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Thread: Im sure this has been asked, but...

  1. #1

    Default Im sure this has been asked, but...

    First off, sorry I havent been around. Ive been through a lot recently. Namely, a divorce, and thats taken time, money, and enthusiasm outta me. Anyway, Im now dating someone and have been for a bit less than a month. My girlfriend wants me to stay the night before V-day, and then stay the day on V-day. Thing is, I havent told her about my DL-ism, and Im not sure if I want to yet. Likewise, whether me and her get around to anything intimate, I toss and turn in my sleep, and so my shirt is bound to rise up, revealing the secret.
    Long story short, should I just tell her about it, or would it be better to chance comfort and not wear at all? (And by comfort I mean I have trouble sleeping if Im not wearing nowadays). Anyway, thanks in advance.

  2. #2

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    If I were you I would only wear if you need to wear diapers if you wet the bed. If not then you should probably not wear and get to know her more before wearing around her or telling her anything.

  3. #3

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    I would tell her and wear to be comfortable.

    She wants you around. Would you rather she want you for who she thinks you to be or the man you are?

    Look at it this way, if telling her goes smoothly you have one less thing to worry about in a relationship.

  4. #4
    Elli

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    Maybe think about what your priorities are, what you want your priorities to be, and what else you should take into consideration. There's a balance somewhere, between being true to yourself, and who you are, whilst not giving AB/DL desires the reins to your life.

  5. #5

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    Thanks to all of you, but only one of you got the idea of the question, in a way. I should have been more specific by asking, "Do you think it's safe to tell her so soon?" and asked if anyone had any similar experiences to support their answer (IE told and it went well, told and it went bad, didnt tell and their partner got upset for keeping secrets, etc). But thanks, Im not sure what Ill do yet, but thanks guys =]

  6. #6

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    It may freak her out thinking you wear every night, just try not to wear that night and maybe start a conversation about fetish related things.

    She might be one too for all we know

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    It may freak her out thinking you wear every night, just try not to wear that night and maybe start a conversation about fetish related things.

    She might be one too for all we know
    You know, that second part is exactly what I was thinking... She seems like someone who doesnt get involved in really weird things, but still seems like theres some innocent secret. I know the chance is low, but I can still hope.
    But about the first part, true, but then again, shes really understanding, and the only reason I think she'd freak out is if she thought it was a sexual fetish (which its more of a personal preference thing for me). But hm... Maybe I should try to ease the conversation. not to fetishes, shes had a really upsetting sexual past (she was used A LOT, Im the first guy shes dated that wants to wait for sex), and so I think that moving it more towards either deep secrets or just make a seemingly witty comment about AB/DLism if we talk about babies (she works at a day care, I wouldnt talk about having them yet haha). But thanks, that part was a really good idea, easing the conversation towards a relevant subject.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by khaymen View Post
    I would tell her and wear to be comfortable.

    She wants you around. Would you rather she want you for who she thinks you to be or the man you are?

    Look at it this way, if telling her goes smoothly you have one less thing to worry about in a relationship.
    While I agree with the general idea of being honest with your SO and having that person accept you -- the REAL you -- I do think that there's a time and a place for disclosure, and Valentine's Day, after having dated for only a short period of time, is not that time and place.
    I think that one crucial part of successfully coming out, especially to an SO, is ensuring that the person really understands the rest of you. The person needs to trust you, to love you, and to know the breadth of your personality. Then, when disclosure does take place, 1) there will be less room for the SO to speculate (e.g. does this guy look at kiddie porn or something??) 2) hopefully, it will be easier to see how your ABDL side fits into the rest of your personality 3) there will already be a lot that your SO values in you, enough to (hopefully) warrant sticking it out despite what might seem a bizarre and off-putting quirk, and 4) the SO will receive it from a position of love, which, like point 3, might warrant her sticking around and trying to understand something she finds strange.
    It is of course no guarantee that it will end well, but I think it would be wiser to enjoy your special day without diapers, wait until you develop a stronger relationship, and then find a good time and place to tell her.

    Best of luck, though, whatever route you choose.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by slim View Post
    While I agree with the general idea of being honest with your SO and having that person accept you -- the REAL you -- I do think that there's a time and a place for disclosure, and Valentine's Day, after having dated for only a short period of time, is not that time and place.
    I may be old fashioned, but spending the night comes far after telling someone that I wear diapers on an intimacy scale.

    Also, I speak from experience. Having told my girlfriends early on, I've had no problem with that in a relationship.

    I think they would trade me being in diapers 24/7 rather than deal with me as stubborn and opinionated as I tend to be.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by khaymen View Post
    I may be old fashioned, but spending the night comes far after telling someone that I wear diapers on an intimacy scale.
    On a personal level I agree wholeheartedly with you -- anyone who I'm going to be that physically close with I want to be emotionally close with first -- but then I'm notorious for taking things slow. I know there are a lot of others who do things differently, though, i.e. physical intimacy first and emotional intimacy later on.



    Also, I speak from experience. Having told my girlfriends early on, I've had no problem with that in a relationship.
    Interesting. It's worked the other way around for me! I guess it's just different in each situation.

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