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Thread: Helplessness

  1. #1

    Default Helplessness

    Ok, I know this has been discussed before, but I didn't see any recent threads that really delved into it very deeply...and I was just thinking about it recently and wanted to share my own thoughts, especially because it's something that can be uncomfortable to talk about, even amongst people in the *B/DL community.


    Because first off, just the idea of us wanting to ACT like a baby is weird and disturbing to the average non *B/DL....for us to want someone else to treat us like one to the point that we're helpless is borderline insanity from their point of view.


    Of course, this is the way a lot of people feel about BDSM, and of course, there are a lot of similarities and crossovers between BDSM and this side of *B/DLism. But even though the main idea is the same, I want to focus on the *B/DL side of it...especially because I think it comes across as less...harsh, or maybe less strong, than traditional BDSM.


    Because when you think about it, the idea of being helpless not only makes a lot of sense in terms of *B/DLism, but it's quite fascinating, really.

    What makes it so fascinating to me is that emotionally, the idea of being helpless is such an uncomfortable thing. I mean, if you think about your daily life, not being in control of something is a horrible feeling...at least for a control freak like me. I like being responsible for things in my own life.

    And then there's the extension of this into humiliation, a powerful manifestation of helplessness in *B/DLism. In my normal life, being embarrassed/humiliated is one of the worst feelings ever.


    But when I'm in AB mode, particularly the sexual side....there's a massive appeal to being helpless. And the reasoning behind that has been discussed before...it's the idea that actual babies are very helpless. The more like a baby you feel, the deeper into AB mode you get. So, it's natural to want to feel helpless...because the more helpless you feel, the more like a baby you feel.

    And the irony is the security that comes from being helpless. As a child, teenager and adult, you have responsibility...so you hate feeling helpless because you lose respect for not being able to carry out your responsibility. But as a baby...because you have no responsibilities, you can be helpless with there being no consequences...all your needs are still taken care of. You have that sense of safety and security without having to do anything...you know that the mommy figure is there to take care of everything. So you WANT to be helpless...you want to get into that mode of safety and security.


    But where things get REALLY fascinating is when you look into the humiliation aspect of things. My deepest sexual fantasies, and even some emotional ones, involve some sort of humiliation. But it has to be done in the right way...it has to be done in a way that the security and safety of feeling helpless is still present.


    Because here's the real power of humiliation...it ensures that the person babying you WANTS to baby you. Because think about it...if you're being humiliated, that means you would do anything in your own power to get out of the situation if you could. If someone's putting a diaper on you and you're humiliated, then you're obviously going to do everything in you can to stop it from happening...you don't WANT to be diapered. But...it's still happening. What that means is...the person diapering you WANTS to do it. And see...that's something that's missing in our lives as AB's usually...at least for me, I would always think in the back of my mind that the mommy figure doesn't really want to diaper me...she's just doing it to make me happy. But if I'm being humiliated, it's clear that I don't want it to happen...it's all on her.
    This is the other part about helplessness that's so powerful...you know that the mommy figure ENJOYS babying you, and wants to be in power...like a real mother who gets satisfaction out of taking care of a baby.

    But that's why the attitude of the mommy figure is so huge...it doesn't work for me at all if it's done in an angry or blunt or too forceful way...it has to be clear that her desire is loving. It's really almost like an actual mother and baby...a mother wants to change her baby's diaper to keep it clean and healthy, no matter what the attitude of the baby is.


    That's why for me, when the helplessness and humiliation is taking place, it's so huge when the mommy figure keeps making comments in baby talk about how cute and adorable I am...it reinforces her power, but also shows her love.


    And that's what's so interesting about the humiliation aspect...what makes it so horrible in real life is what makes it so appealing in AB mode.

    Because I think about how it would feel in my real life if I got embarrassed in a babyish way...if one of my female friends pinched my cheek in a group, or even made some joke comment for some random reason like "Maybe we should put a diaper on you!"....it of course would feel very uncomfortable for not just me, but for anyone...because as an adult, that feeling of helplessness is degrading and takes away from the respect of being a person.

    But of course...that same kind of comment can be looked at in AB mode, and it's exhilarating...because it allows you to slip into that mode of knowing that someone else WANTS to care for you, and WANTS to diaper you...that's something that we yearn for as AB's and so often can't get it.



    So it's funny how something like humiliation, which the average person looks at as a hugely negative, horrible thing...can be explained as a positive when you understand our desires not only to be like babies, but to have that mother-like love given to us due to the fact that the caregiver's desire to baby us is completely clear because of our own humiliation.


    I'm just rambling again with this post...but it just feels really good to get all my thoughts and feelings in writing, and I figured I might as well share it in the community, even if I'm not breaking any new ground.

  2. #2

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    You keep freaking me out with all your crazy insights...

    *head asplodes*

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by DLDisturbed View Post
    You keep freaking me out with all your crazy insights...

    *head asplodes*
    I'm just glad someone is trying to use their brain and it hasn't asploded yet!!!


    In due time....muwahahaa....


    nice thoughts.........

  4. #4

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    Like the post and I'm happy that people are putting so much time/effort/thoughts into these deep topics.
    Personally, I like acting like a toddler mostly and I think this is more geared for people wanting to go 'full baby'. The humiliation is a factor for me, but for some reason, this whole diaper/toddler gig has been a solo one for me by choice.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by kite View Post
    Like the post and I'm happy that people are putting so much time/effort/thoughts into these deep topics.
    Personally, I like acting like a toddler mostly and I think this is more geared for people wanting to go 'full baby'. The humiliation is a factor for me, but for some reason, this whole diaper/toddler gig has been a solo one for me by choice.

    Well, the thing for me is that it depends on which side of my ABism I'm looking at....the emotional side or the sexual side. All of the humiliation/helplessness is geared towards the more sexual side for me...at least for the most part.

    Emotionally, even though there are aspects of being like an actual infant that are appealing, I'm on the same page as you...I like the toddler mode, sometimes even just the little kid mode of footed pajamas and plushies. I think in that mode you have more freedom and comfort to be you and not be totally cared for...but at the same time you get the same emotional peace and security.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    Well, the thing for me is that it depends on which side of my ABism I'm looking at....the emotional side or the sexual side. All of the humiliation/helplessness is geared towards the more sexual side for me...at least for the most part.

    Emotionally, even though there are aspects of being like an actual infant that are appealing, I'm on the same page as you...I like the toddler mode, sometimes even just the little kid mode of footed pajamas and plushies. I think in that mode you have more freedom and comfort to be you and not be totally cared for...but at the same time you get the same emotional peace and security.
    Completely agree. I feel the exact same way. Toddler mode is much more physical with the baby mode being more emotional.

  7. #7
    June

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    Being comfortable and worry-free are the two main things I love about being a toddler. But I do agree, helplessness is a good part of satisfaction. It would be nice to have a female caretaker that I knew was in control. I love feeling helpless, but safe.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    My deepest sexual fantasies, and even some emotional ones, involve some sort of humiliation.
    i have plenty of emotional fantasies that aren't sexual at all, but most of them still involve helplessness.

    for example, you know that moment when you first wake up in the morning and all your muscles feel so weak that it seems like you barely have the strength to lift your head, let alone stand up? that's my favorite moment of the day, because i can pretend that i really AM that weak -- that i'm ill or something -- but that someone who loves me is taking care of me. i love it when i can lie in bed all morning feeling weak and helpless and imagining different scenarios based on that theme.



    Because think about it...if you're being humiliated, that means you would do anything in your own power to get out of the situation if you could. If someone's putting a diaper on you and you're humiliated, then you're obviously going to do everything in you can to stop it from happening...you don't WANT to be diapered.
    insightful comment. that's why a lot of the stories that get written on this subject really don't interest me much. so many diaper-related stories seem to involve characters that WANT to be in diapers, or who feel humiliated at first but quickly learn to love them. it's so much more interesting when the character really wants to be toilet trained, or even better when there's some sort of internal conflict between reluctance to be toilet trained and the urge to give up diapers. that sort of internal conflict is a huge part of my sexuality, but it's really a very complicated emotion that's difficult to portray in writing.

    thanks for starting so many good threads, teddy! it's really interesting to explore what being an ABDL is fundamentally about.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by avery View Post
    insightful comment. that's why a lot of the stories that get written on this subject really don't interest me much. so many diaper-related stories seem to involve characters that WANT to be in diapers, or who feel humiliated at first but quickly learn to love them. it's so much more interesting when the character really wants to be toilet trained, or even better when there's some sort of internal conflict between reluctance to be toilet trained and the urge to give up diapers. that sort of internal conflict is a huge part of my sexuality, but it's really a very complicated emotion that's difficult to portray in writing.
    That's interesting to me, because I'm exactly the opposite. I hate the idea of humiliation, and I don't like the idea of someone being forced into wearing diapers when they'd rather not. My favourite kind of scenario would be one where someone really wants to play the role of AB and wants to wear diapers. I get frustrated by the way it seems like the bulk of stories about this are about someone being forced into diapers and then humiliated... but it seems to be a big theme for a lot of people! It's funny, because my two biggest kinks--ageplay and watersports--seem to have a lot of potential for humiliation, but it's the one things that just doesn't do it for me. I guess I'm so enthusiastic about them, I can't understand the emotional response that leads to want to be unenthusiastic about them, or that leads to an internal conflict. I guess my sexuality is all "YAY! AGEPLAY!" and yours is a lot more subtle.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosy View Post
    That's interesting to me, because I'm exactly the opposite. I hate the idea of humiliation, and I don't like the idea of someone being forced into wearing diapers when they'd rather not. My favourite kind of scenario would be one where someone really wants to play the role of AB and wants to wear diapers. I get frustrated by the way it seems like the bulk of stories about this are about someone being forced into diapers and then humiliated... but it seems to be a big theme for a lot of people! It's funny, because my two biggest kinks--ageplay and watersports--seem to have a lot of potential for humiliation, but it's the one things that just doesn't do it for me. I guess I'm so enthusiastic about them, I can't understand the emotional response that leads to want to be unenthusiastic about them, or that leads to an internal conflict. I guess my sexuality is all "YAY! AGEPLAY!" and yours is a lot more subtle.
    could be. although i don't think we're as different as you think. i've had the same experience as you reading stories that are all about humiliation and shame -- i have trouble understanding what makes those stories interesting. i think they appeal to people who are further over on the BDSM end of the spectrum than me. but at the same time i don't understand stories in which the main character is totally gung-ho about diapers and regression and so forth. it's unrealistic. there are people who act like that online, too -- as if they can't understand why anyone would want to be discreet and private about wearing diapers. diapers are a little bit embarrassing -- that's part of what makes them what they are.

    the feeling that i find so powerful is a sort of indecision: "do i want to grow up? do i want to stay little?" it's one of the most quintessentially childlike emotions i can think of. obviously that's not the ONLY thing that interests me, and sometimes i'd rather concentrate on the "being little and cute" aspect or the "being loved and cared for" aspect. but that conflict is big for me, and i'm grateful to this discussion for giving me the opportunity to put it into words.


    appendix: an example

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