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Thread: Off-hand comments.....

  1. #1

    Default Off-hand comments.....

    This whole mess started about five years ago.

    I was cooking dinner for my mother and stepfather, while they were guests in my apartment. While I was busy in the kitchen, my mother seized the opportunity and started going through my bedroom. She opened up the bedroom closet door, and discovered my cloth diaper pail (complete with a couple of diapers that I planned on washing later that night, after they left). She then went back into the living room, and started complaining about how my whole bedroom "reeked of urine" (it really didn't stink before she entered my closet and opened the top of the pail, but, ah, well). She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was going through places she was not supposed to go - she left the closet door open, she left a couple of my dressers open, and I could tell she went through a couple of my boxes that were in my closet while she was in there.

    I was 26 at the time - you would think a mother would respect her son's right to privacy by then, but, ah, well.

    I still hear about this to this day. She sometimes makes comments about how I have "weird sexual tastes" when she talks to me, and about how that "disappoints" her. Well, first off, I didn't tell her about it - she found out about it by violating my privacy and by betraying my trust. We never talked openly about what she found, but I somehow suspect the whole family knows about it by now.

    I just wanted to vent about this.

  2. #2

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    It sounds like she is very controlling. Parents have a way of pushing the same buttons as when we were children. The problem is that you aren't that child now. Don't let her do it. You're just going to have to rise above it and have some sort of very adult response, one that puts you into a position of control. Remember, never raise your voice as you are the one in control.

  3. #3

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    You have a right to be angry. Your boundaries were violated by your mother.

    The only comfort I can give you is that all mothers do this.

  4. #4

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    Slap her. Now. Tell her not to abuse your kindness and trust. Seriously, she shouldn't even have opened the closet unless she had forgotten her clothes elsewhere.

  5. #5

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    My mother is the same. She used to go through my stuff and I have a bad feeling she might know but I've never dared ask. Then again it's clear it doesn't affect my relationships or work so it's never been brought up.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaworuchan View Post
    I was 26 at the time - you would think a mother would respect her son's right to privacy by then, but, ah, well.
    It his nothing to do with age.
    At 12 my Mother respected my privacy and would ask before looking for something in my room.

    Your Mother crossed some boundaries. I for one may be inclined to invite her back over and mention that the closet is off limits, all the while having it rigged with a few air horns should she snoop again.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpup2008 View Post
    You have a right to be angry. Your boundaries were violated by your mother.

    The only comfort I can give you is that all mothers do this.
    That mothers (parents really) have problems with boundaries sometimes does not in any way explain the magnitude of this action. My mother wouldn't dream of doing this. Both my parents are scrupulously careful about respecting my stuff and my space.

  8. #8

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikenally View Post
    You could always snoop through her bedroom, see how she likes it.
    Yeah, because if you find something you'll be able to wash it out of your minds eye. :P

    "whats this... OMG it's a vibrator!!!" ::then it registers your mom's vibrator"... "EWWWWW"

  10. #10

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    Unless you have a formal lease agreement there is not a lot you can do.

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