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Thread: How long did it take you?

  1. #1

    Default How long did it take you?

    I know everyone here started to develop thoughts relating to *BDLism at different points in their lives but what I'm wondering is how long it took for you to fully accept *BDLism as a part of who you are?

    I remember that when I was 12, I started to develop an interest in diapers and soon came to the realization that I was a TB/DL. For about 4 years, I was interested in diapers and whatnot but I hated myself for it. I just felt like I was some kind of freak which led me to a two year purge starting when I was 16. Not long after I turned 18, I came to the realization that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a *B/DL (joining ADISC is actually what helped me to accept it). I know it's not exactly "normal" but I do know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. So it took me about 6 years to fully accept my *BDLism.

    So how long did it take for you to fully come to terms with yourself as an *B/DL?

  2. #2

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    For me, it took until I was dating my current girlfriend, I told her, and she accepted it as a part of me.

    I always thought I was some kind of freak or defect growing up. There was always mixed in a binge/purge between "when I grow up I can do whatever I want" and "I want to have a wife and a family and that won't leave room for diapers."

    This may sounds weird, but when I was in HS, I had a school physical for no apparent reason whatsoever with a doctor that was brought in. I had a hernia test and she took a general look aver my cock & balls, which represents the first (and at the time quite magnificent, which was quite pathetic in retrospect) time a female had done that- excluding my Mom when I was little, which doesn't count. I knew on an academic level I was bisexual, but I had far from accepted it. And being turned on so damn much by this really confused the hell out me, and I didn't know what I wanted.

    I gradually came back to knowing I wanted diapers. Early in my freshman year, I came out to everyone except my extended family as bisexual. After that, I accepted the weird parts of my sexuality for what they were, but didn't really like them. I love being bisexual. But loving diapers never seemed like anything more than an impediment to having a girl stay in a serious relationship with me. So I still hated it.

    I eventually started dating a friend of mine, and after a few months, I told her. I knew by then that without severe psychotherapy, I wasn't going to stop wanting diapers or other kinks. At the same time, I didn't want to be in a relationship where I couldn't be candid about my feelings. So I told her and we had a really, really long conversation about it. But she accepted it, and loved me all the same. It wasn't until after that I was truly fully ok with wanting to be diapered.

  3. #3

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    I think I accepted it pretty early on... like, I didn't think it was all that weird because I saw umpteen other bizarrities on the Interwebs, and... hey, um, if the worst thing I do is pee and poop in a diaper, that puts me about 10 steps ahead of half the other fetishes out there.

    Sniffing used panties? Ewwwwww.

  4. #4

    Default

    I have always been OK with the fact I like diapers.

    Granted it's only the last year or so that I've been ok with talking about it with people.

  5. #5

    Default

    This is a tough question to answer exactly.

    Somewhere in the midst of puberty, I became concious of the fact that my developing interest in diapers was, in fact, a sexual thing. This took some time to figure out since I'm an aromantic asexual, I had literally no basis for comparison to grasp what my interest was other than really strange and very embarassing. Unsuprisingly, this initially terrified me because I had no knowledge of the wide diversity possible in sexuality, and I thought I was alone and unusual. Over the years, terror gave way to general despondency of the fact that I was alone and would remain alone all my life.

    It was probably a two or three years before I did any Google searching (with the intent to find something to which I could fap), and discovered the wide world of other people like me. I had no idea that what I had was a "fetish" and a relatively common one at that. I learned a lot more about my sexual preferences from reading Wikipedia than from anything my parents bothered to tell me. Discovering the AB/DL community took away the embarassment and shame, but I still didn't really understand where I fit sexually because most of the AB/DL community still had a sexual orientation towards other people. This uncertainty was a large part of my general unease in becoming part of the community, not to mention that other than ADISC and its predecessors, the rest of the community (the more visible, easier to find part) is a bit of a sewer.

    Somewhere around a year ago, the fact that I had no sexual interest in other people and I didn't understand it really started to bother me. Some internet searching led me to information on asexuality, which was a watershed moment for me. I finally realized where I fit in and that feeling of closure gave me the confidence to become a part of the community. I joined ADISC at the end of last summer, and it's the only corner of the AB/DL world where I feel it is worth my time to regularly read threads and post.

    Looking at all this, it's hard to say when I truly accepted being AB/DL. Much of what kept me uncomfortable with my sexuality had more to do with lacking grasp of my asexuality than aversion to the AB/DL aspect. At any rate, I envy the current generation of teenage AB/DLs who are surfing the web regularly at younger ages than when I did, because seeing the community sooner would have made for much faster acceptance. The great problem with the taboos surrounding sexual topics is that the general public is woefully ignorant of the variety in sexuality - it only really "gets" vanilla heterosexuality, and has blatant "fear of the unknown" elements to its views on homosexuality, bisexuality, and really well known fetishes like BDSM. It's basically totally ignorant of the unusual orientations (pansexuality, asexuality, etc.) and most fetishes. The internet allows one to see the unusual things that society at large doesn't see.
    Last edited by Fruitkitty; 21-Apr-2010 at 13:44.

  6. #6

    Default

    I find your post really interesting, NFF, as I don't actually know anyone who identifies asexual. Well, I most likely do, I just don't know it. Anyway, I must admit that I'm a bit ignorant and I'm curious- how are you asexual but still (as you put it) go online for fap material? [Since I'm not sure how my tone traverses the intertubes, I'm genuinely curious about this and just know nothing about it.] I do get that you derive sexual satisfaction from diapers, but is that still asexual? Or is it that you don't derive sexual attraction from people, but from other sources? [That's what I'm guessing the compound aromantic asexual would imply.] Would it go further that your diaper fantasies are solo, and not enhanced by other people? [And if I'm being too personal, by all means, tell me to go to hell.]

    I think there's a problem that exists within our community, that while the experts would lump us all in as infantilists, that doesn't do all of us justice. For some of us, there's no age regression. For some, there's only partial age regression- someone who fantasizes of being a teen/tween/"big kid" in diapers. Maybe some of us are medical fetishists. Maybe for some, it's an adaptation of BDSM. And then there are people who like peeing and pooping in normal clothes. None of those suggest anything infantile.

    Your case in particular reminds me of a divide that exists in the community of people who enjoy sex with animals. Many people who enjoy sex with animals do so as an extension of their sexuality- for example, there are women who like to get fucked by a dog just like there are some women who like to put on a diaper. That's typical bestiality. But there's a subset of people who are attracted to animals exclusively- they have no connection romantically or sexually with people- these people are zoophiles.

    While the suffix -phile is bandied around a lot, in its strictest form, it implies that the person cannot be aroused without the said kink. In the previous example, there may be many people involved in bestiality, but only those who can't become aroused without it are zoophiles. Similarly, many people out there are foot fetishists, but only the ones who absolutely require feet/toes/shoes for arousal are podophiles. So on and so forth. If I understood correctly what you said earlier, maybe you have the same kind of dichotomy. Many of us wear diapers for many different reasons, and for a good number of us, those reasons include sexual attraction. But perhaps there's a subset who absolutely require it for sexual arousal? I hadn't heard of it before here, but perhaps there is.

  7. #7

    Default

    For me, it's taken about 10 years to be 100% happy with being ABDL. I never really hated myself for it through that time, but just didn't feel like I fitted in, which I know why now, after having said I was DL since being 12, and finally this year finding what I really wanted was to be an AB.

    Now I couldn't be happier, with being AB, and it's probably actually made me a better person overall, as I can now talk to people more and not keep thigns bottled up inside.

  8. #8
    angelabauer

    Default

    Thinking back to my early childhood, I realize I was okay with Mom asking me to wear just-in-case diapers on trips and special events because of my small over-active bladder. Perhaps I should have been embarrassed, but that was not the case.

    By the time I was 26 I had been profoundly urinary incontinent for over 5 years, during which time I had graduated from law school, been a research law clerk for a Federal Court of Appeals, passed several bar exams and started working as an attorney. What began to depress me was all the energy I devoted to the logistics of needing diapers 24/7. Also while starting out I worked killer hours trying to impress the senior partners for a fraction of their income. Thus the cost of all those adult disposables was a significant percentage of my income.

    After a few months of this depression I ranted about it to my youngest sister Missy, who is even more incontinent than me. Missy had just given birth to a beautiful girl. Missy finally told me that what she was about to say would shock many people. When I said I am not easily shocked, Missy started telling me she had read some very nice people who are not actually incontinent want to learn to wet so they can get to wear diapers.

    How strange that Missy and I had been around diapers our entire lives and it was only in 1990 we learned about AB/DL? Missy showed me some articles with photos of men happily diapers sucking pacifiers and using baby bottles. One article had a photo of an especially beautiful woman with a beatific Mona Lisa smile, wearing a bonnet and peering over the top of modern mesh playpen. I just assumed she was diapered.

    The concept that I could have some fun with the diapers I had to wear anyway connected for me in seconds. That evening I was back at my tiny studio apartment, boiling a new set of MAM pacifiers, an EvenFlo baby bottle and some nipples. I could hardly wait for them to cool down enough to try. Honestly I do not remember either pacifiers or baby bottles from when I was an actual baby.

    Wow, I was so happy as I suckled that first pacifier. Suddenly I was no longer depressed about my incontinence. Finding the fun with my diapers did not make me an irresponsible adult. What is the point of expecting an incontinent adult to hate diapers? Would that restore bladder control?

    Embracing the attitude that AB play is a way for incontinent folks to feel better has made my own life far better. I already had many friends who do not wet and as many friends who are incontinent. Once I became active in the AB/DL community I gained a whole lot of additional friends.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by NightFox View Post
    I find your post really interesting, NFF, as I don't actually know anyone who identifies asexual. Well, I most likely do, I just don't know it. Anyway, I must admit that I'm a bit ignorant and I'm curious- how are you asexual but still (as you put it) go online for fap material? [Since I'm not sure how my tone traverses the intertubes, I'm genuinely curious about this and just know nothing about it.] I do get that you derive sexual satisfaction from diapers, but is that still asexual? Or is it that you don't derive sexual attraction from people, but from other sources? [That's what I'm guessing the compound aromantic asexual would imply.] Would it go further that your diaper fantasies are solo, and not enhanced by other people? [And if I'm being too personal, by all means, tell me to go to hell.]

    I think there's a problem that exists within our community, that while the experts would lump us all in as infantilists, that doesn't do all of us justice. For some of us, there's no age regression. For some, there's only partial age regression- someone who fantasizes of being a teen/tween/"big kid" in diapers. Maybe some of us are medical fetishists. Maybe for some, it's an adaptation of BDSM. And then there are people who like peeing and pooping in normal clothes. None of those suggest anything infantile.

    Your case in particular reminds me of a divide that exists in the community of people who enjoy sex with animals. Many people who enjoy sex with animals do so as an extension of their sexuality- for example, there are women who like to get fucked by a dog just like there are some women who like to put on a diaper. That's typical bestiality. But there's a subset of people who are attracted to animals exclusively- they have no connection romantically or sexually with people- these people are zoophiles.

    While the suffix -phile is bandied around a lot, in its strictest form, it implies that the person cannot be aroused without the said kink. In the previous example, there may be many people involved in bestiality, but only those who can't become aroused without it are zoophiles. Similarly, many people out there are foot fetishists, but only the ones who absolutely require feet/toes/shoes for arousal are podophiles. So on and so forth. If I understood correctly what you said earlier, maybe you have the same kind of dichotomy. Many of us wear diapers for many different reasons, and for a good number of us, those reasons include sexual attraction. But perhaps there's a subset who absolutely require it for sexual arousal? I hadn't heard of it before here, but perhaps there is.
    I'd like to avoid derailing the thread too far, so, I won't go into excruciating detail - but you're not at all being too personal. This is, after all, a support forum for fetishists.

    The biggest key here is that "asexual" is a rather broad catch-all for anyone who doesn't feel sexual attraction to other people. I will agree that I mostly fit the dichotomy you have described, such that diapers or diaper-specific thoughts are more or less a requirement for arousal. I tend to view one's sexual orientation in way it relates to other people, and as fetishes as an add-on. I'm aware that it somewhat clumsily fits my case, but it's also in line with the common uses of both "asexual" and "AB/DL", which by virtue of being minority communities, tend to be very inclusive of anything resembling themselves. It's also a lot easier to explain to friends that I'm asexual and leave out the DL part, then to say that I'm some type of "diaperphile" term that to my knowledge doesn't currently exist.

    Two threads that come to mind:

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-to...-mean-you.html
    http://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-to...ng-virgin.html

    If you want to know everything the internet will ever tell you about asexuality, see AVEN's FAQ's and forums:
    http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html

    A quick search shows 63 members on ADISC who identify as asexual, though a sizable proportion of these have other identifications as well.

    If you have further specific questions, then by all means send me a PM. If you have further general questions, I'd suggest starting a thread on the topic.
    Last edited by Fruitkitty; 21-Apr-2010 at 18:48.

  10. #10

    Default

    Oh, thats a tough one!
    Must have been when I was old enaugh to know that all others at my age was done wearing. about 6-7 yo.
    And when I found out that was kind of comfortable in a sence.

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