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Thread: So this is happening a lot on the fourms

  1. #1

    Default So this is happening a lot on the fourms

    So while perusing the forum the past few weeks, I've noticed there have been a ton of replies to some posts put up mainly about bullying and thinking about committing suicide. NO complaints about these posts at all, I'm really glad that they're coming to us, a supportive community, rather than just saying, "alright, no alternatives, time to off myself". But I have so much trouble with responding to these posts for some reason.

    Now I realize, at the time of posting this blog I have 77 posts. Not a ton of posts and yes, I'm complaining about not being able to post.

    When I was in middle school, it was the first, and really the last time, I ever dealt with a bully. I had a few teachers that didn't care and one ended up sicking an entire class on me (he told them it was all it was okay to beat me up or call me names because I was "sensitive"). One kid even broke my arm and he only got 2 days of suspension after said teacher vouched for him saying I antagonized him (a 75 lb 4'8" kid antagonizing a 130 lb 5'3' kid? I think not!). After that, I never really got bullied again, mainly because I left the school, but anyways.

    I know high school is hard. I'm in it. It sucks. I have pretty much zero friends at my school, because all my friends graduated a year before me (no I didn't fail, I skipped a grade and kept going and then when I left my middle school I got pushed back a grade). Yes I deal with the occasional jerkoff at my school, but I never EVER got beaten up my entire freshman year or sophomore year and I will admit, an ass-whupping would have done me some good. I was in band, both of the years previously mentioned, but even after that no one has messed with me and as far as I know, bullying just doesn't really happen in my school because most people just don't care enough.

    I mean I totally get the suicide threads. TOTALLY. I'VE BEEN THERE. NOT FUN. I've planned out suicide to a tee several times before. Drawn out plans, gotten supplies, planned times, planned out how for my body to be found, wrote multiple wills, but never went through with it. I GET THAT. But I didn't do it because someone drove me to it or I was stressed out, it was always because I felt emotionally dead on the inside. Yes I was depressed, but I never realized it. I just never felt anything and no one did that to me. I made myself feel that way by withdrawing from people. No one shut me out. I shut them out.

    So here's the real issue, I always feel bad about posting on these threads because I feel like I can't relate (with the exception of suicide)NO complaints about the posts or the replies or anything, but for instance with the whole bullying thing, PEOPLE ARE LIEK SERIOUSLY GETTING HURT BY OTHER KIDS! This doesn't happen, repeat DOES NOT happen at my school!!! And I feel so terrible for trying to post on these because when I compare their stories to my experiences, my little time with bullies was a freaking cake walk and I feel like I have to exaggerate even to level with them! Not calling anyone out, but I mean some of these stories are kind of unbelievable (both in the sense of I can't believe that happens and in the sense of WTF that almost sounds like bullshit). I realize it's not BS in any way because of the way these kids post on here asking, almost kind of begging, for advice to help them through this.

    Do not get me wrong I totally sympathize with the OPs of these threads, but if I try to post on them, I make myself feel like such a dick. If I've offended anyone I apologize, not my intention to offend, I'm just honestly kind of mixed about the whole thing. I feel like I can never say the right thing to these kids, when they are most vulnerable, without coming off as a careless asshole with a message that says "I went through that crap! It sucked fo sho! It gets better though, just sift past the shit and you'll be fine down the road!" I don't want to be that guy who says "this" and comes off like a prick.

    I mean does anyone else feel this way to where they feel like they can't post on these?

    Also real quick: Thanks to everyone who does post on these threads. You honestly give me something to shoot for when it comes to being helpful on the forums and giving advice.

    To the people that post these threads: I know you've heard it, it gets better. At 14 I planned to kill myself on a weekly basis. Don't even think about it. It's a waste of your time and effort that you could be using to have fun or finding a way to get back at bullies (I suggest pumping some iron and beating the crap out them, or just find a weapon). Join a club, pick up an instrument, pick up women/men/ what it is you want to do, paint, write, do anything to get yourself with a clique or group and do it now while you're still young in your high school career. Harness your teen angst and redirect it into something you enjoy doing. I'm so sorry I don't post on your threads, but I support you guys 100% and I'm always ready to PM.

  2. #2

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    Dude, just cause you didn't go though stuff as bad as the person, doesn't mean you shouldn't say anything. I don't know about anyone else, but knowing that someone went though something even similar to what I have gone though or am going though, makes me feel a lot better.

  3. #3

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    I just feel terrible posting it because when I went through that stuff, all I ever got told was " I went through the same stuff. I know exactly how you feel!" and I would always get pissed off because they wouldn't know EXACTLY how I felt (and I still stand by that same idea that no one can ever feel exactly as you do). Maybe it's just me, but half the time I don't want to hear about other people's situations when they're giving me advice. I want advice based on my problems, not theirs. The same feeling goes for me giving advice. I'd rather give you advice based on what's going in your situation instead based on how I handled mine.

    When I read these threads, I never want to write "I know what you're going through" or try to give advice for the situation just because 1. the person is going through a lot already. They don't need any extra crap for one more person 2. They might have already heard it before. 3. I 9/10 do not know the whole situation and might be giving the worst advice ever.

    I've been meaning to post this for a while now because of all the recent postings and I feel bad for not posting on them, but it's really for you guys to know that I'm a totally supportive member of this community with similar experiences as you guys and even if I don't directly acknowledge your threads, I read all of them and I'm here.

    I know this post is confusing. I'm confusing. and confused. kind of.

  4. #4

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    I agree it's no easy task to respond to these types of threads. I'm always worried I'm gonna say the wrong thing that sends them over the final edge. It doesn't help I have a very blunt approach to how I handle things and the majority of the time people don't take my advice for what it truly is.

    I been taking the easy approach and just point them in the direction of my life story that I posted on this forum when I first joined. The way I see it, to know you're not alone is already a step in the right direction to getting them the help they may need. They see someone like me, connect the different ages in my story, and of course the obvious fact that I'm still alive. The goal would be to get them to see "If I can get through it, you will to".

    Oh and to throw it out there. Very nicely written post. I can tell you took time with this one and I just want you to know it hasn't gone unnoticed.

  5. #5

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    I know exactly how you feel.......jk. I do agree with you though. When people want/need advice, the want/need advice, not someones story. I have to admit I'm guilty of doing this sometimes, but I do give advice to people. It also doesn't matter if you post or not, just that they know your there for them is sometimes enough. Don't feel bad about not posting though.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by statik View Post
    I agree it's no easy task to respond to these types of threads. I'm always worried I'm gonna say the wrong thing that sends them over the final edge. It doesn't help I have a very blunt approach to how I handle things and the majority of the time people don't take my advice for what it truly is.

    I been taking the easy approach and just point them in the direction of my life story that I posted on this forum when I first joined. The way I see it, to know you're not alone is already a step in the right direction to getting them the help they may need. They see someone like me, connect the different ages in my story, and of course the obvious fact that I'm still alive. The goal would be to get them to see "If I can get through it, you will to".

    Oh and to throw it out there. Very nicely written post. I can tell you took time with this one and I just want you to know it hasn't gone unnoticed.
    I feel like I try to go a similar route and I always end up editing half my post (before I even post it) cause I believe I sound so insensitive to the people I'm trying to help. I totally get that people will help people by sharing similar experiences and stories and such. The only problem I have with giving advice like that is that it seems to kind of put the spotlight on the other person. By telling their story, they're almost detracting from the situation at hand. I really don't mind people who give advice like that (I can't be mad at them because they're only trying to help in the way they see best fit), but I for one just feel there has to be somewhat of a better way for me to give advice on these posts.

  7. #7

    Default

    Putting your thoughts,feelings,opinions down in print comes easy/natural for some and not so easy even difficult for others (me). I also read all these posts and empathize as I've been there too. I was picked on/bullied all through middle school and am a bit of a pacifist so I just took it and never fought back.

    That and the many years of B/DL stuff with no support or knowledge that I wasn't alone in this left me with little to no self esteem and more than once thoughts of suicide. Somehow I got through it. I still battle with the low self esteem and struggle to find the self, the real me that was lost and buried so long ago. This site and all the great people in it are a real help with that.

    I can only imagine and dream what thing's would be like now if ADISC had been around for me then. It really is a godsend for Teens today.

    Damn, lost my thoughts..... *kicks brain*

    I too feel bad about not being able to properly reply to some of these threads, as I get a lot out of ADISC and wish I could give more back.

    For all you posters, I guess I can just say for every reply you get, there are many many more reading and pulling for you that just don't have the means or skill to properly reply. Just know that we are here, we are many, and all here for each other.

    HellHound thanks for a great post, as statik said you put some time and thought into it and it shows.

  8. #8

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    You are confused--and hence posting "confusing" things--because you have bought in to one of the Great Myths of our Post-Post-Modern World of Shit: the myth that, unless you have "been there," you cannot observe, aid, assist, help, adjust, advise, console.

    Bluntly: you can never know what it is like to be another person. You can never know what they are thinking. Does this mean that you cannot share insights or otherwise have conversation? No. Nor does this stop you from driving--remember, you don't know if the car next to you is driven by someone who will ram you "just because" she feels like it--or from doing any one of a thousand activities in your daily life.

    We can do our best and try to meet people as they are. Granted, on the forums, as all we have is written content somewhat bereft of context, two things emerge:
    1. It may be more difficult to glean intent from language here;
    2. As language is all we have, when it is butchered or perverted, it also perverts what we're trying to do here and makes a mockery of the whole exercise. Think of this like being blindfolded, bound, and gagged and being told to go through 3 hours of your day in this fashion.

    Do not buy into the myth. You can comment on things that you have not directly experienced; it's what anyone does when trying to share anything with another.

  9. #9

    Default

    I will admit to being the kind of "asshole" who gave the "I went through a similar Hell" messages in some of these threads. I will admit to reading them and feeling a lot of the pain when I did read them, as I did go through most of the same similar experiences that a lot of these posts described..... My intent in my words was more of a "you are not alone in this" than anything else, I really did not mean to be a condescending asshole.

    The message I am trying to deliver is that it is possible to pick oneself up even in the depths of a personal Hell, not just to say "sift through it, everything will be alright on its own in time". Without action to climb out of one's own pit, the pit will just get deeper and deeper over time - anybody who says otherwise is truly misguided.

    I chose to pick myself up a few months ago, and I feel somewhat obliged to share what I have learned wherever I could in the hopes that it could help another. Now I wonder if I have been doing it all wrong. Heh.

  10. #10
    Butterfly Mage

    Default

    Sometimes I don't know what to advise. I know that a combination of antidepressants and counseling helped me out a lot. Ditching Christianity for Wicca also helped a great deal. But it's hard to say "get help" without sounding pithy or condescending. And I absolutely can't recommend changing religions because Wiccans are not supposed to actively recruit.

    There have been situations where I have wanted to help but I just don't know how to do so.

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