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Thread: The only downside

  1. #1

    Default The only downside

    Okay, so I have posted in a few places about having told my brother. His reaction has been STELLAR. We talk about it, and he takes me seriously and doesn't judge, and we can joke about it.

    In fact he was teasing my a minute ago, and said something to the affect of "Oh do you want your binky".

    I just smirked, and said "Got one", the look on his face was priceless. Like he meant for his comment to be funny because he didn't expect me to say that.

    It has been GREAT, I am really glad I told him, and given the choice, I would do so again.

    Here's the ONLY downside, and I know he is right, and I know that most who read this will agree with him; he is really pressuring me to tell my fiance.

    I want to tell her so bad, but I don't know how to bring it up.

  2. #2
    Miku

    Default

    Just tell her your heard about something called ab/dl and talk to her about it. Gauge her reaction on thee idea and go from there. Thats all I can tell ya. Sorry if its nor helpful. Would type more but I'm on my iPod at a friends house.

  3. #3

    Default

    The important thing to determine for yourself is how much you trust your fiancee. Only you can answer that question. I took that leap of faith with my wife, and told her, and she accepted it quite well and even offered to be my caretaker once in a while. The way I approached it was to be in one of the real soul-searching conversations and tell her that I had something I needed to confide in her. I told her it was something uncomfortable, and unusual. I gave her every opportunity to not hear about this weird, strange, odd, etc etc aspect of myself, and she promised not to hold it against me or laugh or anything before I finally told her what it was. She was actually a little relieved, and thought it was kind of cute. She referred to it as revisiting my childhood.

    I'm not saying everything will go as well for you, and I was totally prepared to have a really awkward conversation. But, this was the person I was going to be spending my whole life with, and I had to feel that I could trust her with anything. I didn't want any part of my life to be totally hidden away like that.

    It may be a bit awkward of me to ask, but if you're not sure you can trust the person you plan to spend your whole life with to accept this quirky but harmless interest of yours, what else might cause problems? I was in an abusive marriage for 10 years, and only got out of it a few years ago, and part of the reason I ended up in that in the first place was by not really knowing who I was marrying, and as a side corollary, was with someone I didn't know that I could trust. I got it right the second time, and now know that having a partner who will accept and tolerate, if not always embrace, your interests is a key to a strong relationship.

    ---------- Post added at 04:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:28 PM ----------

    On a happier note, congrats on the good reception from your brother. It's always reaffirming to know that we can trust our family to still love us, even with our peculiarities.

    ---------- Post added at 08:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:31 PM ----------

    At the risk of whoring my own post, I'd like to add that my impression of the drama that always surrounds the "should I tell someone" question, and to a lesser extent the "should I wear in public" question, is almost always magnified in our minds far beyond reality. For the most part, this is not a major lifestyle revelation, even to immediate family. I know there are exceptions, and the younger you are, the greater the number of those exceptions. However, on the other hand, once you're past college age, no one need know except potential spouses, and maybe very close friends and then only if there is some overriding reason.

    As for wearing in public, except for teenagers where the peer pressure factor, image, and relationships with friends produce a very socially unstable environment, no one will really care. Most of us are going to be discrete anyway. The number of people who need diapers for legitimate medical reasons is probably a lot higher than most of us think, and most people will probably ascribe seeing someone in diapers to a medical reason rather than a kink.


    Full disclosure: I am not a therapist, doctor or other mental health professional, nor do I portray one in the media (and I didn't stay at a certain hotel chain last night either). These are my opinions and thoughts, not recommendations or directives, and are probably worth about what you paid for them.

  4. #4

    Default

    I hate to say it but he is right. Secrets just fester in the long run it is better to start a marriage off being honest because one day somehow she will find out and the longer it is the bigger the possibility of being deeply hurt but the secret can be.

  5. #5

    Default

    Cush is so very right(according to me and my story).
    A big deal for me was waiting for the right oppertunity, it took me about 1.5 years to get there. But I did,
    And I'm glad I did to. To read this in more detail I'll post the link to the thread beneath.

    Take notice that this worked for me, your results may differ!
    But do please take it as a positive note.

    My thread telling how I told my girlfriend:

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/teenbaby/...teen-baby.html


    Greetz,

    Spinerip

  6. #6

    Default

    Goggle when kids love diapers pick the good ones this may help that way it can help her under stand you are not the only one with this feeling.bitter gray is a good one.
    Just go slow do not push her.
    This can be hard for her to take . fox

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by hush View Post
    Here's the ONLY downside, and I know he is right, and I know that most who read this will agree with him; he is really pressuring me to tell my fiance.

    I want to tell her so bad, but I don't know how to bring it up.
    "Hey, before you commit the rest of your life to me, I have something that you need to know. Yes, I have lied to you up to now, but I now need to tell you something important..."

    Seriously. People deserve to know what they're getting when they commit their lives to each other.

    In other words, your question boils down to to tell, or not to tell. Oddly enough, this is the exact title of an article available here. My advice both there and here is that you must tell her ASAP.

  8. #8

    Default

    If your planning on have a serious relationship with her I’d tell her. I’ve been into the AB scene for a long time, and I can’t tell you how many divorces I’ve seen, all from not tell someone. If you really love her she has the right to know what she maybe getting into. If she really loves you then it won’t matter.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by hush View Post
    Okay, so I have posted in a few places about having told my brother. His reaction has been STELLAR. We talk about it, and he takes me seriously and doesn't judge, and we can joke about it.

    In fact he was teasing my a minute ago, and said something to the affect of "Oh do you want your binky".

    I just smirked, and said "Got one", the look on his face was priceless. Like he meant for his comment to be funny because he didn't expect me to say that.

    It has been GREAT, I am really glad I told him, and given the choice, I would do so again.

    Here's the ONLY downside, and I know he is right, and I know that most who read this will agree with him; he is really pressuring me to tell my fiance.

    I want to tell her so bad, but I don't know how to bring it up.
    Tell her yes, but break it to her gently, perhaps satrt by showing her a site like ADISC.org and see her reaction, you could mention that you know someone who likes diapers and see how she takes it. Go slowly from there, see if she freaks out or not.

  10. #10

    Default

    I agree, I always felt like I was hiding something and not being completely honest until I told her.

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