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Thread: Forgiveness - I finally figured it out!

  1. #1

    Default Forgiveness - I finally figured it out!

    Well, kinda.

    I had to come to accept that I carried a lot of dirt around in my soul, and I had to keep running away from the consequences of my own actions, admit where I was wrong, and accept that while I was a victim many times in my youth, most of the time, as an adult, that was not from the case. I had a major part to play in my own misfortunes.

    Most of the people who I perceived as being assholes over the years were really just handling the situation the best they knew how to.

    There were some truly malicious folk I have encountered over the years, but those people are a minority in the world around me these days. And their maliciousness really had nothing to do with me, even if they forced it into my face. In many ways, I had a malicious streak within me - I kept on hurting myself just to get the attention of those around me. If that's not malicious, I don't know what is.

    I had to face my wrongs, admit them where applicable, make sincere apologies where I still reasonably could, and then forgive myself. This process is pretty far from easy.

    If one cannot forgive himself, how can he forgive another?

    Everybody has some dirt on his soul, everybody has hurt another intentionally at some point in his life.

    Granted, for some people, that dirt is a lot filthier than it is for others.

    But I am not forgiving the truly malicious folk for their sake. I am forgiving them to release the power they continued to hold over me just by me thinking and obsessing angrily over the things they have done.

    And it works.

    So, I will end this armchair philosophy rant here.

  2. #2

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    Living a Life That Matters, by Harold S. Kushner, comes to mind.

  3. #3

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    I too have been in the processing of understanding forgiveness, though I had not reached the point you have. I am, however, very happy to know that there are people in this world who can put forgiveness into perspective rather than simply letting go of things because "it's the right thing to do".

    I've pinned a lot of blame in my life on other people for how my life turned out, and a quarter of the time, it was legitimately their fault. But understanding they they didn't intend for me to turn out the way I did and also realizing that i've brought a lot of problems on myself makes forgiving someone much easier. Plus it eases one's conscience a lot, which i've been needing to do for a looooooonnnnngggggg time.

    Thank you for this insightful view into the philosophy of forgiveness =)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post

    Living a Life That Matters, by Harold S. Kushner, comes to mind.
    I honestly can't say I ever heard ot it. Would it be worth looking up? Or am I misreading your comment completely?

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by KaworuVsDrWily View Post
    I honestly can't say I ever heard ot it. Would it be worth looking up? Or am I misreading your comment completely?
    It'd be worth looking up and reading, yes.

  6. #6

    Thumbs up Non-forgiveness only hurts you.

    Non-forgiveness only does damage to you, not the person that you are upset with. It is like kicking something very hard to hurt yourself even more, just because someone hurt you. In some cases, the person who wronged you may not even be aware that they have offended you.

    The internal pain of not forgiving someone can be buried deep into your soul and can accumulate with other offences to surface later in life to reek havoc often in the form of repressed anger, (like over reacting to minor upsets). This can occasionally result in a negative mind set, life style, which becomes the normal life paradigm.

    Forgiving someone is not agreeing with the actions or words of the offender.

    Forgiving someone sets you free from the negative mental results (short and long term) of not forgiving them. But it is not natural, effortless, quick or easy.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to recognize any part of the situation where you maybe at fault. Forgiving yourself can be at times the most difficult thing of all.

    Depending on the circumstances, forgiveness can be anywhere from hard to seemingly impossible. But in general it is a good strategy to cultivate through out your whole life and yes, I am still working on it in mine also.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by johnyABinAUS View Post
    Non-forgiveness only does damage to you, not the person that you are upset with. It is like kicking something very hard to hurt yourself even more, just because someone hurt you. In some cases, the person who wronged you may not even be aware that they have offended you.

    The internal pain of not forgiving someone can be buried deep into your soul and can accumulate with other offences to surface later in life to reek havoc often in the form of repressed anger, (like over reacting to minor upsets). This can occasionally result in a negative mind set, life style, which becomes the normal life paradigm.

    Forgiving someone is not agreeing with the actions or words of the offender.

    Forgiving someone sets you free from the negative mental results (short and long term) of not forgiving them. But it is not natural, effortless, quick or easy.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to recognize any part of the situation where you maybe at fault. Forgiving yourself can be at times the most difficult thing of all.

    Depending on the circumstances, forgiveness can be anywhere from hard to seemingly impossible. But in general it is a good strategy to cultivate through out your whole life and yes, I am still working on it in mine also.
    Very well said - maliciousness truly does eat us alive.

    Makes me think of a clip from the "Interpreter" movie with Sean Penn...check it out. YouTube - Sean Penn/Nicole Kidman- clip from The Interpreter

    "Revenge is a lazy form of grief" - brilliant line.

  8. #8

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    I second cm90210's comments. You said part of what I was trying to say in much clearer language than what I could come up with, so thanks for that, JohnyABinAUS.

    Yeah, the only time a resentment truly hurts its target is when the resentment is against oneself. And I had a LOT of that going on.

    It's nice to know that I never really had to live that way.

  9. #9

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    I will never forgive the person in my life who caused me so much suffering and pain. Never. I will take my hate to the grave. Some things can and should be forgiven. However, some things never can be.

    Sean

  10. #10
    maffew

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    You don't have to forgive evil people, but you also don't have to choose to carry the hate with you, sometimes putting up a wall and keeping the unforgivable people out of your life is the best choice.

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