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Thread: Feeling rather nostalgic.... scared... nervous.... Having a Mini quater life crisis.

  1. #1

    Default Feeling rather nostalgic.... scared... nervous.... Having a Mini quater life crisis.

    Alright I've been without my fiancee for a month She's visiting her mom.... So we got engaged earlier this year. Everything is good but I'm feeling nervious... Mainly due to financial reasons. I'm going to my third year of college and I might need to get a part time job. But I'm afraid of getting said job due to my time management. My fiancee depends on me to take her to school and what not. So she relies on my heavily, you can say we are like a married couple without the sleeping together part. I still live with my parents (it's how thing work where I live). I'm planning on getting married in 3 years with her. And I'm slowly maturing... or rather becoming a bit more independent. I've been working with my father as a wedding photographer on the weekends since I was 9. That's 11 years of work experience right there. I've currently the youngest professional photographer in my area/island.

    So overall I'm feeling off.... i'm conflicted because my fiancee is riding my ass about making money and saving up for the wedding and I am doing it but I'm just worried that I won't have enough for everything as it stands. I tried applying for jobs here and there but well.... I don't need to explain myself. I also have a electronic repair certificate so i've been looking for jobs in that field (went to a vocational high school) So overall I don't really know what I should be doing... All the paper work for college and all the stress has me going insane. I had to switch majors from Computer Engineering to computer Science because of my health (high blood pressure) and over all I've much happier but I'm freaking out a bit. Having a quater life crisis. I dont' feel ready to take on many of my new responsibilities, I've never had a standard job.... and my photography is getting less work lately due to the recession....

    Anyways.... I'm having a bit of money troubles, but that's besides the point my main worry is stress from growing older/up. I'll be 20 in 2 months... and I just.. feel off about it. It's hard to describe really... But I don't want to grow up... I never wanted this XD. When I was a kid I said I wanted to be 16 and stay that way. Best of both worlds I guess.... But yeah I just guess I'm worried about moving on in life? Any tips or advice would help.... I've been resorting to infantilism lately to cope with this but it's not working... today I feel rather nostalgic.... Just want to get rid of these feelings and cope with the future a bit better. XD

  2. #2

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    We're the same age, you and I, but you're a lot further down the road than I am, if that makes any sense. You've got a fiancee. You've got a job. You're going to school. You're becoming more and more independent from your parents. Right now you're on the cusp of adulthood, about to fall into married life and home-ownership and living on your own. It's fantastic though, isn't it? This is life, this is how it works. We all grow up. We all have to continually move on; like we're on a treadmill, or something vague like that.

    So what I think this is, is nothing more than the anxiety that we all feel when faced with our futures. There's not much you can do about, but try looking forward to the rest of your life. Don't forget about your childhood or teen years, but acknowledge them and be prepared to leave them behind. You can't stop time, after all.

    Just remember that how you feel is perfectly normal for someone at that point in their life. I'm not an infantilist, so I can't help you in that area, but a lot of what I just said should still be valid.

    Enjoy life! Don't worry about the future, live in the present, and fondly remember the past.

    (I'm aware that all sounded really contrived, but just roll with it.)

  3. #3

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    I had a quarter-life crisis when I was about 18, and it lasted until I was 19. For a while, I realized that I was becoming an adult... and I didn't think I was ready for it. I didn't know what to do, and I felt like I wasn't prepared at all for the sudden responsibilities that were thrown at me. I still felt like a kid! I was disappointed in myself and was freaking out because I suddenly was of age where I had to start taking care of myself, when I wasn't prepared. I heard about all my friends getting apartments and going off to college, and I was still living at home and was spending an extra year in high school.

    I needed closure - a lot of things happened when I was 19 that let me finally feel comfortable with myself. Things that helped included getting started in college, doing well in college, working, and gaining a bit of independence that really helped boost my confidence.

    All I'm saying is, I know exactly how nervous growing up can make you. I was, I'll admit - freaking out when I was watching everyone around me grow up. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I'm comfortable with myself now. I'll be 21 in a few months, and I'm okay with that, now.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chillhouse View Post
    We're the same age, you and I, but you're a lot further down the road than I am, if that makes any sense. You've got a fiancee. You've got a job. You're going to school. You're becoming more and more independent from your parents. Right now you're on the cusp of adulthood, about to fall into married life and home-ownership and living on your own. It's fantastic though, isn't it? This is life, this is how it works. We all grow up. We all have to continually move on; like we're on a treadmill, or something vague like that.

    So what I think this is, is nothing more than the anxiety that we all feel when faced with our futures. There's not much you can do about, but try looking forward to the rest of your life. Don't forget about your childhood or teen years, but acknowledge them and be prepared to leave them behind. You can't stop time, after all.

    Just remember that how you feel is perfectly normal for someone at that point in their life. I'm not an infantilist, so I can't help you in that area, but a lot of what I just said should still be valid.

    Enjoy life! Don't worry about the future, live in the present, and fondly remember the past.

    (I'm aware that all sounded really contrived, but just roll with it.)
    So you're a DL? XD Anyway thanks this helped a little bit. ^^



    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Jake View Post
    I had a quarter-life crisis when I was about 18, and it lasted until I was 19. For a while, I realized that I was becoming an adult... and I didn't think I was ready for it. I didn't know what to do, and I felt like I wasn't prepared at all for the sudden responsibilities that were thrown at me. I still felt like a kid! I was disappointed in myself and was freaking out because I suddenly was of age where I had to start taking care of myself, when I wasn't prepared. I heard about all my friends getting apartments and going off to college, and I was still living at home and was spending an extra year in high school.

    I needed closure - a lot of things happened when I was 19 that let me finally feel comfortable with myself. Things that helped included getting started in college, doing well in college, working, and gaining a bit of independence that really helped boost my confidence.

    All I'm saying is, I know exactly how nervous growing up can make you. I was, I'll admit - freaking out when I was watching everyone around me grow up. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I'm comfortable with myself now. I'll be 21 in a few months, and I'm okay with that, now.
    Yeah.... So I guess this is normal.... Healthy even? XD I feel better today. More... driven... this morning I was a mess that's when I posted this.... Very vulnerable in a sense...

  5. #5

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    Very good advise from Chillhouse, who's advise is not contrived. I think it's spot on. I certainly went through what you're experiencing, though I was not engaged while in college. I hate to say it, but that is a very large contributing factor to what you're feeling. Just going to college is load enough. Remember that college is a time where we explore possibilities, and find directions for our lives. Not only that, but most people graduate from college, don't get a job in their major field, take something else, and then build a career in a new direction they never imagined. It just seems to happen that way.

    I was different. I knew I wanted to be a church musician, so I went to Westminster Choir College with a major in organ performance. Who knew that in a few years the organ would become one huge dinosaur. At the time I knew I would be poor, and I was running around with guys rather than girls. When I graduated, I moved to Ohio, was hired as the organist for a 3200 member Methodist church, and made very little money even though I was the sub accompanist for Cleveland Orchestra at Blossom Music Center, their summer concert hall.

    I met and fell in love with someone who would become my wife, and went through the same anxiety of "what will we do for money". How will we rent a descent apartment or afford children, etc? Our older friends in the church said, get married and have children, because you never will be financially ready for them. No one is, but somehow, things present themselves and we get by. That is exactly what happens. We bought our first home for next to nothing and had something to build on.

    So my advise is, concentrate on college and use the time to find what you really enjoy doing, employment wise. Once discovered, work hard in that endeavor. I eventually began to practice organ and piano eight hours a day. You're not supposed to get a job and worry about money until after you graduate, so don't obsess about it now. Everything has its time and season. That season hasn't arrived yet.

    Your fiance needs to think about this as well, and have some faith in you and herself. When I got married, my wife became pregnant and gave up her job. After the kids had a few years on them she went back to work part time. When the kids were 1 1/2 and 4 1/2, we moved to Virginia. My wife had to go back to college and get her Masters in Special Ed. in order to get a teaching job, but she did. I had a job as a full time church music director and organist, and I taught piano students as well. Eventually I became the keyboard player for a very lucrative rock band. My point is that as you get older, your experiences and abilities grow, and opportunities come along. If you're lucky, people sometimes seek you out, as the band did in my case. To worry about your future is very natural, but for now, let it go until your Senior year. Life is way too short.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Very good advise from Chillhouse, who's advise is not contrived. I think it's spot on. I certainly went through what you're experiencing, though I was not engaged while in college. I hate to say it, but that is a very large contributing factor to what you're feeling. Just going to college is load enough. Remember that college is a time where we explore possibilities, and find directions for our lives. Not only that, but most people graduate from college, don't get a job in their major field, take something else, and then build a career in a new direction they never imagined. It just seems to happen that way.

    I was different. I knew I wanted to be a church musician, so I went to Westminster Choir College with a major in organ performance. Who knew that in a few years the organ would become one huge dinosaur. At the time I knew I would be poor, and I was running around with guys rather than girls. When I graduated, I moved to Ohio, was hired as the organist for a 3200 member Methodist church, and made very little money even though I was the sub accompanist for Cleveland Orchestra at Blossom Music Center, their summer concert hall.

    I met and fell in love with someone who would become my wife, and went through the same anxiety of "what will we do for money". How will we rent a descent apartment or afford children, etc? Our older friends in the church said, get married and have children, because you never will be financially ready for them. No one is, but somehow, things present themselves and we get by. That is exactly what happens. We bought our first home for next to nothing and had something to build on.

    So my advise is, concentrate on college and use the time to find what you really enjoy doing, employment wise. Once discovered, work hard in that endeavor. I eventually began to practice organ and piano eight hours a day. You're not supposed to get a job and worry about money until after you graduate, so don't obsess about it now. Everything has its time and season. That season hasn't arrived yet.

    Your fiance needs to think about this as well, and have some faith in you and herself. When I got married, my wife became pregnant and gave up her job. After the kids had a few years on them she went back to work part time. When the kids were 1 1/2 and 4 1/2, we moved to Virginia. My wife had to go back to college and get her Masters in Special Ed. in order to get a teaching job, but she did. I had a job as a full time church music director and organist, and I taught piano students as well. Eventually I became the keyboard player for a very lucrative rock band. My point is that as you get older, your experiences and abilities grow, and opportunities come along. If you're lucky, people sometimes seek you out, as the band did in my case. To worry about your future is very natural, but for now, let it go until your Senior year. Life is way too short.
    Thanks... this helped me a lot. I feel a bit more on ease. ^^ I know what I want in life. I've known since I was a little kid. I wanted to Program and be a photographer. ^ ^ My photography skills are good and I have an established career in that currently. And I need to be a in college for the programming. I've wanted to make video games all my life. If I can make an Indy game company I'll be incredibly happy about that. But that's a dream and whatever life takes me I'll be happy with it. me and my fiancee constantly talk about the future... It's a hobby so we kind of sorta always talk about the future. That's why I'm thinking about it now currently. But I'm more at ease now. I think everything will work out. Just one step at a time riight?

    EDIT: I wanted to add one more thing... So essentially from what I gather... I'll probably never be ready for it. It'll just happens when it happens. and I'll learn how to be ready for it.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by dragsnick View Post
    So you're a DL? XD Anyway thanks this helped a little bit. ^^



    Yeah.... So I guess this is normal.... Healthy even? XD I feel better today. More... driven... this morning I was a mess that's when I posted this.... Very vulnerable in a sense...
    Absolutely. It's perfectly normal... and probably healthy too. The ability to reflect on yourself, especially during a transitional period as major as the ones we've gone and are going through is a quality that a surprisingly large amount of people lack.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby Jake View Post
    Absolutely. It's perfectly normal... and probably healthy too. The ability to reflect on yourself, especially during a transitional period as major as the ones we've gone and are going through is a quality that a surprisingly large amount of people lack.
    Yeah... I tend to over think about almost everything. But thanks to your guys advice.... I see a bit better just take everything one step at a time as to not overwhelm myself. Still plan for the future but don't plan that far ahead in a sense.

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