feel sexually attracted to women, or is it just the idea of a long term relationship/friendship that appeals to you? The reason I ask, is that it seems obvious that you are attracted to guys. If you are attracted sexually to both genders, then you fall into the category of bisexuality, rather than homosexual or heterosexual. It seems like you are conflicted about what you want. Regardless, please remember that people who care about you will accept you. It might not always be easy, but be yourself, no matter what direction your heart leads you.

  3. #3
    Loopygone

    Default

    You could be bi? :X

    I found my self in a similar situation, I started awakening to my "gay" feelings when I was in my early 20's, and just in the same way as you. I always thought of a relationship with a guy to be just sex, whilst with a woman it would be for the whole family, love, and relationship thing. However as I've gotten older the appeal of a normal standard relationship with a guy has become more and more appealing. Personally I think that's due to society, we get brought up being told that we should marry the opposite sex, have kids, set up a home, and live the life. As I grew older, and came to terms with my sexuality (I'm bi btw :P), and realized that I didn't want kids, or the typical suburban lifestyle, my thoughts on the subject changed. I'd be happy in a relationship with either sex, as long as I loved the person.

    All I can suggest is go with the flow. Who cares what you label your self with? Just have fun . If you meet a cute guy and hit it off, then try it out for a bit, if you meet a cute girl and hit it off, do the same. At the end of the day it doesn't matter which side of the fence you're sitting on, as long as you are happy. I know, in the wider world having a gay partner can cause issues, but you have to be true to your self. I take it you are still quite young, you have plenty of time to find out .

    So, don't be eager to label yourself, you'll have more fun that way :3

    Loopy

  4. #4

    Default

    I came to say a small portion of what Loopy said (with all the context a straight boy could have), so I'll defer. Self exploration is a good thing, but sometimes you've just got to try a few things on and see what fits.

  5. #5

    Default

    Loopy makes some good points. The thing I say in cases like this is that the proof is in the porn.

    What do I mean? Well, if you fantasize mostly about guys, then chances are you're mostly gay. Sexuality is far less binary than people would have you believe, as is gender. Sometimes it takes awhile to come to grips and figure everything out, but that's perfectly ok. Just be you and don't sweat the label too hard.

  6. #6

    Default

    Meh, same situation-ish, I never so really see myself sleeping with anyone, but That would be illegal anyway. *age

    I definitely have a crazy crush on this one "Girl that is a friend" of mine.

    I figure I have time to figure it out, Just don't worry about it, your going to be attracted to who your going to be attracted to regardless.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Loopy View Post
    You could be bi? :X
    I want your Tee-shirt.

    I came to the conclusion I'm bi-sexual after a few years of self-exploring and exploring a friend of mine. There's been times where I've been a bit.. down because of it, but otherwise I never look back. Knowing my body perfectly and understanding what I want in life is something I'm rather proud of

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babypete42 View Post
    Hi. I am looking for some advice/help from anyone who can be bothered to read the quite long post I am writing!


    Basically, I don't know what my sexuality is. I have reasons to believe I am straight, and that I am gay.

    Firstly, I have had a few girlfriends in the past, admittedly most of which were about as meaningless as any relationship when you're both young, but I was with one girl for about a year, when we were 15/16 ish. Also, there is a girl at university who was flirting with me a lot over the summer. We are not now going out (which is another very long story which I don't need to go into unless anyone wants to know), and it often upsets me that we are not together.
    Also, whenever I imagine the future, I always see myself as having a wife, and the thought of living permanently with another man seems very strange, and not really something I would ever think of as a possibility.

    However, most of my sexual fantasies involve men. In particular, (and I find this a bit strange!) since I was about 12, when I had my first "girlfriend", there has always been one friend in my life who I wanted/want to be my boyfriend. The feelings towards each gender are not the same; with the girl I would love to go out with, I want to have a long, lasting, serious relationship, whereas with the boy that I currently love, I merely want to sleep with him.

    I seem to find it easier to talk to boys than to girls. Just last night, at a club, I was talking to a girl for about 10 minutes and we were getting on well, but then I started trying to lose her because I didn't want to talk to her at all. Later on that night, I met a boy outside in the smoking area, we chatted for about 20 minutes before both going in, and then when I went out to smoke again, I saw him by the door and we both went out together and talked for another 10/15 minutes.

    When I'm drunk I tend to get very "friendly" with my male friends. For example, if I happen to see a friend of mine in a night club, we usually hug, as is quite normal for friends to do, but then I often end up kissing him on the lips for a few seconds. One night, when I was incredibly drunk, I pulled one of my friends towards me, put one hand down his pants on his bum and french kissed him for a long time. I would never dream of doing that to any of my female friends.

    Finally, there was one night when I ended up sleeping in the same bed as the boy that I mentioned above. Again, we were both very drunk and the excitement got the better of me once we were in bed. I won't go into details here, but we got incredibly intimate (especially as he has a girlfriend!). I managed to laugh it off the following morning by pretending not to remeber anything, and he has never asked me if I am gay.

    So can anyone give me any advice? Am I gay or straight? I apologise for the really long post, but once I started writing it it was good to put all my feelings into words.
    Here's the thing about sexuality, that I've noticed. It's really hard to put it into a box. It's really a fluid thing, and terms like gay and bisexual are very constricting and very rarely true.

    I've been trying to decide for awhile now whether I'm bisexual or gay. It's kind of a reverse-questioning thing for me; I'm trying to figure out if I like girls or not. I can see them as friends, and I could definitely marry a girl, but as far as the sex part, I don't think I could do it. I check out girls, though. So what am I? The decision I'm coming to, and my advice to you, is not to worry about labels. My favorite term is "at least bisexual" because it could really mean anything.

    Don't worry about confining yourself to straight, or gay. You like girls. You find guys attractive. If you try and define yourself, you end up mentally closing doors that could otherwise lead to happiness. This way, there's nothing holding you back. Congratulations, you're a sexual being.

  9. #9

    Default

    After reading your post, I assume that you would be bi, or at very least, bi-curious. I have always like girls and I attract to them sexually so that concludes me that I am a lesbian. However, I still find some guys cute etc and once in a while I fantasize how it look like to be with a guy (I never been with one in my life). Don't take me wrong, I am happy in my current relationship with my fiancee. So sometimes I view myself at least, a bi-curious. Anyway, regardless the outcome, just be true to yourself. =)

  10. #10

    Default

    if no-one has said already you are barely out of your teenage years and your hormones are all ajumble

    you'll probably have a better idea on your sexuality in your early 20s or something

    having said this, and being a seasoned bitchy gay, you sound like you may turn out gay though from the looks of it which i hope is alright if not you generally tend to come to terms with it anyway.

    also nsdfdsfdhbfhjsdbf sorry but bi-curious is the most annoying specification ever

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