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Thread: Betrayal advice, what should I do?

  1. #1

    Default Betrayal advice, what should I do?

    I am sorry if this is in the wrong category, I thought the mature topics would be the best place.

    I need advice, short version: My best friend betrayed me twice and I don't know if I should forgive him.

    long version:My best friend and I have know each other since the second grade (We are now in ninth grade). We have our fair share of fights, but we built our friendship around having serious debates without getting made at each other or anything like that, but in the seventh grade, he abandoned me for the popular crowd. I was the social outcast in the class he betrayed me in, was laughed at, treated like a horrible person constantly and was constantly rejected by the entire class and he didn't do anything for the entire school year.

    I forgave him eventually and gave him a second chance, knowing we all make mistakes, but I found out recently that after the fifth grade (I was going through some extremely rough times and he was my one true friend who was always there for me) when he moved, he got a new phone number and his brother suggested to him I was a nuisance and could get rid of me by not giving me their new phone number. He agreed. His mom eventually gave it to my mom without knowing about this, I never noticed and we started the friendship we have today.

    This made me feel extremely betrayed, even though it was a long time ago, to know someone that I thought as a best friend and had been for years, that had even been to my house on multiple occasions, could have ever

    Could I get some advice? I am very conflicted at the moment and considered forever ending the friendship, even though a small part of me thinks of that as a mistake.

  2. #2

    Default

    Know that the way he treated you has nothing to do with who you are personally.

    The best you can really do is keep your side of the street clean on this topic. Acting out against him just is not worth the effort.

    Forgiveness is difficult in such cases, but think of it like this - you don't have to forgive him for his sake. If you are to forgive him, do so for your own well-being, because he probably won't give a fuck if you hold a resentment against him or if you forgive him. That means any resentment or anger you have will only hurt you in the big scheme of things.

    In short, this is a good time to practice walking the moral high road. Don't sink to his level - evolve above this situation, and you'll probably find that putting principles like this into practice will bring more friendly people in your direction.

  3. #3

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    Keep your distance but keep being his friend, be tread carefully knowing he has done that..
    about the popular crowd...i mean You cant Judge a person for wanting to fit in with every during their Teen years...Just give that time too.

  4. #4

    Default

    Thanks greatly for your replies.

    I forgave him for the popular crowd thing, but I just don't know if I want to give someone a third chance, I am just not comfortable with that. One of my not so close friends that was talking to me about it (trying to get some more advice) told me my so called "best" friend was in tears, but I just don't know.

    Thanks again, I truly and greatly appreciate any and all advice.

  5. #5

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    The event you just found out about happened 2 years before the "first" event. If it helps you feel better, think of it as one extended "pre-high school" issue. You could also think of the time you forgave him as a "starting over" (i.e. everything done before will be forgotten, known or unknown). He hasn't done anything to you recently, and we all make mistakes in lower grades.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by acmorgan View Post
    I am sorry if this is in the wrong category, I thought the mature topics would be the best place.

    I need advice, short version: My best friend betrayed me twice and I don't know if I should forgive him.

    long version:My best friend and I have know each other since the second grade (We are now in ninth grade). We have our fair share of fights, but we built our friendship around having serious debates without getting made at each other or anything like that, but in the seventh grade, he abandoned me for the popular crowd. I was the social outcast in the class he betrayed me in, was laughed at, treated like a horrible person constantly and was constantly rejected by the entire class and he didn't do anything for the entire school year.

    I forgave him eventually and gave him a second chance, knowing we all make mistakes, but I found out recently that after the fifth grade (I was going through some extremely rough times and he was my one true friend who was always there for me) when he moved, he got a new phone number and his brother suggested to him I was a nuisance and could get rid of me by not giving me their new phone number. He agreed. His mom eventually gave it to my mom without knowing about this, I never noticed and we started the friendship we have today.

    This made me feel extremely betrayed, even though it was a long time ago, to know someone that I thought as a best friend and had been for years, that had even been to my house on multiple occasions, could have ever

    Could I get some advice? I am very conflicted at the moment and considered forever ending the friendship, even though a small part of me thinks of that as a mistake.
    Twice? No.

    Well, let me ask you: what do you consider qualities of a "best friend?"

    I wouldn't consider these things a "betrayal," but you know ... I'm no longer 15 years old. I'll leave you with the ten-thousand-dollar question: as-described, do the qualities this guy has make for someone with whom you would want to connect yourself? For me, the answer here is "no." For you, it may be "yes."



    The short version of this ^^ is as follows: forgive him--this is for you--then move on. Find people who will really be your friend and value you. Teen years are a pain in the ass enough without additional drama in the mix.

  7. #7

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    I would simply cease contact with him. You may never forget him; and some day he may try to be friends with you again, in which you may give it another shot.

  8. #8

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    Always forgive man. Forgive people as much as you'd like to be forgiven for stuff you did. Guy did some super lame things, but whatever. You were in grade five and seven? You were kids, and in the one case, getting in to them teen years. Teenaging can be fantasitcally awful and high school is insane. This guy may have done some jerk things to you, but whatever, you've probably had way more good things in your relationship than bad. Don't let him abuse you, and if you really think that the friendship is harmful on any sort of level, you can stop hanging out with this guy until you're both at a maturerer place, but ya know, he's still a people. People are terrible and screw up all the time. Gotta forgive them, cause grudges are tragic and counter-productive.

  9. #9

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    I start work very very soon, so I just read the short version, and this is what I would say to that, when I come home I'll read the long version and see if my advice changes!

    If you're not sure whether to forgive him or not, then chances are you probably should, you just need time to cool off for a while. If he's your best friend, then unless it involved murder or rape, it's probably worth hanging on to him!

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Slang View Post
    Always forgive man. Forgive people as much as you'd like to be forgiven for stuff you did. Guy did some super lame things, but whatever. You were in grade five and seven? You were kids, and in the one case, getting in to them teen years. Teenaging can be fantasitcally awful and high school is insane. This guy may have done some jerk things to you, but whatever, you've probably had way more good things in your relationship than bad. Don't let him abuse you, and if you really think that the friendship is harmful on any sort of level, you can stop hanging out with this guy until you're both at a maturerer place, but ya know, he's still a people. People are terrible and screw up all the time. Gotta forgive them, cause grudges are tragic and counter-productive.
    This. I was stupid as a kid too, but my sis (BFFLs) and I are still the best of friends. We've both had character developments and we have different morals, but you gotta forgive him because you can still be best friends 78% of the time.

    Unless he hurts you BADLY (as in, not the teenager 'popular crowd' thing). Then just ignore him and karma will fuck him over for you. :P

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