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Thread: Coming out

  1. #1

    Question Coming out

    I feel completely safe saying that I'm gay here. Through the help of my girlfriend, I came to terms, and we decided to keep an enormously strong friendship, and am with a boyfriend. Use three are great together, but that's beside the point. I'm fine here, but I'm scared to tell my parents, friends at school, and I'm scared of how they would treat me, or make fun of me at school. Any advice?

  2. #2
    GaashaHuzzah

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    Beat the everloving sh*t outta someone.

    Even if you're gay, people will cower in fear of you.

  3. #3

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    welcome to ADISC friend, as for youre parents i dont know, you could sit them down together and tell them that your gay, or maybe you could say in front of youre parents that their is this boy at school that is gay and is wanting to be your friend, look to see if theres a positive or negative reaction. Only a suggestion though, if you think your friends will make fun of you then dont tell them.

  4. #4

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    Well, as a gay guy who's mainly kept it a secret, I'd encourage you to take it slowly, and ignore any external pressure to come out. It's a pretty emotional experience, and there is the possibility of rejection... I'm not saying you shouldn't, but remember that it's your choice, and you're not required to stand up on a bench and shout it to the world.

    Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

  5. #5

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    Seeing that your age is 14, I would definitely suggest that you not tell anyone unless you're having emotional problems with it, and you feel you need professional help. Most high school age people are not mature enough to just accept you. Some will, but many would make your life a living hell. Why risk it.

    The second question is, do your parents really need to know? Like I said, only if you need their help and support. It will not be easy on them. Parents tend to have these pre-conceived notions as to what they want for their children. Happiness should be first on their list, but most parents believe that their children will be most happy in a heterosexual relationship, and one that leads to marriage.

    I of course don't know you, nor do I know how you come across. If you are like the gay kid in the t.v. show Glee, then your parents probably already know. But if you are like so many of (and do I say us, because I was in a gay relationship all through college), we may not be obvious to anyone, in which case, it will be a shock to your parents. When mine found out about both my relationship to my college room mate, and my make shift diapers, they took me to a psychiatrist. At the time I needed to see one, so I did need their support. The problem was, they couldn't understand enough to give that support. They were loving, and not condemning, but they also did not accept the lifestyle, and wanted me to change. So this may be what you would face.

    The third question is this. You are only 14. I was 18 - 22 all through college. Yet when I graduated, I met and married my now wife and had two children whom I greatly love. For me, I made the right choice, and my lifestyle works. Who's to say what you will want when you are 22, or 25? Why make a public declaration at this point in your young life. You have so much ahead of you, and you will mature, and change in many different ways. Sexual orientation could be one of those changes.

  6. #6

    Default

    I wrote a small article on my site about coming out:
    Coming Out | The Den

    Feel free to read it and lemme know if it helps.

  7. #7

    Default

    being gay is like being a ABDL
    you will have to come out to some people and some people may find out on their own.
    i am...not gay but not strait. i am still searching.

    here is my advice. tell them. if your friends dont want to be your friends then they were not the best ones there can be (teasing is okay-ish. you may have dirt on some of them just like they have the dirt on you). as for your parents tell them but dont do it alone. bring your girlfriend and your boyfriend as your wingmen

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by kryxel View Post
    here is my advice. tell them. if your friends dont want to be your friends then they were not the best ones there can be (teasing is okay-ish. you may have dirt on some of them just like they have the dirt on you). as for your parents tell them but dont do it alone. bring your girlfriend and your boyfriend as your wingmen
    i respectfully disagree with the advice quoted above. don't come out in high school. i knew a guy who did, and then got teased and harrassed so much he wound up committing suicide. wait until you're older before you come out to your social network.

    as for your parents, it's up to you to judge whether or not they'll be able to accept it. it'd be nice to be able to come out to them if you think they'd be okay with it. if you don't think they'd accept it, though, you should wait until you've moved out before you tell them.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by CuteGaachan View Post
    Beat the everloving sh*t outta someone.

    Even if you're gay, people will cower in fear of you.
    I actually did this three times, and I never got much from it. I didn't fight because I wanted the fear, I was picked on so much that my dad actually threatened to punish me if I didn't fight for myself (he wasn't serious about the punishment, but he did want me to fight). The kids I fought stopped picking on me, but their friends continued without fear for their safety.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kryxel View Post
    being gay is like being a ABDL
    you will have to come out to some people and some people may find out on their own.
    i am...not gay but not strait. i am still searching.

    here is my advice. tell them. if your friends dont want to be your friends then they were not the best ones there can be (teasing is okay-ish. you may have dirt on some of them just like they have the dirt on you). as for your parents tell them but dont do it alone. bring your girlfriend and your boyfriend as your wingmen
    I couldn't possibly more strongly disagree.

    Firstly, being gay is nothing like *B/DLism. You can be one, or the other, or both, or neither. They're completely different:

    Gay- Having a same-sex attraction.

    *B/DLism- Having an emotional and/or sexual attraction to diapers and/or baby items.

    See where I'm going?

    No, you absolutely do not have to come out. Nobody is requiring you to. Coming out is a choice that only you can make. Your friends, your parents, siblings, a therapist; they cannot come out for you. If they do, it's called being "outed."

    While I agree that friends who do not accept really aren't true friends, teasing is NOT okay, especially when it comes to sexuality. If anyone ever teases you because of your sexual orientation, it's harassment. If anyone hurts you for it, particularly physically, it's a hate crime. So no, not okay.

    My advice to the OP is this: Do whatever you feel you should do. If you think coming out will have a positive response, then by all means, go for it. But if you think you're going to get predominantly negative responses, then you might want to hold off for a bit.

    I know what situation you're in. I am bisexual, and I too have a boyfriend (Although he's 1800 miles away ). My parents are not aware, nor is anyone else, and I wish to keep it that way until I am at least in high school.

    Keep in mind that a large population of middle school/early high school-aged kids are merciless when it comes to harassment. If there's something they don't understand, chances are, you're not getting a positive response. Late H.S. and college-aged people tend to be much better, as they are more mature, and have been exposed to sexual orientation, sexual identity, etc., likely more than the younger group.

    Again, nobody can make this decision but you. It is a life-changing decision, as once you say it, you can never take it back. I can't tell you what to do, you need to make this call by yourself.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    --The Foxxeh Assassin--

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