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Thread: Feeling incredibly low..... EDIT - just got a new prescription......

  1. #1

    Default Feeling incredibly low..... EDIT - just got a new prescription......

    Yeah, I am feeling incredibly low at the moment. I actually feel like this most of the time, and everything I try does not seem to help me overcome this at all. I can distract myself with video games and movies, but as soon as I stop doing those things, the depression comes back within seconds.

    I really want to go out into the world, to widen my social circle, to be more functional. I do a lot of volunteer work, but at those shifts, I really do not connect with others at all. They appreciate the work that I put in very much, they keep calling me back, but still - I haven't made any friends doing that at all.

    Whenever somebody tries to reach out to me, I am not sure whether I should reach back most of the time. That's a terribly unfair attitude for me to have, I know, but I have experienced people reaching out to me before, only to stab me in the back later, so many times.

    I want to be able to trust the people around me, but I am not so certain if I can in most cases. I want to be able to keep focusing on my goals, on my future, instead of constantly dwelling on past wounds inflicted upon me and having the pain of those wounds continue to hold me back. I can do all of this, and more - that part is the most frustrating to me. I know I can manage that, I should be able to manage that, and it really should not be this difficult.

    I guess now I win the award for being ADISC's most dramatic and emo poster ever. Heh.

    EDIT - Well, now I have a prescription for Effexor, which I am going to fill first thing tomorrow morning. Wish me luck on that, it has been a couple of years since I last was on an antidepressant, but it is clear that what I am dealing with, I really was unable to deal with using my willpower alone...... Damn it. Heh.
    Last edited by KaworuVsDrWily; 23-Mar-2010 at 02:17.

  2. #2

  3. #3

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    Well if you want to actually meet new people, as in get to know them and become friends, your going to have to trust them. Sure, somebody might hurt you, but how bad can they really hurt you? What are they really going to do? I really wish I could help with this more, but I've just never had that issue. I get like an excited puppy when I'm around people, running around all excited and whatnot talking way too loud and being generally over enthusiastic. I guess that's all I can really tell you, just loose yourself. Get excited, tell your favorite stories, give overly positive responses to their stories, and just have fun. People tend to enjoy to be around other people who are having fun.

  4. #4

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    ^lol @ fire2box

    i think you just need to work slowly at it. turning this stuff around isn't an overnight thing. but it's good that you're aware of it and want to change yourself. don't fool yourself into thinking that you are incapable or can't do it - there is a pretty common thinking pattern that i fall victim to a lot and i see it in other people: i make excuses not to do something. "oh, it won't work," "i'm not bright enough," "it will be weird/awkward," etc. you should be making excuses to go do something. i've been working on this for a while and it's really easy to fall back into these kinds of negative mindsets.

    Also, i think it's more than just the volunteer organizations appreciating your work. It sounds like if the same people keep calling you back, they actually like you and not just the fact that you show up and help a lot. Maybe you just don't click that well with the people there? It's hard starting from scratch, but i think slowly you have to learn to trust people somehow. This doesn't mean trust everyone, but just start slowly. It's definitely weird to get started on hanging out with somebody for the first time in an apart-from-work (or volunteer setting). But if you find yourself connecting with someone - or if they want to connect with you - just bring up something easy to do. Coffee, or a beer, or a local art show or concert or go running before work or something. There's a good quote that says "the best way to have a friend is to be one," and while tired it is true.

    I don't really know what you do for work/hobbies and stuff like that so it's hard to give advice in that area, which is something a lot of people will tell a depressed person - "get a hobby!", "go outside!," etc. Although in your case you are fortunate to live in an awesome area with tons of great outdoors stuff to do nearby (not one but TWO! mountain ranges!), and personally I find hiking, camping, etc. to be really therapeutic (as long as i can stop worrying about all the shit i have to do when i get back). So yeah, part of my advice is to go outside lol

    Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com - you can meet lots of interesting people through sites like this, usually gathered around some interest. try it out.

  5. #5

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    Well, I just got back from the doctor. I managed to get myself a walk-in appointment, and she prescribed me Effexor and made me an appointment in a couple of weeks from now. I have not been on an antidepressant in years, so hopefully this will help even things out within me. Wish me luck.

  6. #6

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    I don't know the extent of your life or problems. I offer this based on my own experience and I am not judging you in a any way, just offering a point of view from an experienced that saved me while almost killing me.

    Your in Tacoma, drive on over to the Army recruitment center and enlist for four years, try to get into armored cav. or anything that goes mobile artillery. Make some brothers out of your fellow squad mates, get shot at together and shot back. See how much it sucks in the parts of the world we go oh and kill the bad guys to try to make it better for the folks who are living in those shit holes. Get loved by some and hated by many all the while increasing your personal inner honor and pride. Come home, get out and go to any soldier bar in America and have a beer, swap embellished stories and raise glasses to friends who won't be coming home. When its over, look yourself in the mirror and see yourself, you did it, you fought you survived and nothing in "normal" life will ever seem so hard, so stressful, so painful.
    Its better than any pills, or psycho babble. War and Military change a person so they can recognize the true suck from the suck in our heads. And if you do, I'll be the first to buy you a round or two when you get back.

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    Ummm, yeah. The military is not going to take me. First off, I'm over 30. Second, I have schizophrenia.

    I am doing my best to help out others who have things worse off than I do. There are other ways of going about doing that than joining the military. I am doing everything I need to be doing to improve my life, and yet the depression is still very much there, and very much potent. Hopefully, the combination of doing things in my life and making all sorts of progress - and taking the Effexor in the meanwhile - will be enough to get me out of this intense rut I have lived through for most of my life.

    Many doctors rely too much on pills and talk a lot of "psycho babble", but there are many good doctors out there who know what they are doing, and its sad that the many quacks out there paint the whole psychology industry in a dark and incredible light when it can do a world of good for so many people when it is handled correctly.

  8. #8

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    I think you're going to have to take things one day at a time for a while. What you need is a really good friend who you could hang with, do things like playing x-box games together, going out to eat.

    I remember when I was living alone, the thing I hated the most was eating alone. You shouldn't always be alone. Maybe someone will come along. That would be nice. As far as trust, sometimes you just have to let go. I don't think you have that much to lose.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by kaworuchan View Post
    Ummm, yeah. The military is not going to take me. First off, I'm over 30. Second, I have schizophrenia.

    I am doing my best to help out others who have things worse off than I do. There are other ways of going about doing that than joining the military. I am doing everything I need to be doing to improve my life, and yet the depression is still very much there, and very much potent. Hopefully, the combination of doing things in my life and making all sorts of progress - and taking the Effexor in the meanwhile - will be enough to get me out of this intense rut I have lived through for most of my life.

    Many doctors rely too much on pills and talk a lot of "psycho babble", but there are many good doctors out there who know what they are doing, and its sad that the many quacks out there paint the whole psychology industry in a dark and incredible light when it can do a world of good for so many people when it is handled correctly.
    I know you are 31, however the Army will take you up to 35. I don't know your whole history and yes sadly diagnosed schizophrenia is a disqualifier, all though I don't know why. I have gone into some tough spots with people who are diagnosed Bipolar, asbergers and like me, just plain fucked in the brain pan. I wish I could help you but when I was at my worst I drank, smoked, and fought anything with two legs and dick with everything from fists to MK-40's. It wasn't till after that I found a new reason to give a shit about my life, or my death for that matter. I truly hope you will find a way to breakthrough the inner suck and maybe just feel good again.

  10. #10

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    I do have many reasons to give a shit about my life. I really do, and I appreciate all of them.

    But while my logical side has been telling me I have a lot of great reasons to enjoy my life, my emotional side has been piling on the negativity and the depression. Antidepressants have been abused by many people before, but I think in my case, they may be necessary to help pull myself together and get me closer to my logical side.

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