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Thread: Hello! Friend of..

  1. #1

    Default Hello! Friend of..

    Hi everyone

    This is all very new to me, and I wasn't sure which way to turn, so I hope you'll forgive me if this is the wrong place to post!
    My boyfriend (of not that long) has recently admitted to me of having a diaper fetish; I am very accepting and want to help him as best I can, but having never dealt with anything similar in the past, its very new and quite overwhelming.
    I was hoping someone could point me in the direction of a specific girlfriend/wife support forum (having not been able to track one down myself), or be able to give me some pointers of how to react effectively and help him (so far as I know from what he has told me, he does not know how to deal with the fetish himself, and has thus resulted in depression/anxiety etc).
    Again, i'm sorry if this is innappropriate to post here, but I'm not sure which way to turn as it is entirely new to me.

    Best,
    G

  2. #2

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    Well is he a DL (only interested in diapers) or is he an AB (like pacifiers, bottles, etc)?

    There are a few members on here who are like you where they are just dating people that are into this stuff. You seem to have an open mind and understand that everyone has their little kinks.

    Since we don't really know much about him, you should probably talk with him about it. Most importantly, if you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't be forced to do anything you don't want to.

    Maybe he told you because he wants to wear around the house but doesn't want you to notice and freak out? By telling you first he can gauge how you feel about it and be discreet if you don't like it, but allow him, or just openly wear if you don't care either way. Maybe he just needs someone to confide in about these things. Seriously, it all comes down to you two communicating about this. Be aware that this probably embarrasses him a LOT and that he would probably like being reassured that you are okay with it and will still be with him. Again, that doesn't mean that he can make you change him or anything, just that if he wants to do it on his own that you won't think of him as a freak.

  3. #3

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    Hey, I was in your situation almost two years ago now. I found this forum a great help, although some of the advice I was given wasn't all that helpful, so just be careful! :P

    There's not a wife/girlfriend board on the internet that I'm aware of, but I haven't really looked for one, since here was so good!

    I'm normally online, here or in the IRC which is the live chat which you can get to by clicking the 'live chat' button in the centre of the page, at the top,

    If you have any questions feel free to direct them at me

    Also, I know you're here mainly to find out more, but we're a community here (even us non-*BDL-ers) so why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?

    I live in Edinburgh, and am currently studying divinity!

    What sort of music do you like? Any favourite films? Any interesting hobbies?

  4. #4
    angelabauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by gen10 View Post
    Hi everyone

    This is all very new to me, and I wasn't sure which way to turn, so I hope you'll forgive me if this is the wrong place to post!
    My boyfriend (of not that long) has recently admitted to me of having a diaper fetish; I am very accepting and want to help him as best I can, but having never dealt with anything similar in the past, its very new and quite overwhelming.
    I was hoping someone could point me in the direction of a specific girlfriend/wife support forum (having not been able to track one down myself), or be able to give me some pointers of how to react effectively and help him (so far as I know from what he has told me, he does not know how to deal with the fetish himself, and has thus resulted in depression/anxiety etc).
    Again, i'm sorry if this is innappropriate to post here, but I'm not sure which way to turn as it is entirely new to me.

    Best,
    G
    Since 1990 I have been doing what I can to ease the concerns of those women and a few men in a romantic relationship with an Adult Baby or Diaper Lover. Here on ADISC I have written many posts on the subject, as have other members.

    You did not say your boyfriend has any form of medical incontinence. Can we assume his diapers are for his emotional needs? You also did not share your respective ages. I will make it a lot easier to provide tips and suggestions when we know if you both are teenagers, twenties or older.

  5. #5

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    You came to the right place indeed. For one thing there's no forum (I have ever heard of) for wives, gf's, parents, and so on that exists independently. For another we are a support forum for all persons into diapers for fun, directly or indirectly: ie connected with it through another person who is directly into it.

    As to how to deal with it... I would say to him to go right ahead and enjoy it. Yes, it is a tad odd; but there's nothing wrong with it, though the depression and anxiety that sometimes come with it are. Find out if he is "simply" a diaper-lover, or if he would enjoy some kind of play that goes along with it: maybe regression: acting out being younger than he actually is; maybe some varieties of bondage, humiliation, cross-dressing, or acting out a furry persona. Would he like to see you "dressed up" or just himself? Would he want you to "mommy" him or be a playmate? Is this a turn-on for him or does it involve other pleasurable feelings: relaxation, comfort, that sort of thing?

    One issue lovers often have is that they feel rejected by their other's arousal by the fetish-object or clothes: that they should be the center of attention, not what 's being worn; I can reassure you it isn't a matter of one or the other, the effect is additive. Some of his guilt may be over just that: that he feels he should not need or even want to add kinkiness to a relationship and feel like he is rejecting you; one thing you can do is reassure him you accept him the way he comes, and indulge his feelings, to share in and participate in that other side of him.



    When you have a better idea of what sort of things you CAN do then you can get guidance in HOW to do those things, from people wise in these things. I am dl myself and don't age-play, except perhaps within the context of fur-play, which I am also new to, though very eager...

    So if, say, you want to learn how to mommy him, I am sure you will be able to find the guidance you seek.

    I would have him join here too, and he could reveal (or not) that he is "with"you and also find support in getting over his guilt, and starting to enjoy an interest that should be the source of happiness, not negative feelings.

    One other thing: if he is into some sort of play, do research widely for ideas and just to learn more about the whole thing. But don't just assume that the most extreme things you come across are what he wants or that he'll like; I would get him to be as open as possible about what he is into... and if he isn't exactly sure himself then explore this side of him together (and get him to explore your desires and interests.)

  6. #6

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    Thankyou for all your lovely posts back, all really helpful! (im afraid I am new to the forum thing as well, so I cant quote back or anything, but I'll just reply to everything in one go!

    Zephiel - I think he is just a DL, but suggestions have come through of submission, mothering, that sort of thing. Although I am not sure exactly what it is he likes...I think it may be a simple object sexual fetish, rather than role play, but i'm yet to ask him about that. Thankyou for your suggestions, its a difficult subject to breach when I have only really met him in the last month or so (we don't live together etc). I'm still unsure of whether he told me he didnt enjoy having the fetish to reassure me (although I made no suggestion of revulsion when he told me..I dont know!)

    Talula - thats amazing that there are other people who have been in my situation, its a great help just to know that. Thankyou, I might contact you sometime in the future for some advice . About myself? wow, ok well im a student, as is he, and im studying geography. I love hockey (well...before i got too unfit ), skiing, that sort of outdoorsy thing - but thats pretty much what I always say to those questions...truth is I don't do a great deal a lot of the time! Edinburgh sounds amazing, whats it like? Ive always wanted to go!

    angelabauer - he does not have a medical condition that I am aware of, so I think the diapers are for sexual gratification, although he is not willing to talk a significant amount about it yet (understandably). We are both quite young, I am early twenties, he is mid-late twenties; he says he has been a DL from a very young age though.

    Raccoon - thankyou for the sound advice, I will ask further into the specifics of it when I can, and I may ask again when I have more information. I can certainly relate to the feeling of 'rejection', and I felt very guilty about feeling that way, as I know it is unfounded. It has become a barrier to intimacy (so to speak..) and he was completely unaroused by me. To ask a very blunt question: should there be a slow, steady transition from his fetish to 'normal' intimacy (i.e. introduce role playing immediately), or should we simply go ahead and try 'normal' anyway? (i use 'normal' for lack of better phrasing). edit*: I am unsure whether he is already on here to be honest, we havent discussed it, although I will say to him that I am on a forum to help me - - but I don't know if he will feel more embarassed that i am doing this? I would like to understand, I don't know whats right or wrong to say/what's taboo, I feel very out of my depth with this!

    I'm sorry the initial post was quite erratic and uninformative, I just needed somewhere to lean while I was absorbing it I think. Thankyou for the advice and suggestions Its great to know that so many people are willing to help and its put everything more into perspective for me, thankyou
    Last edited by gen10; 22-Apr-2010 at 23:14. Reason: edit: add info

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by gen10 View Post
    Thankyou for all your lovely posts back, all really helpful! (im afraid I am new to the forum thing as well, so I cant quote back or anything, but I'll just reply to everything in one go!
    Well there is a little button in the bottom right corner that says "quote" and it automatically quote the post for you. If you do the one to the right of THAT button, it will let you quote multiple posts.

    So you've only known him for a month and he's already told you all this? You seem to be moving really fast.

    EDIT: Also, I wouldn't go around searching random infantilism sites. It could lead to some rather distasteful things.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephiel View Post
    Well there is a little button in the bottom right corner that says "quote" and it automatically quote the post for you. If you do the one to the right of THAT button, it will let you quote multiple posts.

    So you've only known him for a month and he's already told you all this? You seem to be moving really fast.
    Thankyou! And yes I know, I think he wanted to get it out of his system, and I was confused as to why he was consistently pulling away/unaroused, so he decided to tell me; I think/hope he feels better for it.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by gen10 View Post
    Thankyou! And yes I know, I think he wanted to get it out of his system, and I was confused as to why he was consistently pulling away/unaroused, so he decided to tell me; I think/hope he feels better for it.
    Well from the sounds of it he may not be sexually attracted to you (or anyone). He may like having a partner for generally being together, but sex may not interest him at all. That is the impression I get from him pulling away and such. This is something you should probably talk to him about ASAP.

  10. #10

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    gen10, I don't want this to come across as sounding pompous or egotistical, but you have found your way to the best *B/DL support group that exists anywhere. I cannot imagine that there is a question about this subject, or your situation that, collectively, cannot be answered by the members of this group. Actually, I am sure that alot of the questions that you have now, have already been answered in previously posted threads. It may seem a daunting task, but if you have the time, looking back through previous posts may give you many of the answers that you are searching for. Best of luck, and I am glad you are here at ADISC.

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