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Thread: Hi All

  1. #1

    Default Hi All

    Hey Everyone,

    Introductions:

    I am 25 and I have been a DL (with some AB tendancies) as long as I can remember. Outside of diapers I live a relatively normal life, I have a good job, a college education, I like mountain biking and cars, I have some good friends (who know nothing about my secret), and a great family (who also know nothing).

    I discovered this site some time ago but never really took any time to look around until recently. The last few years I've been battling depression and trying to convince myself that I can be "normal". I would sometimes force myself to go without diapers for months on end, try to have girlfriends and be normal (and fail) and then finally cave and order more diapers. I would binge for a while and then feel disgusted with myself and stop for a long period of time (months), this cycle has repeated over and over since I was about 18.

    I graduated college a few years ago and got a great job, but it's very stressful and I have reverted to wearing diapers on the weekends again to help deal with stress. They have helped me so much more then I thought they ever could, it's turned into less of a physical desire and more of a comfort security thing recently. Because of this I am finally starting to accept who I am, and realize that I won't change and that I don't necessarily have to.

    How I discovered diapers:

    When I was a kid I wet the bed every night (not by choice) until I was 11 or 12. My dad also had bedwetting issues when he was a kid so he understood and always assured me it was normal and I would grow out of it (he was right). I didn't wear diapers to bed regularly (I was never given the option), I just had a plastic sheet and washed the bed daily. I remember waking up in a cold wet bed everyday and hating it.

    I didn't really get exposed to them or start to enjoy them until I was about 8 years old. We were going on a long (6-8 week) road trip for family reuinion and to tour the U.S. My mom suggested to me that it would be easier if I wore pullups or diapers to bed. I agreed but remember being embarassed and hesitant. Over the course of the trip I slowly grew to love the security, warmth and not waking up in a wet bed every day. After the trip I remember being disappointed that I couldn't continue wearing diapers, although I never asked if I could continue.

    From here on until I was about 16 I would just sneak whatever was left from the diapers we brought on the trip, or sneak the odd one from younger cousins/siblings, I even made my own out of towels and plastic bags for a while, although it wasn't the same.

    During this time I was active on DPF (before it turned into what it is now) and made some good friends that got me through a lot of rough times. At some point (probably when I was about 17 or 18) I started fighting myself and never went back to DPF or other AB/DL sites, I haven't spoken to these people since.

    Finally, when I was 16 and got my drivers license and first car, I would make excuses to go on roadtrips and buy depends (never could find attends ) in towns where nobody knew me. This was so hard for me and I chickened out a few times but finally managed to get real diapers, nobody in the stores cared what I was buying, and it was so worth it in the end. Now that I am older and live on my own I maintain a steady supply of high quality diapers either molicare or abena (Just recently ordered Bambinos!).

    My struggle:

    I find that I am not really physically attracted to other people, maybe just a little bit, but because of my peculiar interest in diapers I tend to avoid relationships and not let people get close. I am not sure how I am ever going to get over this. I desperately want to have a family of my own and a son/daughter to raise and carry on my name, but I just can't seem to get over this last hurdle in my life and build a real relationship with someone.

    I've only had one girlfriend, back in highschool, whom I told about my interest in diapers in the first couple weeks (the only person I've ever told). Surprisingly her reaction was not negative at all and she was still interested in a relationship. Somehow her knowing my secret really bugged me and made everything ackward, I put an end to our short relationship because of this, I haven't had a girlfriend since.

    I've thought about seeing a counsellor or phsychologist about my problems, but I feel that for them to help they need to know the whole story, and I've heard that they typically react negatively to AB/DL people. Has anyone had any experience with this?

    Has anyone overcome similar hurdles? Can you offer any advice?
    Last edited by Smurf; 02-Aug-2010 at 21:10.

  2. #2

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    Hi, first off welcome to ADISC! I'm actually really shocked this page has had 25 views and no one has even bothered to say "Hi", though maybe the long introduction intimidated them. I'll tell you, not only do you display more intelligence than most new members, but that was also a very heartfelt and well-written introduction.

    I'd like to say right off the bat: you certainly aren't alone in your struggle. I myself went several years convincied I was some kind of psycho pervert, desperately trying to supress my own feelings, all at the same time trying to maintain a number of normal relationships. Many of us here on ADISC have had problems similar to yours, it's a very common part of coming to accept yourself as a (*B/DL).

    The best and healthiest thing you can possibly do for yourself is to realize that you don't need therapy, you aren't "weird" or "crazy", and there's NOTHING wrong with being *B/DL, as long as you don't let it control your life.

    As for what you said here:


    Quote Originally Posted by kc85 View Post
    I would sometimes force myself to go without diapers for months on end, try to have girlfriends and be normal (and fail) and then finally cave and order more diapers. I would binge for a while and then feel disgusted with myself and stop for a long period of time (months), this cycle has repeated over and over since I was about 18.
    This is actually a very common occurance, it's called the Binge/Purge Cycle. My suggestion for that, if you're wanting to aviod a drastic Binge/Purge is not to binge in the first place. If you do whatever you do in moderation, and don't dwell on it too much, hopefully you will find you can achieve a happy balance of enjoyment and self-control, without the woes of constantly being on one side or another of the B/P Cycle.

    As for this part:


    Quote Originally Posted by kc85 View Post
    The last few years I've been battling depression and trying to convince myself that I can be "normal".
    Firstly, "normal" is totally subjective, in fact on this site, it's considered perfectly "normal" to have an interest in diapers, and almost "wierd" not to! Next, *B/DL/Infantalism tends to usually be much more than a sexual fetish, it's usually a deep-seated mindset of wanting to regress or to find comfort in a time when things were simpler.

    The fact that you've been battling depression most likely goes hand-in-hand with the fact you've been trying to convince yourself that you're "normal". My advice would be to try and think of yourself as a normal, functional person, and instead of thinking of your infantalism as a problem that needs to be dealt with, think of it as a trait or hobby that you enjoy, that you're perfectly content with, assuming you don't let it rule your thoughts and/or actions.

    I hope I'm not talking your ear off, but my heart goes out to you, as I've had very similar experiences in my life that were very emotionally painful to deal with, and I know where you're coming from.

    I'll end by once again welcoming you to ADISC, wishing you a good stay here, and giving you a quote from Sigmund Freud (A founder of modern psychology), that I hope will help you out.

    A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world. -Sigmund Freud.

    I hope this helped,
    --Descolada
    Last edited by Descolada; 03-Aug-2010 at 01:35. Reason: Spell check.

  3. #3

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    Hi Descolada,

    Thank you for your response, I think recently (the last couple months or so) I've finally started to realize that I don't need to change who I am, in fact I can't change who I am, so I might as well enjoy who I am, life is short afterall.

    I've been really stressed and anxious about my job the last few months, and that coupled with my own internal conflicts came close to causing what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown. In the past diapers were merely a sexual object for me. Recently I have found an amazing calming affect from diapers, this is an entirely new feeling for me and I think is an evolution in my mindset, it has helped me get through the last few months and open my mind to new ideas about myself.

    The main reason I came to ADISC was to talk it out with other people with similar feelings, make some friends, and maybe reconnect with old friends. I also hope that I may be able help younger people experiencing these feelings to deal with them better then I have.

    I've been aware of the ab/dl community for many years (since I was 13 or 14) but mostly avoided it save for a couple of years in highschool, I felt it fed my desires in a negative way. I realize now that's only because I had this inherent feeling that what I was doing was somehow wrong.

    Thanks again,

    kc

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by kc85 View Post
    I've finally started to realize that I don't need to change who I am, in fact I can't change who I am, so I might as well enjoy who I am, life is short afterall.
    Well put, I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm glad to hear you've come that far, that's a very profound realization that will end up saving you a lot of stress and worry. I came to a similar conclusion less than a year ago, and since then life has been much more enjoyable.

    On a lighter note, and a getting-to-know you basis, what are some of your mainstream interests and/or hobbies? Personally, I enjoy PC MMO games, fiction novels, and tinkering with pretty much anything electrical, the more complicated the better. (Not that I don't ever screw said item up irreversibly, Lol. That's how you learn though, eh?)

    If you have any other questions, or just want to talk, feel free to leave me a visitor message.
    Happy to help,
    --Descolada

    By the way, there's a "Live Chat" feature on the navigation bar (third button), check that out sometime, if you want. It tends to be more abstract and random, and less topic related, if not a fair bit less formal.

  5. #5

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    The only MMO I currently play is Eve, but am looking forward to Biowares star wars MMO next year (hopefully?).

    I like mountain biking, working on cars, driving, playing guitar, reading. I got super nerdy recently and started working on the endless star wars expanded universe books, they aren't the best in terms of writing, but the story is not bad.

    I am also a very hands on techy type person, basically I do all my own work on pretty much everything I own (cars, computers, household, etc). I am very engineering oriented which is probably why I went in to comp engineering as a career.

    Will definitely check out live chat sometime, thanks for the heads up.

    kc
    Last edited by Smurf; 03-Aug-2010 at 02:12. Reason: forgot stuff.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by kc85 View Post
    I am very engineering oriented which is probably why I went in to comp engineering as a career.
    Awesome, I'm a CAD/Engineering major in college.

    A couple of questions:

    1. Have you ever read the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind or the Ender's Game sequels by Orson Scott Card?
    2. Who's your favorite author? (It's hard to pick, I know, I'll take multiple answers.)
    3. What kind of car do you have?
    4. Do you like online multiplayer first-person shooters?

    Sorry for the barrage of questions, I'm an inquisitive guy.

  7. #7

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    I'll say hi as well kc85. I read your long intro as well. I think you can have a relationship with someone else and still experience your diaper fetish. I'm married and so I certainly do. You just have to find the right girl. Obviously it's not a first topic of conversation. You simply have to find someone who is extremely open minded.

    If you are dealing with a lot of depression and feel you can't have a relationship with someone else, even though you want a relationship, then I think you should see a professional. It's a different world than when I was young. However, a lot of psychologists or psychiatrists have not even heard of our fetish. It's hard to believe. You might have to shop around.

    On a completely different note, I'm a biker as well and enjoy our bike path here in Lynchburg. It was made from an old rail line and even has a tunnel, as well as several bridges. In one part of the trail you cross a bridge and ride out onto an island in the middle of the James River. You then cross over into another county. It's a great trail.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by kc85 View Post
    The only MMO I currently play is Eve, but am looking forward to Biowares star wars MMO next year (hopefully?).

    I like mountain biking, working on cars, driving, playing guitar, reading. I got super nerdy recently and started working on the endless star wars expanded universe books, they aren't the best in terms of writing, but the story is not bad.kc
    kc85-

    Thanks for the intro. I'm dealing with issues that are similar to those you described. I too have a hard time letting anyone get too close, despite the fact that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, or that I might want a family of my own at some point. I've seen a couple mental health professionals in my time, but haven't had the nerve to bring up ab/dl; I still contemplate it...not sure what I'd get out of counseling...

    I also wanted to follow up on your description of Star Wars expanded universe literature. They "aren't the best in terms of writing"? Cuh'mmmmooooooon.... Try anything by Stackpole. Sure, it blew my *adolescent* mind, but to this day I find myself tempted to go back and re-read all of the old favs.

    Welcome to ADISC. I hope you find some helpful conversation and advice here. I have.

  9. #9

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    Changed my username, sorry for any confusion! :P



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy
    If you are dealing with a lot of depression and feel you can't have a relationship with someone else, even though you want a relationship, then I think you should see a professional.
    Thank you for the advice, I will definitely consider it in the future. I am a problem solver by nature and in general want to analyze and solve my own issues, this one so far seems to be beyond me, so eventually if I have no sucess I will probably act on this advice.

    We have lots of great trails around here I am only starting to discover, I still have a couple more months to explore before the snow comes.



    Quote Originally Posted by Descolada

    Awesome, I'm a CAD/Engineering major in college.

    A couple of questions:

    1. Have you ever read the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind or the Ender's Game sequels by Orson Scott Card?
    2. Who's your favorite author? (It's hard to pick, I know, I'll take multiple answers.)
    3. What kind of car do you have?
    4. Do you like online multiplayer first-person shooters?

    Sorry for the barrage of questions, I'm an inquisitive guy.
    No worries...

    1. I have not read the Sword of Truth series, but I've been told it's worth the read, it's on my list.
    2. My favorite author is Wilbur Smith, hands down. If you ever want the most epic read you've ever had, pick up Birds of Prey and it's two sequels (Monsoon, and Blue Horizon), you will finish all 3000 pages in a month or so because you won't be able to tear yourself away.
    3. VW GLI
    4. Yea some, I find most to be pretty generic and horrible, BFBC2 is ok with friends but I feel like it could be so much better. Now that StarCraft II is out I'll be playing that for a while




    Quote Originally Posted by PostTenebrasLux View Post
    kc85-

    I've seen a couple mental health professionals in my time, but haven't had the nerve to bring up ab/dl; I still contemplate it...not sure what I'd get out of counseling...
    Agreed, I have only ever seen a pscyhologist once which was mandatory after a work related accident and rehab. She showed me some relaxation techniques which still help me today. Beyond that I am also not really sure as to what I would get out of it, and not sure I could muster the nerve to tell them what they would likely need to know to be of any help.



    Quote Originally Posted by PostTenebrasLux View Post
    I also wanted to follow up on your description of Star Wars expanded universe literature. They "aren't the best in terms of writing"? Cuh'mmmmooooooon.... Try anything by Stackpole. Sure, it blew my *adolescent* mind, but to this day I find myself tempted to go back and re-read all of the old favs.
    There are some decent writers, Zahn, Jeter, Anderson, etc. I haven't read any Stackpole yet but I will get there eventually. I guess where I have a problem is just that the stories are very predictable, confrontrations and battles are over in a few pages and you're kind of left going "yea i knew that would happen". All the same it's Star Wars, and no true Star Wars fan could resist the continuation of the story
    Last edited by Smurf; 04-Aug-2010 at 02:00.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smurf View Post
    1. I have not read the Sword of Truth series, but I've been told it's worth the read, it's on my list.
    Definitely worth the read.



    Quote Originally Posted by Smurf View Post
    4. Yea some, I find most to be pretty generic and horrible, BFBC2 is ok with friends but I feel like it could be so much better. Now that StarCraft II is out I'll be playing that for a while
    Have you ever played F.E.A.R. Combat?

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