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Thread: Telling a non-AB/DL partner...

  1. #1

    Default Telling a non-AB/DL partner...

    I've come across sporadic posts touching on whether or not an AB/DL should tell a partner about being AB/DL.

    I'm not an AB/DL but met someone who confided in me and who I am now in a committed relationship with. For those of you who have told partners about being AB/DL (or non-AB/DL partners who were told), how did it happen? How did you tell your partner? How did he/she respond? Would you do it the same way if you had to do it over again?

    And for those non-AB/DL, what did you think? How did your partner tell you?

  2. #2

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    I think this would go better in "Adult Baby", or "Diaper Talk", as it's directly related to those topics.

    I haven't told a significant other, but one of my friends found out by watching a reality TV show and thinking I act like one of the guests. I also had a stalker who liked me who would accept that I eat people's heads if she thought I'd give her a chance, and she weaseled it out of me. Both were accepting of it, but it's not that hard to imagine me being like that, once you get to know me. I didn't really have to do anything to get them to accept.

  3. #3

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    I told my first girlfriend about a month in (The only person I've ever told irl), she didn't even act surprised and thought it was cute. As far as how I told her, I just told her that if she wanted to have a serious relationship that there are certain aspects about me she would need to know. Then with much embarassment I ackwardly proceeded to explain it the best I could.

    Unfortunately I wasn't ready for a relationship so it didn't work out in the end anyway.

  4. #4

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Damon Gant View Post
    it always ends in a sword fight in my experience
    Would you mind elaborating?

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by hush View Post
    Would you mind elaborating?
    Damon Grant do you mean that maybe it ends with an argue that could end the relationship? or just a joke?

    because you know for some people coming out it has just ruined the relationship but then if the person doesnt love you enough to accept it then it probably never would have worked out!

    So Demonmama your not an AB/DL then why do you want to talk to your partner about it? and why would it be so hard?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by hush View Post
    Would you mind elaborating?
    some stuff happens and then you fight with swords

    as in the bad kind of sword fighting in which you just look like you're hitting swords together and making lots of noise

    there's also lots of dramatic close up face shots too



    edit: whoever neg-repped me is a humourless idiot ERHHH IT'S OFF TOPIC ERRGHHH
    Last edited by Damon Gant; 30-Aug-2010 at 14:29.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mugiwara View Post
    So Demonmama your not an AB/DL then why do you want to talk to your partner about it? and why would it be so hard?
    It's not hard, we actually talk about it a lot - he introduced me to a few people in IRC chat rooms who weren't ab/dls but in relationships with one. At first, I had no problem with any of it but didn't really know what being an ab/dl was. I had one concern, because (i'll admit) stupidly I thought there may be some connection with pedophilia or something terrible had happened to him in his childhood that 'made him this way' but after he showed me a lot of information and I talked to a few people in the chat rooms (and later met his wonderful family) I know this isn't the case and being ab/dl is just like any other fetish.

    As for why I want to talk to my partner about it - shouldn't I? Being in a relationship includes pleasing/satisfying each other's wants and needs and if he is ab/dl I want to know how and what I can do to be a part of it... and what role I can play (if he wants me to) in any of his ab/dl fantasies.

    I was a little confused at your question (quoted above) Mugiwara - I guess, the point of this thread was just for me to get a better idea of how other ab/dl's communicate with non-ab/dl partners and their experiences introducing someone to the ab/dl world.

  9. #9

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    I have told 3 partners. My first wife prior to being married, a girlfriend, and my second wife (again prior to marriage). For my first wife it was before the internet (well except for prodigy 2400 baud modems!) so to be honest I thought I was the only one with this strange desire. I did not even know what a fetish was or infantilism. It is a little complicated because I also have cross dressing tendencies. For the second wife AOL and the internet were getting popular and my wife could read different articles and chat on AOL with others in a room called "diapers" that was there for quite a while.

    I can tell you for me, in each case telling them was extremely hard and stressful. Although I felt each one was somewhat open minded, if I thought it was weird then how would someone else feel? There was a lot of guilt as on one side you really want to be with the person you are telling, but at the same time deep inside you realize your feelings are not going to go away. There is a real fear of not just rejection, but what if they tell other people? There is an insecurity of them accepting, but not really accepting and it becoming an issue later as it did partially for my first wife. Everyone wants to be loved for who they are, quirks and all, and not feel they have to change for someone else.

    So how did I tell them? In all three cases it was in a relaxed setting with just the two of us and no expected disturbances. I started with that it very important that they know everything about me, both the good and bad. I explained that I had some "odd" desires and slowly explained the needs. I talked about acting out on these desires when I was younger up to including the current day. I talkied about things that I understood about my desires and even more about the things I did not understand myself. I tried to elicit questions from them to I could feel comfortable they had any doubts or concerns answered especially that this has nothing to do with children. The other most common question was....do you use them? For me just number 1, but that was tough to tell them as it was already bad enough wearing them, but I wanted to be open and honest.

    How did they react? Surprising all very similar. At first lots of questions, then somewhat apathetic about it, like no big deal. First wife would buy me diapers (no online yet) as I felt very self conscious buying them myself as I felt people would know they were for me. She would also help me with the cross dressing. We ended up growing apart for other reasons but when we split (she cheated on me) she told her parents about these things as the reason for splitting. The girlfreind thought it was cool maybe because she had her own freak flags and had somewhat dominating traits. She would change me, loved to bath me, and actually wore herself sometimes. My second wife responded much like my first however has never bought diapers. She is accepting and will buy wipes or powder when I need and will not comment (good or bad) whenever I wear. She does not participate in anyway and if we are going to be intimate, I have to take the diaper off before anything gets started.

    I think its great you want to be there for your partner and have an open mind enough to want to understand. The biggest thing for me is about feeling accepted for who I am, fetish needs and all. This is not an overwhelming part of my life but it is a part of me. I do wish I could talk more openly about my feelings (especially when in a binge or purge cycle) and I do wish my wife would participate in a more active manner however I am at least happy that I can indulge without having to hide.

    Best of luck to you as your relationship develops.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by DemonMama View Post
    It's not hard, we actually talk about it a lot - he introduced me to a few people in IRC chat rooms who weren't ab/dls but in relationships with one. At first, I had no problem with any of it but didn't really know what being an ab/dl was. I had one concern, because (i'll admit) stupidly I thought there may be some connection with pedophilia or something terrible had happened to him in his childhood that 'made him this way' but after he showed me a lot of information and I talked to a few people in the chat rooms (and later met his wonderful family) I know this isn't the case and being ab/dl is just like any other fetish.

    As for why I want to talk to my partner about it - shouldn't I? Being in a relationship includes pleasing/satisfying each other's wants and needs and if he is ab/dl I want to know how and what I can do to be a part of it... and what role I can play (if he wants me to) in any of his ab/dl fantasies.

    I was a little confused at your question (quoted above) Mugiwara - I guess, the point of this thread was just for me to get a better idea of how other ab/dl's communicate with non-ab/dl partners and their experiences introducing someone to the ab/dl world.
    Oh no I didnt know your boy friend was an ab/dl so that is why I was confused, like I thought if neither you or your boyfriend was an ab/dl then why the need to talk about it? but I get it now.
    but yeah as you said Im always trying to get a better idea of how other ab/dl's communicate with non-ab/dl partners and their experiences introducing someone to the ab/dl world!

    I must say though I find it awsome that you are so accepting of your boyfriend even becomming a member of this site to learn more about ab/dl!!

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