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Thread: Fear, rational or irrational?

  1. #1

    Default Fear, rational or irrational?

    Ok this came up in another thread and now I am curious.

    One of the main reasons I don't grow my "stash" by very much is that I am afraid of dying and having my family discover said stash and then thinking less of me after I am gone and not there to defend myself.

    Diapers could be explained, I had a bedwetting problem as a kid they would probably just draw a natural conclusion on that.

    But what about other things like pacis, sleepers etc.

    Anyone else have similar fears, what's your take on it?


    Mods: I am thinking this could be a mature topic, but not really sure, move it if you wish.

  2. #2

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    There's an old Zen saying that goes "Don't resist eating out of fear you might choke."

    In other words, you can spend your whole life worrying about what COULD happen, and soon find yourself barely living at all. Same goes to every part of your life. Rationalize it - if you die, you are dead. Whether your parents think any differently of you won't have much impact on your state of being dead. If they love you, like most parents, then they will be much more upset that you are dead, then if they found you were exploring/embracing some slightly less than "normal" identity.

    Just remember though to live for yourself, not anyone else - including your parents.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by BloodyElle View Post
    There's an old Zen saying that goes "Don't resist eating out of fear you might choke."

    In other words, you can spend your whole life worrying about what COULD happen, and soon find yourself barely living at all. Same goes to every part of your life. Rationalize it - if you die, you are dead. Whether your parents think any differently of you won't have much impact on your state of being dead. If they love you, like most parents, then they will be much more upset that you are dead, then if they found you were exploring/embracing some slightly less than "normal" identity.

    Just remember though to live for yourself, not anyone else - including your parents.
    That's amazingly good advice, and as simple and as logical as it is.. I never thought of it that way.

    You're absolutely right, thank you.

  4. #4

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    Not many people are gonna offer up much wiser than that, I think it's fair to say!

    Makes my twopenneth pretty moot now

    Dan x

  5. #5

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    You know, I kind of wonder the same thing sometimes. Quite honestly if I were to bite the bullet and make an early descent to the big ski resort in the sky (my "hope" of the afterlife), my family will find out quite a few things about me that I absolutely don't want to bring up to them; diapers being one, and well there's more than a few things relating to some of my other kinks hidden in my house that would easily be found. However my feeling is simple, everyone probably has their kinks and it's things we just don't talk about. If I bite the dust they'll probably simply find it, realize what they were, toss in the trash and never ever talk about it again with anyone else, so I'm not going to worry about it.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smurf View Post
    One of the main reasons I don't grow my "stash" by very much is that I am afraid of dying and having my family discover said stash and then thinking less of me after I am gone and not there to defend myself..
    Dead people can't get embarrassed and don't need to defend themselves. Nuff said there. Only need to worry about people finding your stash while you're still breathing.

    The only possible angle to think about is if you somehow scandalized your family or something like that. ("thinking of the people you leave behind") But that's rather unlikely.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smurf View Post
    Ok this came up in another thread and now I am curious.

    One of the main reasons I don't grow my "stash" by very much is that I am afraid of dying and having my family discover said stash and then thinking less of me after I am gone and not there to defend myself.

    Diapers could be explained, I had a bedwetting problem as a kid they would probably just draw a natural conclusion on that.

    But what about other things like pacis, sleepers etc.

    Anyone else have similar fears, what's your take on it?


    Mods: I am thinking this could be a mature topic, but not really sure, move it if you wish.
    You'll be dead. You can not be embarrassed when your dead. Why anyone should be embarrassed since you liked diapers, sleepers, pacifiers and whatever else is out of my realm of thought. People finding a sleeper you owned, diapers you used, etc is NOT going to be the end of the world. America didn't collapse on itself when JFK got killed, it grieved and moved on.

    If you are worried about what they will think you can either make a legal will, or leave a note as big as you want in your stash. It can explain what they find, why you liked it and most importantly why you felt like you had to hide it. If you do this I would suggest keeping it in a plastic bag to avoid deterioration and stuff. You can also write another one in case anyone finds it while your still alive.



    Quote Originally Posted by BloodyElle View Post
    There's an old Zen saying that goes "Don't resist eating out of fear you might choke."
    You, me and the TC are likely to all die at some point. When we do I can only assume all of us with have some kind of stash somewhere. Though I do agree with not worrying about it, since in the end it really won't matter to the deceased at all.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fire2box View Post
    You'll be dead. You can not be embarrassed when your dead.
    I wasn't really thinking of myself, I know I can't be embarassed after I die. Being an Atheist makes that a bit easier to accept.

    I guess it's more just that I am (rather ironically) looked upon as a pillar of strength and normality in my family, everyone comes to me for advice, and I always help them deal with their problems. I guess in a way I would want their memory of me to live on as to what it is now and I wouldn't want rumors spreading through my family that I was some kind of pervert.

    But, there are have been a lot of very good points made in this thread, and I believe it's one of the things I will need to get over if I am to truly accept myself for who I am.

    Thanks for your input everyone.

  9. #9

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    Honestly I was thinking about this earlier..... And I couldn't give a flying fuck!... this is me! If they found out like this then tada! Be surprised!. I just couldn't care less I'm dead!

  10. #10

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    My wife and I just had this conversation yesterday. She thought I should put my stuff in a box...maybe several boxes and mark them, throw out without looking inside. We thought we might tell our daughter about this. I have my doubts. My thought was when I get older, and if I'm seriously ill, it might be time to get rid of everything and just tough it out. My wife was concerned about the sudden death possibility, like us both getting killed in a car crash. It is something to think about, but I think you have to have the courage to live your life, and throw the possibilities to the wind.

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