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Thread: Incontinence and Frustration

  1. #1

    Default Incontinence and Frustration

    For various reasons, primarily PTSD, I am experiencing increasing urinary incontinence. I find this very frustrating because it poses quite a few limitations on my life and activities, not to mention how inadequate I feel when I am with my friends. They don't notice that I am wearing diapers, though some know about it because I told them. I received either understanding and compassion or indifference from those I've mentioned it to. Yet I still feel "less-than" when I am around them, especially when I have accidents, even though they don't notice. The limitations are numerous but include: limiting time spent at friends homes because I am afraid to change in their bathrooms; not going out for too long because I am afraid to change in an open-stall public restroom; having to know where all the bathrooms are in town and where it's safe to change; putting up with changing my diapers all day; living with the damp feeling a lot of the time, etc.

    My questions are for other incontinent people. How do you handle the frustration all this entails? What kinds of things do you do or tell yourself to raise your self-esteem? Hoe do you relate to your friends and family? What do you do to reduce the level of limitation - or can you?

    These are important questions for me. I've had some incontinence all my life, and it has progressed. I can still get to the toilet for bowel movements most of the time, yet I rarely make it to the toilet to urinate, though I do make an effort.

    I appreciate your responses.
    Thanks,
    MG

  2. #2

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    While I cannot speak from the view of someone with inncontance I can offer you life advice. I was born with a visual disability that has left me with the same feelings of inadaquicy. You are at a bit of an advantage (being an abdl) because it is a way to deal with the fact you are wearing diapers.

    I wish self confidence is something I could pass out like candy, but it is not so. Just start thinking about your incontance as a minor part of your life. My visual disability has a big affect on my life, but I have accepted that I cannot change my disability and must play the hand I am delt.

    You are also fortunate to have friends that sound like they are indifferent about your problem. Why not confide some of your feelings in one of them? If you have a good friend they will reassure you that you are doing good, and that they care. We care too, that's why you joined a support community.

  3. #3

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    I've been urge incontinent all my life. From an early age, I've also wanted to stay in diapers because of it (and regress on occasion). I've dealt with it mostly through integrating diapers into my everyday life, yet knowing that I'm different from most others. I keep my diapers discreetly in a changing backpack and do what I need to do when necessary. Wearing diapers for so long, it's become second nature for me. However, it has not kept me from being active and social.

    As a young adult (who went through the 80's post-punk period), I decided I don't care what others think of me. That includes my family. I've been dealt the cards that I have and that's that. It doesn't mean I'm thrilled to be incontinent or have not tried searching for Doctors who could fix me. I have. At this point, though, I've just slapped my diapers on and moved on. A couple things I've learned.... Wearing the most absorbent diaper you can afford helps tremendously with confidence. To put it bluntly, cheap diapers suck (and leak).

    Like some other incontinent people, humor and abdl play probably go a long way to help cope with this. Probably the hardest thing to deal with is loneliness and lack of understanding from others. Support from others is one of the main reasons I'm on this site. Keep your chin up and pm me if you want.

  4. #4

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    Moose - what Powderhair and Spaz said about 'playing the hand that was delat' is pretty much just it. It's going to take time. You already got the most common response people will give when it comes to you wearing. Ppl basically don't care. The only time they really get 'feelings' is when you mention AB with it. Then for them it is a whole different meaning. Besides that you already learned nobody cares if you wear or not. If you worry too much about what other ppl who do or might react then it makes it just that much harder. When all is said an done, you are you and if someone else can't except you then most likely they don't need to be in your life. If it's from someone you don't know then just see it as it's good they aren't someone in your life - not that you would have them anyways. Shallow ppl suck.

    Self confidence from the way I see it is something that comes from the first word. Self. You are who you are, I am who I am. What someone else thinks of me wearing diapers isn't something that I run around telling everyone and I do stay very discreet about it not so much for what they may think but because it's a private thing for me. Same as my AB side I keep that private to the same way. If someone does find out about either, and many have one way or other then it just becomes a way to find out if they are friends or shallow morons. There has been some that was even interested to a point. They would ask questions then that was about it. Sorta like they increase their knowledge and was satisfied and didn't bring it up again. It is kinda funny when someone else later tho makes a comment (not knowing) like "stop acting like a baby" or "jeez that guy needs his diaper changed" in front of them I get this sorta 'inside joke look' and just smile.

    Inadequacy - I'm not really one to talk here much because I have this problem for a few reasons most likely stuff you don't have to worry about but I still understand they way I should feel (like easier said then done). What I 'should' feel is a stronger feeling of even what I just said before. 'Who cares, no one.' and even when I feel that way I think back to this site and others where I would want to tell someone else little things that I 'know' but just have to keep telling myself over and over until it sinks in. I guess this is just another example of 'it takes time'. Feeling less than by definition should be the same as inadequacy but I kinda see it on a different level. I don't feel 'less like a man or boy' because I have to wear. Actually diapers are a very little part of what makes me feel 'little' when I regress. It's more mindset and other things like a paci or bottle or thumb sucking and how I see myself and feel. So just the diapers alone shouldn't have so much power over you to make you feel that way. I have problems 'getting it up' that plays a bigger part of me feeling that way. Totally separate. I still know what you mean tho because I did go thru that - sorta like a phrase stage - and it will pass. Just like there will be times if not already that you now an then hate having to wear them because it just gets so dang old. Then things get back to 'normal' again.

    Changing in an open stall or public? Well, that really got to me for a while because until a couple years ago it wasn't really something I had to worry about much. And when you get really fast at it and enough times that someone walks in and hears you enough you sorta get numb to it... then finally just say skrew it. Like going to a store and buying them. At first you are soooo scared what ppl think. I had comments already in mind that I would say to anyone who dared say anything but never once got to use any of them. I even got upset because they were such great comebacks to make them feel horrible for saying anything! It took time. Now if I go in for diapers, bottle, paci, wipes, powder, baby lotion or whatever then I don't think of it any more than buying a shirt or a screwdriver. I actually get more embarrassed buying toilet paper still. It is scary, then a challenge then ok to whatever to annoying to just another thing. The speed that happens is just up to you and how much you think about it (like freddy kruger, the more you believe it's a problem the more power you give it.)

    Family, well I may have a better time with this than most anyone so I won't even go into it. Prolly better for someone else to explain. Self-esteem - like I was saying before about comments I had ready for anyone that looked at me wrong or said something. I think this more than anything gave me that power and self-esteem because I was ready to turn it around on them instantly. I had a bazooka to their spork attack!

    Limitations? None really that I can think of. I live my life just like anyone else would I guess. I don't wear some kinds of clothes. I don't go somewhere I need to wear shorts or a swimsuit and won't be able to get in the water. I don't go bike riding. I do: wear at night, change for the morning, go to work, do whatever all day then go do whatever with ppl from work or other Furs/AB's that I get to see here. I do whatever they do and no one sees anything unless I want them to. (the other AB's) At the movies, they miss parts I don't. When on long road trips and someone needs to stop for potty break, I only go in if I need to change. No difference there, right? Btw, I think you'd be surprised how many truck stops have diapers in the trash!

    Bowel problems I only have once in a while but probably not enough to really comment on other than what I read others say. Chlorophyll tablets, large flushable wipes and retaping around the waist and up thru the crotch with masking or painters tape to help seal in smells and leaks. (I also do this kind of taping if I'm going to the movies, park, festival or some place I know I might leak from lots of activity and not much restroom time.)

    I hope somewhere in there is at least a little piece of advise that might help And in post or private I'll always be happy to help in any way I can

  5. #5

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    How do you handle the frustration all this entails? Being a babyfur, my regression brings to me hope and self esteam, where before i felt same as you both lesser and ashamed.. my thoughts of shame after wetting turned to childish pleasure... as soon as i took comfort in my disability... the better things got... my parents saw such a dramatic change in my emotions i turned after being caught on this site and another one- when they accepted me for it... i dramatically got better and less shy and less sad and stuff.


    What kinds of things do you do or tell yourself to raise your self-esteem? I tell my self its okay because im just a little girl and it doesnt matter because all toddlers like me cant help it and my friends and family wont judge me for it because its normal.

    Hoe do you relate to your friends and family? My family supports my methods of coping and accept me for who i am. My friends understand me and enjoy playing with my babyfur side... everyone finds me cute and special for who i am and its very heartwarming.

    What do you do to reduce the level of limitation - or can you? I cant... im dependant on my family completely, and above that currently im i have been in the hospital for over a month now... it hurts inside but i have to do what i have to do.. Aside from that plan ahead-bring extra supplies, and make sure your friends and family are aware of your situation and if you need to "freshen up" soon.

    Just be as strong as you can, your special for who you are dont let your disability overcome you, let your self overcome that disability and make it an ability instead.

    Best wishs,

    Chiharu.

  6. #6

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    so right Chiharu - I forgot to talk about how having 'little-time' was/is a really good way to help me 'cope' with it. Besides pretty much all of the time *hehehe* When I get really frustrated and start to focus on the negative side of diapers then I just kinda start playing with my 'triggers' and before I know it I'm happily regressed and very content with wearing. It's just a part of me being 'little' but still an important one. I really like the way you worded 'i took comfort in my disability'.

  7. #7

  8. #8

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    Thanks you guys. It feels so good to have friends like you who understand so well.

    I like regressing too and I am happier that way. I don't get so angry or aggressive when I am little. Actually I am always little, but sometimes my littleness is overshadowed by the overprotective parent who also lives within me. I can see that it's OK to be little inside. And by allowing myself to be little, I do feel better about myself and the fact that I need to wear. It's not my fault.

    A part of my personality - and it's a big part, stayed two-and-a-half. The reasons are unclear, but I didn't plan for this to happen. So like others have said, I need to play the cards I've been dealt and take comfort in my disability. It's really kinda fun being little. It's just that I was beat up so much when I really was two-and-a-half, that I still expect that kind of contempt from others, especially those I really care about.

    It is taking me a long time to learn that this is not the case. I have shared the fact of my incontinence with friends, family and even acquaintances (when their situation was similar to mine). In every case, diapers were a non-issue. It has been very important that I stop trying to keep all this a deep dark secret. I am still very discreet, but my disability is no longer a secret I keep all to myself. Yet I don't use the term AB/DL with anyone except the folks on this site. I don't expect others to understand it. Hell - I don't even understand it!

    Anyway, thanks again for your kindness.

    MG

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    I've been urge incontinent all my life. From an early age, I've also wanted to stay in diapers because of it (and regress on occasion). I've dealt with it mostly through integrating diapers into my everyday life, yet knowing that I'm different from most others. I keep my diapers discreetly in a changing backpack and do what I need to do when necessary. Wearing diapers for so long, it's become second nature for me. However, it has not kept me from being active and social.

    As a young adult (who went through the 80's post-punk period), I decided I don't care what others think of me. That includes my family. I've been dealt the cards that I have and that's that. It doesn't mean I'm thrilled to be incontinent or have not tried searching for Doctors who could fix me. I have. At this point, though, I've just slapped my diapers on and moved on. A couple things I've learned.... Wearing the most absorbent diaper you can afford helps tremendously with confidence. To put it bluntly, cheap diapers suck (and leak).

    Like some other incontinent people, humor and abdl play probably go a long way to help cope with this. Probably the hardest thing to deal with is loneliness and lack of understanding from others. Support from others is one of the main reasons I'm on this site. Keep your chin up and pm me if you want.
    ::Points 'UP'::

    Listen to Spaz, for he is Wise!

    :-)

    Can't add 'More' to this, but wanted to offer some support too!

    B.

  10. #10

    Default

    I can't speak from an "incontince" standpoint, but I did have my appendix out the old-fashioned way after it exploded like the Death Star Nov. 1. I've been extremely physically limited in the time since, and since my friends are used to me being a 260-pound bruiser, I've had to just make a joke of my extreme limitations. Saying things like, "Make sure to watch your mouth, jackass. I can't do shit if it things turn bad." Or telling my wife that she could win a fight with me with just one finger--because it's true. lol

    But then I tend to handle most things with humor. I don't suffer long. I had my wife cracking up fresh from propyphol in the recovery room. "That just convinced me...when you die, you just die. There's nothing after this."

    I don't know what your personality is, but I would try to just handle it with a laugh. Bodies break down. Maybe your problem is mental. Brains break down, too. It can't be helped. It sucks that you're going through it, but we're probably all going to deal with some level of incontinence at some point in our lives. As long as you're realistic with yourself and keep in mind that you're going through something your friends will also, that should make it easier to deal with.

    We're all in these dumb bodies. They don't last as long as we'd like. It's kinda funny, in a bittersweet way. Try to keep that in mind. At least you know you're alive, huh?

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