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Thread: Am I alone on this?

  1. #1

    Default Am I alone on this?

    Well, as some of you know, I hung out with a girl for the first time ever almost 3 weeks ago. What concerns me though is that after I did this "normal" teenage ritual, I began to crave more interaction and communication with this girl. Nothing sexual at all, just a strong strong desire to talk to her and hang out with her again. so, last weekend I ended up texting her, leaving her a voice mail, and messaging her on facebook asking if she wanted to do anything with me, I got no response. This concerned me a bit, b/c it seems that that act was a bit extreme and has the potential to turn obsessive(which has happened in the past with me).

    I do this every time I start to progress with a female, which has been 10 times, roughly. We start to communicate and connect normally, then I end up doing something wrong. The best that I could theorize is that I start to acknowledge that there is progress being made, then I essentially "blitzkrieg" onto them, trying to make a deep relationship out of something that is not capable of sustaining a deep relationship. This type of behavior leads to the eventual fall of the friendship.

    To me it seems like connection between the female and myself is like heroin, once I get a small taste of it, I crave it like a mad man! This doesn't GREATLY concern me, like it doesn't keep me up at night, but it is something I think about.

    What I am asking of this community is, Does this situation that I(briefly) described to you sound like obsessive behavior? Does it have the potential to become obsessive? Why does this happen? and, has anyone/does anyone else feel or act this way?

  2. #2

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    Hmm... sounds like a person I know, but she's a girl.

    When a guy shows her a thread of decency she falls all over them and suddenly gets into borderline stalking behaviour. I basically had to tell her to fuck off, and now she's calmed down a bit. I was actually just explaining to her today pretty much exactly this.

    Anyway, that sounds cruel, but I tried kindly declining stuff for a long time, then finally it was like "You know what? I'm in a bad mood and you are creeping me the fuck out. Go away". I've since calmed down and talked to her a few times since then (That was like a couple weeks ago). I'm trying to help her to stop it. I explained to her that her acting the way she is is like a guy who sees a girl in tight/short clothes and thinks "She clearly WANTS me to hit on her". Some people are just nice to you, just as some girls like wearing certain clothes. Don't jump all over them for it.

  3. #3

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    In our modern Text/email/phone/facebook world I am not sure if leaving a message on all those is such a big deal. Now if you text, facebook, call, email every 10 minutes.....that may be a wee issue.

  4. #4

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    I just feel like leaving 2 forms of messages was still too much, despite the age we live in. I am just worried that I could fall back into that obsessive cycle like have done with another girl. Can anyone offer anymore advice on this issue?

  5. #5
    curiousitykitten

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    i do the same thing...its not just bf/gfs though. I feel like my loved ones will perish if i dont check on them to make sure there okay. I made a thread about it a while back, its not very fun... quite embarasing actually

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by curiousitykitten View Post
    i do the same thing...its not just bf/gfs though. I feel like my loved ones will perish if i dont check on them to make sure there okay. I made a thread about it a while back, its not very fun... quite embarasing actually

    My ex-roomie Lynn was that way, I loved her and got used to it. It had something to do with anxioty disorder she had. Once pepole know, love and understand you they'll miss it if you don't call or text to check in. Lynn left four years ago, been married to some other guy for three and still has to check on me several times a week. Sometimes it makes me crazy but if a week goes by without hearing from her I start to worry...

  7. #7

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    I think I would have just texted her. I think you need to try a new tact, and that is to be more typically male. We are the type to go out on a date and then forget to call, making the girl upset and wanting us to call. This sounds like a George Castanza moment, from the old Seinfeld show. If you want results, do the opposite.

    Be more illusive and somewhat mysterious, but in a good way, not creepy. Be charming, don't try hard, but rather, be comfortable in your skin. A single text such as, I really had a good time last night. Thanks., and then let her make the next move. If she doesn't, don't panic, but don't call back either. Make sure she sees you with another girl. There's nothing like competition. Look what it did for the U. S. economy!

  8. #8

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    I do not wish to gain boyfriend girlfriend status with this girl, I just wish to hang out with her and communicate with her.

  9. #9

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    it was a little bit overkill to do all 3 at once. that was the first time you tried to get in touch for 3 weeks? however this also depends on the kind of person she is. some girls won't care and will be happy you tried to get in touch. some will be a little skeeved out - but it's not like you made some unredeemable move there.

    i know it's tough to start from scratch. i would just text her later and say something like "so i never heard back from you before. wanna go do abc on day xyz?"

    if she doesn't answer then just drop it - it's not worth your time.

    don't think so hard about things like this. it sounds like you just keep second guessing yourself. social interaction is rarely calculated (though you will see a group of girls at the bar picking the words for one of them to text lol). and have you ever really done heroin?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by krebstar View Post
    it was a little bit overkill to do all 3 at once. that was the first time you tried to get in touch for 3 weeks? however this also depends on the kind of person she is. some girls won't care and will be happy you tried to get in touch. some will be a little skeeved out - but it's not like you made some unredeemable move there.

    i know it's tough to start from scratch. i would just text her later and say something like "so i never heard back from you before. wanna go do abc on day xyz?"

    if she doesn't answer then just drop it - it's not worth your time.

    don't think so hard about things like this. it sounds like you just keep second guessing yourself. social interaction is rarely calculated (though you will see a group of girls at the bar picking the words for one of them to text lol). and have you ever really done heroin?
    She is the easy going girl, like when we went to dinner, I hadn't talked to her in person in months and out of the blue I asked if she wanted to do something and she agreed to it. How ever, now that I got a taste of what it feels like to be accepted and "normal" I want more of it. And no...the heroin reference was just an analogy to emphasize what it feels like to show what I am craving, since heroin is like the most addictive drug around I decided to use it for an example.

    So are you saying I am just to go into situations like this and just wing it?

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