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Thread: BPD, Co-Dependency, Personality Disorders as a cause of Development and its links to ABDL.

  1. #1

    Default BPD, Co-Dependency, Personality Disorders as a cause of Development and its links to ABDL.

    Hi all,


    So, I haven't posted much here, but I thought I'd start an interesting topic that is of much concern to me right now. This is right up there with the whole psychological aspects of our culture.

    I'm no psychology expert and don't claim to be, but I'm wondering if any links can be drawn, or if anyone wants to share experiences or stories, in order to perhaps further understand myself.


    So, I'm currently in a relationship with someone who has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). This has been diagnosed, and it's in the early stages of treatment. As a result, I believe, that as a Non-BPD partner, I've become an enabler or rather, co-dependent. However, after reading up a little more on codependency, I've pretty much come to a sudden conclusion that I've perhaps often/always been codependent in my relationships. I'm starting the early stages of coming to terms with that, but at the same time, with my research, I've seen things and read things that make me believe that there is a link between how the co-dependency developed and AB/DL.

    I doubt any formal research has been done in this field, but I'm wondering if any of you can see any links, through your psychology knowledge. In the end, I'm not looking to "cure" my AB/DLism, as most of the time, I believe I am quite comfortable with who I am as a person, (but I admit, a lot of that seems to get lost , or becoming lost when I'm in a relationship, especially more so now considering I'm codependent and she's a borderline).

    I believe I may/will have to go get some help on my own for these personality issues, so, I'm not looking for suggestions or criticisms, simply knowledge and experiences.


    Thanks a bunch!


    Cheers!

  2. #2
    Spearmint

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    in my relationships, my abdlness does not change, but usually my... Hormones aren't as prominent, to put it delicately.

  3. #3

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    I was so surprised to find this post, I have been thinking about this forever. My mother has BPD. And I still live with her. I know deep in my gut that as a result from living with her and having to parent myself...due to neglect and several other unfortunate childhood experiences....I have this necessity to be a baby, to feel cared for, when I was a toddler.. it was the only time my mom treated me in a nice way all the time. I wouldnt be surprised if ABDL things arise in other people who are in relationships or have family members, especially parents who are BPD. or with mental illnesses.

    For me.... my ABDL comes from wanting someone to take care of me, its the safest way to be because anything I do is simply not my fault. So I couldnt get in trouble if I was a baby. Its just easier, it reflects a time in my life where things were safe, and people were safe.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheetaluver View Post
    in my relationships, my abdlness does not change, but usually my... Hormones aren't as prominent, to put it delicately.
    Unfortunately, I'm looking for way more depth in the types of responses and in this discussion, hopefully pertaining more to codependency, bpd, and its links to abdlism.

    ---------- Post added at 12:14 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:27 AM ----------

    LittleHanah,


    First off, my thoughts are with you as struggle to deal with a BPD family member. I can only imagine what you've gone through and still go through. Just in case, I highly recommend reading up all you can about BPD. Have you read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" or other BPD material?

    As I try to trace back why my ABDLism developed, along with why I've become co-dependent (in the past, and even more so now), I have a very difficult time in tracing it back to my childhood. I was never neglected in any way whatsoever, and had two very loving/very giving parents. Perhaps because they were so loving, (maybe too much), that they showed traits of co-dependency themselves, in that they would do anything for my happiness. But then again, shouldn't all parents be like that to their kids?

    Perhaps I interpret it this way, which leads me to my co-dependency issues. Of course, having a BPD partner does not help, but then again, my co-dependency would only attract me further to my BPD partner, like a vicious cycle or catch-22.

    So far, my relationship hasn't sparked a sudden rise of ABDL activity, although, perhaps the thoughts have been a little more present as a result of the stress of coping with her BPD behaviours, (perhaps they simply haven't been realized as a result of the fears I have due to my co-dependency).

    Thanks for your reply,


    Keep them coming!

  5. #5

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    My mother has PTSD but I did have a pretty good childhood, at least in the early stages so it is unlikely that mental illness has directly influenced my ABDL-ist tendencies, but they do trigger them I would think.

  6. #6

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    First off I am not exactly sure what you mean by being co-dependent. A lot of people define codenpendency a lot different. I view it as not being able to live single for extended periods of times, and when with being someone you get obsessed over the person to the point of not caring about irrational and even possibley dangerous things a partner or loved one does.

    In answering your question according to that definition of mine, I would say I have been single for a very long time, and it sometimes very depressing with me. So I can live long times without someone, but it really drags me pretty depressed when I am alone at home. When I am actually with someone I usually keep a pretty safe emotional difference for a while, but once I tell my partner about me being a DL and enjoying being a daddy (usually does not break the news of the second one, only when the about being a DL goes good), then I get very much co-dependent with that person. I feel like I don't ever want to let them go, cause I am so afraid of loosing them. Due to being afraid of not finding someone else who will accept who I am fully! I would not say I become obsessed with them and calling tons and wanting to see them 24/7. I just think about them a lot and focus a lot on them, when I am with them.

    So that is the way I am overall with relationships with partners. So if you consider that being co-dependent then yes I am to a certain extent. But in my case I am pretty sure being a DL and wanting to be a daddy for a LG has made me co-dependent in making me fear of never finding someone, and dying alone. I think that is probably my biggest fear in life.



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleHanah View Post
    I was so surprised to find this post, I have been thinking about this forever. My mother has BPD. And I still live with her. I know deep in my gut that as a result from living with her and having to parent myself...due to neglect and several other unfortunate childhood experiences....I have this necessity to be a baby, to feel cared for, when I was a toddler.. it was the only time my mom treated me in a nice way all the time. I wouldnt be surprised if ABDL things arise in other people who are in relationships or have family members, especially parents who are BPD. or with mental illnesses.

    For me.... my ABDL comes from wanting someone to take care of me, its the safest way to be because anything I do is simply not my fault. So I couldnt get in trouble if I was a baby. Its just easier, it reflects a time in my life where things were safe, and people were safe.
    Hannah, first off I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I know it has caused you a lot of emotional pain over many years that I could not even imagine or dream of. Please also know that know matter what your mother did not ultimately mean to emotionally hurt you in anyway, I am sure she truely loves you in her heart. But please do not feel alone, every single little girl I ever dated had a very very similar story every time. Not with having a mother being BPD. But in the sense that every LG I ever dated had either a bad or absolutely no childhood. Meaning that their father and/or mother abandon them, or have abusive mother and/or father, or a mental disabled parent, and other reasons. Ultimately seems like all the LG's I ever dated were basically regressing for something they never really had, or the only good childhood memories. These little girls always truely amazed me by how truely natural and realistic they were at being 2 or 3 or whatever age they feel they needed to be. It was almost as like it truely is and was a different state of mind, and made me realize how special, cute, and amazing it really all was to me.

    So I feel for your situation deeply, and wish the best for you and your mother. Everything will get better in time, I promise. Cause once things are really bad, they can only get better from there.

  7. #7

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    I have been diagnosed with BPD. I am not sure what you are trying to argue here: is it that people who come into contact with those with BPD are more likely to be ABDL? Or is that people with BPD are more likely to be ABDL?

    People who suffer from BPD have generally experienced serious abuse in childhood, whether emotional, physical or sexual or a combination of the three. In my experience, many people who have experience trauma do have a degree of ABDL-ness or have a 'little'. For many trauma survivors 'Inner Child Therapy' is encouraged, where you play with dolls etc: I don't have many details on this, but I know it is relatively common. Many trauma survivors on message boards talk freely of their 'little' and describe wanting blankets, teddy bears and sometimes even pacifiers. This is regarded by other trauma survivors on the boards as fairly normal.

    I don't know if studies have been done, but I believe it is fairly common from trauma survivors to exhibit some chidlish tendencies at times, and that this is well recognized both by psychiatrists and therapists and by the survivors themselves. And as people with BPD have usually experienced severe childhood trauma it is likely that they may well experience ABDL-type behaivours and feelings. However, I wouldn't say this means that these people are necessarily ABDL.

    I'm not sure about the correlation between people who live with people with BPD and being ABDL. I can imagine that being with someone difficult and needy might make you also feel more childish if you already had ABDL tendancies, but I don't know how it would affect people without ANDL tendancies. Being with me hasn't made either of my parents ABDL at all!

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